Depressed over turning 50

[SharonNYC]

One thing age is definitely <i>not</i>: just a number. At (almost) 71, I know that only too well. And age denial is perhaps self-destructive -- certainly non-productive.

Yes, grateful for Medicare -- and there are generally more health problems as we get older and Medicare makes that so much easier to deal with.

At 50 my life was just beginning, in a way. I met The Squeeze, moved to Brooklyn, started going to yoga class. The only trouble with 50 was it was still 7 years until retirement for me.

Retirement from the day job has opened a whole new lifestyle to me: travel, Spanish language.

It's a balancing act. Aging isn't something I try to deny. Eventually it's going to win. But, in the meantime, I savor the days.

[TinierTina]

Originally Posted by SharonNYC

One thing age is definitely <i>not</i>: just a number. At (almost) 71, I know that only too well. And age denial is perhaps self-destructive -- certainly non-productive.

Yes, grateful for Medicare -- and there are generally more health problems as we get older and Medicare makes that so much easier to deal with.

At 50 my life was just beginning, in a way. I met The Squeeze, moved to Brooklyn, started going to yoga class. The only trouble with 50 was it was still 7 years until retirement for me.

Retirement from the day job has opened a whole new lifestyle to me: travel, Spanish language.

It's a balancing act. Aging isn't something I try to deny. Eventually it's going to win. But, in the meantime, I savor the days.

Hah! I am younger but more decrepit to you. Pushing 62 (whew ... didn't want to talk about that ...)

However the pyrrhic victory of getting too thin (from illness) laughs at me in the face daily (diabetic, dysthymic, incontinent, rheumatism), after my major part of my life since early childhood spent in various dimensions and stages of obesity, except from age 49 onward. Diagnosed with Diabetes despite consistent weight maintenance (low "BMI") for 10 years previously to diagnosis. [Obesity being a symptom rather than precursor or cause of diabetes ... mine had been drug-induced from statin drugs for hereditary problems for two decades prior.] We are talking, on a 5'3" body, 105 pounds higher at age 24, and staying within fair spitting distance of that weight (yo-yo ing). I do not support Oprah Winfrey or Weight Watchers, but that's beside the point.

I do not ignore the laughter from that victory.

[wishiwasinhawaii]

Originally Posted by SharonNYC

At 50 my life was just beginning, in a way. I met The Squeeze, moved to Brooklyn, started going to yoga class. The only trouble with 50 was it was still 7 years until retirement for me.

I'll be 50 later this year and it's good to know you felt your life was just beginning at that age. I've had people tell me the same thing. It's nice you were able to retire at 57. I wish I could do that!

[JulieIL]

Just wanted to pipe in here to say that I am truly inspired by these responses. What an amazing group of women we have here!

[aspidistra]

I thought I should add my feelings about this. I will turn 67 in a few weeks. I remember back when I was 50 with nostalgia about how youthful I was. I still had hot flashes from perimenopause. My hormones were still working. I had youthful skin and hair. I did not really see signs of aging until I was over 60. This reminds me of other milestones. My co-workers made jokes about getting old when I turned 30 and 40. In retrospect this was so stupid and thoughtless but I guess people do that, and anything over 29 is considered over the hill. In truth, look at Jane Fonda, age 77. Then dare to feel over the hill. I do not dare. I just try to keep up with her. I insist on staying young. My brother was depressed because he turned 70. I told him that 70 is not old. If we are wrecked in our 60s it's not from being old, it's from choices we made about alcohol, suntanning, junk food, being a couch potato - we all know this.

When my mom was about 85 and I was too patronizing, she said "Don't treat me like I'm 90!" I felt so stricken that I had hurt her feelings and I realized then that to her, 90 was old, and 85 was not.

[TinierTina]

Originally Posted by aspidistra

My brother was depressed because he turned 70. I told him that 70 is not old. If we are wrecked in our 60s it's not from being old, it's from choices we made about alcohol, suntanning, junk food, being a couch potato - we all know this.

When my mom was about 85 and I was too patronizing, she said "Don't treat me like I'm 90!" I felt so stricken that I had hurt her feelings and I realized then that to her, 90 was old, and 85 was not.

Excepting those with cards stacked against them from birth, who maybe did not realize they should not buy into the grain lobby, that maybe they should suck it up and go against the prevailing conventional wisdom.

For me it is carbs, for others it's gluten.

For many is not for all. One size will never fit all.

It is in the luck of the draw.

There are daredevil athletes in their 20s who tempt fate every day ... and sometimes they lose. I escaped that fate ... being not too coordinated to start

ETA:

TMI on my part???

Well, obviously my condition and then some sometimes affects my behavior (natch!)


Anyway, bumping ...

[donnamp]

Hi,

I will be 49 in November. I think it is normal to mourn the passage of time but overall I feel good about aging - I'm more comfortable in my own skin, I feel like i can be myself w/out making excuses. I have a better perspective on things and I don't sweat the small stuff as much as I did when I was younger. I wish I could go back in time and beat some sense into my younger self and tell myself I was good enough, smart enough, etc. But, I guess w/ age comes wisdom!

