08-21-21, 07:04 AM | |
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Virginia
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Significant weight loss and mental health
I'm sure many of you remember I've talked about losing a lot of weight years ago. This was in 2008-2009, before I joined the forum. While I never knew the exact amount, it was significant. My guess was approximately 80 pounds. I was 30 years old when I decided to get in shape. I'm someone who looks smaller than they are, meaning people usually guess I weigh less than I do. I'm 5'3" and I have an hourglass shape. At my lowest weight, I was 108 pounds. While that sounds like a healthy weight, it was too low for me. I exercised for hours a day to maintain and I lost my period for several years. OCD is what kept me going. I posted about it in 2013: This is SO hard for me! (Taking a rest day)
Well, I didn't do as well as I had hoped. I went back to my routine for another year or so. I eventually exercised less and less and then stopped. I mentioned I was taking Prozac in that thread, but I quit taking it almost immediately. I also quit therapy later that same year. I spent most of my 30s and into my early 40s shut off from people. I stopped caring about myself and let myself gain back the weight. Well, I finally woke up about 11 months ago and started the process again. So here I am at 43 and I weigh about 140. I'm a size 6. I exercise twice a day now. I start my day with a 3 mile Leslie Sansone walk and later I do strength training or fusion/Pilates. My brain keeps telling me to be smaller (like 120-130 pounds and/or size 2 or 4), but everyone around me says I look healthy and I don't need to lose weight. So I've been working on maintaining and toning. I can't trust what my eyes/brain see. Again, I don't know how much weight I lost this time, either. I refused to weigh myself when I was larger because I was afraid to know. What I do know is that my starting weight was higher this time around - starting at a size 14 before and 16 this time. I don't want to go through this again. I enjoy exercising. And I will remind myself when I get depressed that just because I don't care now doesn't mean I won't care later. I can't go through gaining and losing again. The older you get, the harder it is to do. I'm lucky that I was able to make such excellent progress in a short time at 42-43. I feel better physically and I look good in my clothes. Now that I've rambled on, I'll get to my real issue. When I lost weight before, I had loose skin on my stomach and inner thighs. It wasn't fast weight loss; it took about 1½ years. Still, it wasn't horrible and it didn't bother me too much. It's different now. I have wrinkly excess skin on my inner thighs and my upper/lower stomach. The back of my arms are jiggly and my butt is "eh," even though I do hundreds of squats per day. The more I lose, the worse my skin will look - and it's already bad, which keeps me from trying to become smaller. I do think it can improve some in time. I can't afford skin removal surgery and I'm not sure I'd want to go through it even if it was an option. I just spent 2 months fascia blasting. (Google it if you don't know what it is.) Last night I finally admitted to myself that it won't change or fix anything. All I have to show from it is very bruised skin and hours of wasted time. I think putting myself though the pain of that stems from OCD. I didn't mention before that I was battling some other compulsions when I began my current weight loss journey. My head is all messed up. Is anyone here dealing with loose skin from weight loss? Will it improve any in time? Aging and regaining/relosing have taken their toll this time around. I'm both mad at and ashamed of myself when I look in the mirror. I mean, how much do you have to hate yourself to put yourself through this crap more than once? I need advice, encouragement, help... Please tell me what to do. |
08-22-21, 04:16 PM | |
Join Date: Jul 2013
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Hello imhere2dance,
I'm sorry you're going through a hard time right now. Learning to accept ourselves just as we are is really hard. OCD is a really tough disorder to have. In your prior post you talked about going to therapy. I know a lot of people who have OCD go to talk therapy not knowing there is a gold standard treatment for OCD called ERP(exposure and response prevention). Talk therapy can actually make OCD worse so I just wanted to throw that out there in case you've been in talk therapy. If you don't have a qualified ERP therapist that treats OCD in your area, there is a great virtual OCD therapy app called NOCD. They take insurance as well. I'll link there website here: NOCD. If you can't do therapy for OCD right now, a qualified therapist I really like has an online coarse for treating OCD: CBT School Also, reading through your post, it makes me wonder if you might have a co-existing disorder called body dysmorphic disorder. It's important to get a diagnosis so you can seek the right treatment. Here's an article by the therapist I mentioned above on BDD: Body Dysmorphic Disorder Have a great day! |
08-23-21, 11:59 AM | |
VF Supporter
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Colorado Springs
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Well as you get older, your skin tends to get loose anyway, especially around the joints such as the knees. The main thing is to be vital and alive.
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"The two most powerful warriors are patience and time." Leo Tolstoy |
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loose skin, significant weight loss, spanx, weight loss |
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