Anyone else have a skinny husband? Feeling bad today!

[Vintage VFer]

((((((hotncmom)))))) I wish I could give you hugs in person!

Peri-menopause is a difficult time. (Kind like going through puberty again!)

My DH is slim and muscular. He works out and looks great. I'm grateful that he works out and is interested in keeping in shape. I've seen a lot of threads at VF where women bemoan the fact that their DH refuses to work out and they worry about his health.

The only workouts I do with him are stretch videos. I would *never* do measurements or "before" photos together with him. (I never do "before" photos anyway.)

Originally Posted by hotncmom

DH always tells me that I am beautiful and is very appreciative of my body...

This is important. Try to really listen to him when he says this. And not to the self-depreciating voices in your head.

[bubbles76]

Originally Posted by mspina

This!!!!!!!

I see no upside to making him feel crappy about his recent successes. He tells you that you look great, so this is clearly your issue. Suggesting to him that he is being insensitive by being happy with himself seems .... incredibly selfish to me. That said, from all the other posts I'm certainly in the minority here.

No not really. Except for the selfish part, I don't think she's being selfish. I just think the OP is feeling particularly down and is taking it out on her husband, even if it's just in her mind. The reason I say this is that she is a size 6 (not a bad size), comparing herself to a zero, comparing herself to his sister, comparing herself to a MAN. All that just says she is unhappy with how she looks, which is okay, but no reason to bring down her husband because she feel down. To the OP, has he said anything to make you think he's competing with you?

I've read over this again and again and it doesn't sound as though he's competing with you. I think that he's just incredibly proud of himself, so he's in his own "happy bubble" so to speak. If he really thought it was bothering you, I don't think he'd do it. He thinks you're hot; didn't he suggest the user name Maybe he just thinks you are really fit, and is trying to get to your level?

Either way, as has been said, you have to concentrate on YOU. Big Bubble has the legs, tight butt, and calves of a stallion, that I would LOOOOOVVVEE to have. But I am not jealous. I'm working out to get there. It may be a goal I can't reach, but I'm going to be the best me I can be.

[bubbles76]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

He's proud of himself. I say play along. Next time he flexes give him a smack on the butt & say "keep it up or I'll trade you in for 2 20s!" Tell him he's "got a Situation go in' on!"
Or, " Oooh, you're turning into such a man-dime!" I'd even get him some mesh shirts & a tanning salon coupon for his " new lifestyle".


Don't compete with him. That's just going to make you feel worse.

Love this! Especially the bolded part.

[sophiesmom]

Originally Posted by bubbles76

Love this! Especially the bolded part.

Thanks! I forgot that the OP should schedule a boudoir photography session...for HIM & tell him it's for her birthday.

[juliel]

Perhaps you can find something that you can do together that is healthy and not competitive. My husband and I used to hike together. It was great time spent together and we both felt great afterwards.
It is great that he is taking care of himself and you are too.

[Buzzer]

hotncmom (I always thought it was hottin-c-Mom... like you were hotting the c Mom thing or something... although I don't know what the c Mom thing is)

Anyhow, I read somewhere that women are naturally like 23% muscle, and Men are 40 something% muscle. That's naturally (although my numbers are probably off since I'm going from memory but I know I'm close). So that means if a Man doesn't workout, it will still take us about doubling our muscle to catch up to them when they just watch TV.

My DH used to have me help him do heavy lifting in the yard, and when I'd struggle he'd say "why are you struggling? you're the one that works out." and it would *tick* me off so bad!!!!
He also sometimes makes comments when we go hiking (he is chugging along ahead of me, I'm fighting to try to even keep him in my sight) along the same lines, and it just makes me irritated.

I don't think he's trying to compete with me, but I am trying to compete with him. He says the comments more, in his mind, in a ribbing me kind of way, not meaning it as a put down or an "I'm better than you" kinda way. However, in my mind, I hear it as a put down or that he thinks he's better than me.