So, although I look back on the years and sometimes feel melancholy about the time that has passed overall I'm happier with myself now than I have ever been.

For Jeanne, Debbie, Alta - I'm so sorry for your losses. Jeanne, yours particularly struck me, my DH is 54 and has already had some health issues.
((HUGS)) to all of you and to anyone I may have missed in reading through this post.

Anna - I'm glad your mammogram came back normal. Those are always nerve-wrecking.

Take care ---

Donna

[Vintage VFer]

Originally Posted by Helen

Younger Next Year
Specifically targetted at people 50+
(primarily for men, but relevant information anyway)
This is available free on YouTube - the "video" is a constant image of the book cover, but the reader is very good. I converted it to MP3 & listened to it as I did other things. 9 hours. Good (up to date) science that I recognised from other science/health pods I've listened to.

Here's the links for YouTube & MP3 converter - also free, not software to download - does it for you then you get a link to download the MP3 file done & ready for you.
>>Younger next year, on YouTube<< converted it to MP3 >> here <<
It's holistic - exercise (primary emphasis) + diet + connectedness (social)
It's about FEELING better, BEING happier and healthier, BUT primarily through exercise- but it gives biological and evolutionary reasons WHY that works to make you healthier AND happier.

Younger Next Year for Women
(haven't read it, but optimistically assume it contains additional information not contained in the male version, regarding menopause)

Thinner This Year
This describes the previous two as the "why you should". This books is "how to do it". I got this for just $3 on Kindle & Amazon Cloud Reader - doable even out of curiosity.
>> Amazon download link for $AU 3 <<

ETA - not that I'm assuming a weight issue at ALL - just that the first book is BOTH about health AND happiness, in the years after 50.

Helen, thanks for the link to Younger Next Year! Other than the annoying "guy talk," I found the book really interesting and helpful.

[CabCalloway]

It's weird. I have a brother 6 1/2 years my senior. He breaks my mental barrier for each decade of life. When he turned 50 I was 44 and when I finally hit 50 it didn't seem as big a deal. When my "decade" ends I feel as if I've been in it for 16 years. I'm 56 now, so 60's been on my radar for 2 years already.

The age thing doesn't bother me so much as thinking about people I've lost from my past, be it old schoolmates, past relationships, old colleagues. Not that they've all passed on, a few have, but the realization that I may never see some of these people in the flesh again saddens me. In some cases I've reached out via LinkedIn/Facebook/etc and for the most part the reception has been positive. A couple never bothered to reply, so I left it at that, but those instances stung me because I've only held onto the good memories of those people and the cool response has tainted those feelings, making me second guess that perhaps I wasn't worth remembering. I secretly fear an all out negative response, so for the time being I have eased off on further reconnections. I hope that maybe some of these people will reach out first.
Maybe this is also part of the winter blues. I hope Punxatawney Phil is right this year.
Regards,
CabC

[cataddict]

Originally Posted by CabCalloway

It's weird. I have a brother 6 1/2 years my senior. He breaks my mental barrier for each decade of life. When he turned 50 I was 44 and when I finally hit 50 it didn't seem as big a deal. When my "decade" ends I feel as if I've been in it for 16 years. I'm 56 now, so 60's been on my radar for 2 years already.

The age thing doesn't bother me so much as thinking about people I've lost from my past, be it old schoolmates, past relationships, old colleagues. Not that they've all passed on, a few have, but the realization that I may never see some of these people in the flesh again saddens me. In some cases I've reached out via LinkedIn/Facebook/etc and for the most part the reception has been positive. A couple never bothered to reply, so I left it at that, but those instances stung me because I've only held onto the good memories of those people and the cool response has tainted those feelings, making me second guess that perhaps I wasn't worth remembering. I secretly fear an all out negative response, so for the time being I have eased off on further reconnections. I hope that maybe some of these people will reach out first.
Maybe this is also part of the winter blues. I hope Punxatawney Phil is right this year.
Regards,
CabC

You've echoed a lot of the sentiments that I have. I turn 60 tomorrow, and I don't feel old physically but sometimes I do mentally, some days more so than others.

At 50 I still had both of my parents and I hadn't watched my sister die of cancer. At 50 I was still having my period and in the throes of menopause.

It's funny how different "milestone" ages affect each of us. I was not at all bothered by 30 or by 50, but 40 bothered me a lot and 60 is still to come (in a matter of hours) and I'm sort of indifferent about it. I don't expect that I will feel any differently tomorrow than I do today.

This has been an interesting discussion. I've truly enjoyed reading about others' experiences.

Jeanne Marie, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how it must feel to lose your husband, particularly after such a long marriage. Prayers are with you as you continue to find your way into a new life.

Debbie, I'm also sorry to learn of your loss of your mother and brother, particularly in such a short time frame. My sister was diagnosed with cancer the week we buried my mother and she was gone within 6 months. It's so very, very hard.