Anyone else have a skinny husband? Feeling bad today!

[hotncmom]

So my DH has always been very skinny - an ectomorph body type. A couple of years ago due to a medication he was on that made him eat a lot and retain water, he had gained weight and was borderline obese. Since he got of the medication and started doing UY at my suggestion (he's halfway through round 2 now), he has lost all of the weight and gone back to his usual thin self where he can eat whatever he wants for the most part. He is also more defined and muscular than he has ever been (his body looks a lot like Travis).

So I got this PiYo set and he wants to do it with me. He insisted on doing it the "right way" and wanted to do before/after pictures and measurements. So we stripped down to our underwear and started measuring while he logged the measurements into a spreadsheet.

Now I am not in peak form right now. I just got my period for the first time in 6 months so I am in the throes of perimenopause and have cellulite where I have never had any before. I am trying to clean up my diet but the cravings have been out of control at times. So I was already nervous about how I was going to "measure up" so to speak. DH always tells me that I am beautiful and is very appreciative of my body, but I know I don't look my best.

When we measured, I was so ashamed. The only part of DH that is larger than me is his chest (we measured right under the arm pits above the breasts). My upper arms are the same circumference. My thighs are the same circumference. My waist (measured at the belly button) is the same circumference. My hips are bigger than his. I am not particularly big - I wear about a size 6 right now - but it's just that he is so small.

I tried to tell him how I feel but he just doesn't get it. In the past I have worried about weighing more than my husband even though he's 4 inches taller than I am. There are times when he is in the low 150's and at my highest weight years ago I was almost 150. It makes me so upset when he pinches a tiny bit of skin on his stomach and says he's getting fat - if he's fat, I must look huge!

And we are going to the beach in about 6 weeks. With his family. His sister is a tad bit younger than me but she's just like him, naturally skinny. I really don't want to stand next to either of them in a bathing suit.

I would like to be able to not worry about this but I do. I feel like DH is competing with me as well. If I get 10K steps, he makes sure to go for a run so he tops me almost every week in steps. We did PiYo together yesterday for the first time (Align and Lower Body) and he added on UY Detox on top of it. And we went for a walk together but he still ended the day ahead of me in steps. When we go to the park, he will show off his monkey bar prowess when I can just barely hang there.

At one point I was the fit one, he was just skinny. And then he gained weight. And then he lost it and really got in shape. He gets tons of compliments even a year after he lost the weight - compliments I have never gotten.

I don't mean to sound bitter. I'm glad he's in shape and wants to look good. I'm just jealous at how easy it seems to come to him. And I want to look smaller than my husband!

[BunnyHop]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time of it.

Is there any chance this competitive behavior is even the least bit show-off-y? (As in, showing off for you, not against you? 'Hey, honey, look at me! I'm feeling better and stronger than I used to, isn't that great?' more than 'I'm better than you')

One thing I do know. Sometimes people misinterpret our need for support and provide other things, when what we need is a hug. (Metaphorically or actually)

[hotncmom]

He stands in front of the mirror every night and flexes. While he does this he asks things like "Do you see this muscle? Don't I look good?" I know he is proud of himself but in the meantime I feel like I look worse than I have in years (because of the cellulite) and much of it feels out of control. Even if I exercised as much as he does, my appetite would spike and it would be worse.

And just for good measure, he'll do some extra chin ups and pushups right before getting in bed too.

[dutchgirl]

I have little to offer you than a big hug! I think you're very brave to acknowledge your feelings and insecurities. I think that's a monumental step.

It does sound like you're doing yourself a disservice comparing yourself to your husband. From what you described you and he do not have a similar build or body type. The only person you should compare yourself to is you. According to you you're not where you want to be. That's can be hard enough without adding in an unfair comparison with your husband.

That said, I do empathize with your desire to be like someone else. My sister and I have different builds and it seems no matter what her size she always looks great. It's taken time to get over it (and sometimes I'm not over it). I've learned from her that at times she's envious of me too. I'm guessing there have been times when your husband was envious of you too.

Believe in yourself and the incredible person that you are!

[toaster]

I would never compare my own measurements to my DH's--his would be smaller! He is about an inch taller than me yet about 10 lbs. lighter. I'm within a healthy weight range for my height, but I'm on the high end and he's on the low end. Yes, he's naturally thin, and even worse, he doesn't exercise! He has like 8% body fat; it's insane. He can eat whatever he wants too, although he generally eats relatively healthy (he eats what I cook) and he actually doesn't seem to get very hungry, as he often skips meals. It's enough to drive you crazy if you think about it!

So, I try not to think about it too much.

[Snuckles]

{{{HUGS}}}

I just want to hug you right now. Although I'm not in the same exact situation, I can totally understand how you must feel. I know it's hard, (because I'm guilty of it as well) but take his compliments about you and your body as fact. In his eyes you are beautiful and perfect. You need to own that.

Your husband is probably not competing with you. More than likely he's competing with himself and proud of his accomplishments. He's probably just fishing for compliments from you as well.

Funny thing is that I'm writing this for you and myself as well . . .

[Juliepie]

I'm reminded of an old "Cathy" comic strip (paraphrasing)...

To lose 5 pounds:

Women
Exercise 5-6 days a week for at least an hour
Count calories
Measure portions exactly
etc.
etc.

Men
Skip lunch.

It really is easier for men to lose weight.

[cpcathy]

More hugs here!

I completely sympathize with what you're going through--my husband is skinny, 150 on a good day, he has gained weight lately but only in his midsection, but when he wants to lose weight and puts his mind to it--whoosh!--he loses 10 lbs like that. He even agreed to do 21 Day Fix with me and then copped out even before we began, so I'm doing it alone. It's frustrating for perimenopausal women to lose weight at the same rate men do, our bodies are just different, there's no getting around it. I know you are trying from your other post on PiYo. Just be kind to yourself and don't compare yourself to anyone, not your husband, not your family, just don't do it. We are all lovely in our own way, and yes, it's hard to remember that.

[toaster]

Originally Posted by Juliepie

I'm reminded of an old "Cathy" comic strip (paraphrasing)...

To lose 5 pounds:

Women
Exercise 5-6 days a week for at least an hour
Count calories
Measure portions exactly
etc.
etc.

Men
Skip lunch.

It really is easier for men to lose weight.

This is basically what my DH does!

[fuzzie]

(((hotncmom))) So sorry you are feeling bad! Men (well, some men) seem to build muscle and lose fat so much easier than we do... which is why I have always said I am coming back as a man in my next life!!

Originally Posted by hotncmom

At one point I was the fit one, he was just skinny. And then he gained weight. And then he lost it and really got in shape.

Is it possible that he seems to "compete" with you, to flex and to ask for positive feedback because in the past he has felt like the unfit one and he wants you to find him attractive and be proud of him (just like he seems to rightfully find you attractive and to be proud of you? )