Depressed over turning 50

[FitBoop]

Originally Posted by CabCalloway

It's weird. I have a brother 6 1/2 years my senior. He breaks my mental barrier for each decade of life. When he turned 50 I was 44 and when I finally hit 50 it didn't seem as big a deal. When my "decade" ends I feel as if I've been in it for 16 years. I'm 56 now, so 60's been on my radar for 2 years already.

The age thing doesn't bother me so much as thinking about people I've lost from my past, be it old schoolmates, past relationships, old colleagues. Not that they've all passed on, a few have, but the realization that I may never see some of these people in the flesh again saddens me. In some cases I've reached out via LinkedIn/Facebook/etc and for the most part the reception has been positive. A couple never bothered to reply, so I left it at that, but those instances stung me because I've only held onto the good memories of those people and the cool response has tainted those feelings, making me second guess that perhaps I wasn't worth remembering. I secretly fear an all out negative response, so for the time being I have eased off on further reconnections. I hope that maybe some of these people will reach out first.
Maybe this is also part of the winter blues. I hope Punxatawney Phil is right this year.
Regards,
CabC

I am a big fan of reconnecting and reaching out to people from the past. The way I see it is that if they do not respond, it is not because they think you are not worth remembering, but rather, that there is something in their own life or personality that causes them to avoid reconnecting. Most people do not take the initiative to reach out to people from their past, but the majority of people who are contacted will respond positively. I find that most people hardly make the effort to make a phone call to current friends, and that even e-mailing is becoming a thing of the past. Texting seems to be the way most people respond these days.

[TinierTina]

Originally Posted by CabCalloway

It's weird. I have a brother 6 1/2 years my senior. He breaks my mental barrier for each decade of life. When he turned 50 I was 44 and when I finally hit 50 it didn't seem as big a deal. When my "decade" ends I feel as if I've been in it for 16 years. I'm 56 now, so 60's been on my radar for 2 years already.

The age thing doesn't bother me so much as thinking about people I've lost from my past, be it old schoolmates, past relationships, old colleagues. Not that they've all passed on, a few have, but the realization that I may never see some of these people in the flesh again saddens me. In some cases I've reached out via LinkedIn/Facebook/etc ...CabC

My brother, also 6½ years older than me—considered by my late mother to be my "twin", 6½ years apart—had lost his life about 10 months ago in a freakish small airplane crash. Never so close to him that I felt his "twin"-ness and the feel of "what my generation is" to that extent, but he adventured more than I, being very high-tech (me more high-touch into low end things, giving amateur speeches and the like; and could have cared less) had introduced me to ... like ... the Internet and computers.

Late adopter, and certainly not ashamed of that.

Thing is, though, you can't as any kind of late adopter make up for lost time.

I had reached out to a high school and early-college friend via Facebook. To be met with cold non-response.

It stung; in that what my sister assessed about this woman (which she had met in that she'd traveled out West to where my sister was when I'd been living there during college years) had actually been true. That I had been her friend for "face" value and the straight-laced image she needed to project at the time.

That she did not reach out to me in response over FB, is her loss.

[SharonNYC]

Originally Posted by wishiwasinhawaii

I'll be 50 later this year and it's good to know you felt your life was just beginning at that age. I've had people tell me the same thing. It's nice you were able to retire at 57. I wish I could do that!

Retirement from the day job was almost the best thing that ever happened to me (after meeting The Squeeze and moving to NYC in the 60s). Of course I had to pay for it with the 33 years in a low paying cultural institutional job. There's always a trade off of some sort, right?

[TinierTina]

Originally Posted by SharonNYC

Retirement from the day job was almost the best thing that ever happened to me (after meeting The Squeeze and moving to NYC in the 60s). Of course I had to pay for it with the 33 years in a low paying cultural institutional job. There's always a trade off of some sort, right?

I had been born and raised in NYC, and did entire freshman college year in NYC; note that I am not NYCTina ...
and that's because I could r0ck anywhere (except maybe the West Coast) ... shout out to Dade County, Florida where I lived year-round as a young adult ... For many, many years ...

[donnamp]

Originally Posted by FitBoop

I am a big fan of reconnecting and reaching out to people from the past. The way I see it is that if they do not respond, it is not because they think you are not worth remembering, but rather, that there is something in their own life or personality that causes them to avoid reconnecting. Most people do not take the initiative to reach out to people from their past, but the majority of people who are contacted will respond positively. I find that most people hardly make the effort to make a phone call to current friends, and that even e-mailing is becoming a thing of the past. Texting seems to be the way most people respond these days.

FitBoop - I agree, I would not take the lack of response personally, more often than not, it is a decision made by the person not responding for their own personal reasons and is not motivated by any ill feelings or bad memories.


Donna

[Helen S]

Originally Posted by donnamp

FitBoop - I agree, I would not take the lack of response personally, more often than not, it is a decision made by the person not responding for their own personal reasons and is not motivated by any ill feelings or bad memories.


Donna

If it's also FB or LinkedIn, some people are not active on them. They register but don't really use it. So lack of response could also be because of that.

[CabCalloway]

In my case however, I specifically tried to catch up with people whose FB page I read and saw that they were keeping it current.

One example was my first college roommate. We clashed a bit in our semester together but I never hated the guy. In fact I thought we became actual friends after we stopped rooming together. On his page I noted he was friends with mutual friends from school. So I presumed that all was good and tried to friend him, only to be rebuffed. I can only conclude that he came away with a harsher feeling towards me than I ever suspected. Now it's been a long time past but I feel a twinge of hurt over this. Some would say its a waste of mental energy to fret over it but I guess I have an excess of mental energy.

[donnamp]

Hi,

on the roommate thing, I'd say let it go - it was a long time ago and if this person is still harboring some sort of grudge that is their problem, not yours!

You can only control what you can control - the thoughts, actions, and feelings of others are not w/in your control. It was nice of you to reach out, but if it isn't reciprocated, there is nothing you can do except move on.

Donna

[CabCalloway]

Indeed, Donna, I must agree with you that it is beyond my control and I ought to "let it go". There, I feel better already
Regards,
CabC

PS We believe we have a buyer for our NY house....stay tuned.

[donnamp]

Good, you should feel better! I hope the house sale goes through!

My DD has a great perspective on things - I wish I were so wise when I was younger. In dealing with some of the "mean girls" at horse camp her response:

"You're not going to ruin it for me, all you're ruining is my opinion of you!"

It took me over 40 years to reach that point!

Donna