I've had to change how I react to his comments. I used to take them to heart and think "why the heck do I even workout? I suck" but now I just try to let them roll off my back and know that every time I fall behind or struggle, I come by it naturally.

I will say also that when I was in really good shape, I'd look at my arms & say things in my head about how cool seeing my delt was or wow! I didn't realize my bicep looked like that! he's just saying that stuff out loud. Maybe it's a filtering difference between men and women? I dunno.

I don't even know if I'm adding to the conversation or making it worse. All I can say is, Men don't understand how fragile women's egos are, especially when it comes to their strength and bodies, and women don't understand how strong men's egos are when it comes to their strength and bodies.

Hugs to you my friend, and know that as long as you are doing your best, you're doing all you can!!

[deineira]

I am sorry that you are feeling so down about this situation. I wonder if your husband is just enjoying that he has regained his health and is now happier where he is physically than he was before. He may be overdoing it a little bit, but I wonder if that's where he's coming from. It does not mean that his behavior is ideal, it just means it may be coming from a different place other than being competitive.

I am another woman who is bigger than my husband, but definitely by more than you mentioned. This bothers me an eensie weensie bit occasionally, because we're programmed to be smaller, shorter, etc than men so that we feel more feminine. I happened to fall in love with and marry a guy who is my height and I'm pretty shapely, so he's going to be smaller than me anyways. Any time it comes up, it's because I'm not feeling very confident.

I try not to share my body image issues with him, or direct those insecurities his way, as it's a losing battle. I don't think it's unreasonable for you to share with him that his behavior makes you feel a little insecure as you're wrestling with some of your own body image issues right now. Ideally this will be something he is sympathetic to and he'll think twice about it next time. But, maybe he's looking for a pat on the back for his own accomplishments and to boost his own self esteem. When my husband talks about his muscles, it's not because he's pointing out something lacking in me...it's because he wants or needs a little ego boost...and I'm happy to give it to him. I guess I agree with sophiesmom as I do that too and it gives us both a good chuckle.

I'm sure you'll find your way through this, but now that at a size 6 there are many woman who would like to have that figure, and are struggling to get there, so you've worked hard and it sounds like you look great! It's hard not to compare yourself to others, I totally understand that, I do it too. But I know that's my journey, not theirs.

I hope you have a lovely vacation and that you're not too preoccupied with this but that's easier said than done.

((((((Big Hugs))))))))

[Debbie S.]

First, a huge hug. Based on the threads that you have started, you really stress over your yearly vacation with his side of the family.

This is last year's thread:
http://forum.videofitness.com/showth...light=hotncmom

I wish I/we had the answers for you, because I have no doubt that you're a wonderful person, and it's sad to see you suffer from your low self esteem.

Try to have fun on this year's vacation.

[hotncmom]

Originally Posted by Debbie S.

First, a huge hug. Based on the threads that you have started, you really stress over your yearly vacation with his side of the family.

This is last year's thread:
http://forum.videofitness.com/showth...light=hotncmom

I wish I/we had the answers for you, because I have no doubt that you're a wonderful person, and it's sad to see you suffer from your low self esteem.

Try to have fun on this year's vacation.

Ha, ha, yes, I think there is a yearly thread on that darn beach trip! I think last year I only got in my bathing suit one day of the entire week and wore shorts and tank tops the rest of the time.

Thanks for all the support you guys. Hopefully we can talk this out. I don't like someone else measuring me and writing things down. I don't think being that nitpicky about your body is good for the self-esteem. I usually use how my clothing fits instead of measuring.

It was really just the measuring comparison that bothered me. When I stand next to him I look smaller. It was just a shock to find that our measurements were so similar.

We're doing the program but I do it during the day and he does it when he gets home. He needs a lot of help! I have to help him with some of the exercises. He really relies on my help a lot. I basically taught him yoga too. He's not as coordinated as I am (even if he is stronger).

[Sissy B]

If taking before pictures and measurements is what bothers you, tell him he's welcome to do that but you're not going to continue doing that. You're going to measure your results on how your clothing fits.