How do you feel about "personal" posts?

[Rhonda]

I don't care really. I guess I am one that doesn't post personal stuff anywhere. To me it is something that my family and I will deal with be it a death in the family, death of a pet, surgery, etc.

I will either open and close or not open them at all.

[yogapam]

Originally Posted by Rhonda

I don't care really. I guess I am one that doesn't post personal stuff anywhere. To me it is something that my family and I will deal with be it a death in the family, death of a pet, surgery, etc.

I will either open and close or not open them at all.

Same here.

[Vintage VFer]

Originally Posted by Rhonda

I don't care really. I guess I am one that doesn't post personal stuff anywhere. To me it is something that my family and I will deal with be it a death in the family, death of a pet, surgery, etc.

I will either open and close or not open them at all.

After 24 years, VF is like family to me.

[Laura S.]

Originally Posted by Vintage VFer

After 24 years, VF is like family to me.

Yeah, me, too. My DH knows some VFers by name because I talk about them like I do friends in real life...

[hch]

Thinking about other threads recently reminded me of this thread and that I hadn't posted here yet.

I didn't vote because none of the options entirely matches what I think or do:

I don't actively dislike Personal Posts. (I do actively dislike some on-topic and allowed topics, which I won't specify here. ) Although I don't mind a reasonable number of reasonable personal and other off-topic threads, I appreciate them for their utilitarian value, heh--their broader social value in keeping certain people engaged despite our lower posting volume.

I don't actively like Personal Posts either and would strongly resent being forced to read them. As you'd correctly guess, though, I'd much rather see 5 non-problematic "personal" threads (if they didn't result from 5 personal catastrophes ) than 5 on-topic but problematic threads. I also am not trying for some sort of Chilling Effect at all and am not discouraging people from starting Personal Threads or replying to them.

Sometimes I look inside these threads to see what people are posting here--but reading these threads is almost never a priority for me, they almost never engage my interest deeply, I almost never give them many views, and I almost never feel much like posting to them.

In contrast, I more happily read non-problematic on-topic threads as they grow, even if the discussions don't directly interest or concern me. For example, even a thread for a workout that doesn't interest me (simply because it's not my taste or doesn't address my fitness situation, not because it's a "bad workout") will almost always interest me more than what some people consider engrossing "personal" topics.

I'm not trying to gain anyone's favor with this next part, but I've always liked VF policy here. I wouldn't favor prohibiting "personal" and other off-topic threads here without a corresponding good reason. Even so, if the "personal" threads disappear when VF purges off-topic threads, I don't miss them. (I do miss the old purged check-ins--but for the fitness content and discussion, not for non-fitness things that happen in them.) My preference isn't due to VF policy anyway: I'm on other forums with varying policies about off-topic threads, but even on ones that allow and don't purge them, I don't really read wholly off-topic threads there either and don't really want to.

I have a lot more thoughts about the whole thing and plan a number of other posts later. I even have an idea for a new thread (an on-topic discussion, of course ) that this thread has partially inspired.

[hch]

Two more direct points:

- Off-fitness discussion in the check-ins hasn't engaged me for a number of reasons. For example, I'm fairly private and never want to post All About My Life in the check-ins, especially because that part of VF is open for outsiders to read.

- We've had occasional "getting to know you" threads. I'd be surprised if I ever responded to a non-fitness question as it stood. Sometimes I've simply skipped such questions altogether (I've glad that no one's expressed any pressure that I remember to respond to every question there ). Sometimes I've modified them, in a non-contrived way, into related fitness questions. For example, I'm not very interested in "what's your favorite color," but I'd be more interested in "have your color preferences affected your workout purchases or practices?")

And three related points, the last of which may lead to a separate thread later:

- I'm reminded of social icebreakers. I haven't done one since college (both in academic and social groups) and don't miss them. Although I don't find them completely horrible, I've also never felt more connected to individuals or groups after having done them. Some may include some fun, but the fun doesn't feel like something that lasts. ("Team-building" also generally feels that way to me.) I feel more connected with "deeper" on-topic and insightful discussion.

- I'm also reminded of my June post in a thread named "Fitness Celebrity Instructor Influencer Workout Trends." I have similar thoughts about check-ins and about forums as a whole; I don't object entirely to "friendship," but it has to form naturally, without something that feels like "since we're classmates, co-workers, or neighbors, I now expect you to remember and celebrate my birthday."

- This thread also reminds me, through a series of tangents, of a personality-related subject (I'm probably a "highly sensitive person"). I'm not very actively working on that post, but I'm thinking sometimes about the subject and hope to start a fitness-related thread at some time in General Discussion.

[Helen]

Originally Posted by Laura S.

Yeah, me, too. My DH knows some VFers by name because I talk about them like I do friends in real life...

Same!

I LIKE the personals, as they give a holistic picture of who I'm interacting with which adds to my social engagement - the latter being scientifically proven to aid general health, immunity, and longevity.

[hch]

Originally Posted by Helen

I LIKE the personals, as they give a holistic picture of who I'm interacting with which adds to my social engagement - the latter being scientifically proven to aid general health, immunity, and longevity.

It's interesting how people differ:

A few weeks ago, finding my PM box full got me to clear some space. In reviewing old PMs, I rediscovered how I get a sense of affirmation, connection, encouragement, and support from people who've shared my (then-)non-mainstream views on controversial fitness subjects. (I deleted just a few PMs related to conversations that didn't go somewhere, and I've kept all the "agreement" ones. )

I'm not opposing your point for yourself; I'd just dispute anyone's suggestion that on-topic stuff somehow won't build community or that off-topic "personal" stuff is necessary (or desirable) for everyone. (It's actually kept me from participating more in check-ins! )

[Helen]

Henry
- in real life, I'm one of the most UNsocial people, as I'm much better when I can choose (and edit, re-edit, delete...) what I'm saying and thereby avoid being blunt, brusque, or even perceived as rude.

ON-topic converstation can also build community - definitely agree there, but my personality means a deeper picture is more satisfying.

Hope you have a wonderful year ahead.

[hch]

Originally Posted by Helen

in real life, I'm one of the most UNsocial people, as I'm much better when I can choose (and edit, re-edit, delete...) what I'm saying and thereby avoid being blunt, brusque, or even perceived as rude.

I'm flexible enough in what's sometimes called real life (sometimes it's not as real as we may think ) and have even been able to improvise little speeches delivered to larger groups of people, but I like the ability to edit and rewrite. (I've been doing so in writing this post!)

At the same time, though, I also like the energy of a talk or chat--in a different way and for different purposes.

I realized some time ago that this difference is one reason that I don't feel connected to the non-fitness talk in the check-ins, and it's similar to why I don't feel connected to off-topic threads either. I'd rather socialize in a chat (whether oral or written) than in posts!

ON-topic converstation can also build community - definitely agree there, but my personality means a deeper picture is more satisfying.

I like a depth too but define it a bit differently--exploring a topic in more detail, including people's own engagement with that detail. (For example, if I were starting a VF "getting to know you" thread, I can see asking a question like "how did your experiences earlier in life shape your later thinking about fitness?") The "fitness world" is rather rich in possibility. For whatever reasons (I immediately reject facile gender-based explanations ), I don't feel a deeper understanding of or connection with others in general "icebreaker"-style discussion.

Hope you have a wonderful year ahead.

Happy new year to you too!