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Old 07-16-21, 08:52 AM  
Juliepie
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I can't imagine what you're going through, Annette. All I can say is bless you for doing this. <<<<hugs>>>>
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Old 07-16-21, 09:59 AM  
kat999
 
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I'm so sorry this is happening. Those kids are very lucky to have you.

I'm wondering if once the school year gets underway you can try to take some time for yourself, because as the old saying goes, you've got to put on your own oxygen mask first before you can help others. Another idea I have for you (if you want ideas!) is to maybe think about active activities you can do with the kids if they would be open to it, like taking hikes in local parks. This could provide an opportunity for bonding, for the kids to vent a little, and for you to both get some fresh air and exercise, which can be very healing and important.

Your stress levels have got to be through the roof right now. I would think that trying to do some meditation at bedtime might also help.

Hang in there! It's likely that the kids will settle in a bit and get more relaxed if they see that their current environment is safe and supportive. And while it must be stressful to have them with you, it probably is far preferable to the foster care system, even if it means you have them for several years.
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Old 07-16-21, 10:05 AM  
moonbeam31
 
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Oh my goodness! That is a LOT to suddenly deal ! That is a great responsibility to take on as well. Just take it day by day and give them all the love and support they are not used to getting. Pray for strength and wisdom each day as well. Keep us updated, we are here for support!
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Old 07-16-21, 10:09 AM  
cyana
 
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I don't consider this to be a whine - caregivers need a safe space to vent, as it is a tough role and sometimes you just need to get things off your chest without judgment so you can get through the day.

Big hugs to you Annette. Hopefully everyone will fall into a routine soon and you'll be able to get back to your regular work-outs.

As others have already mentioned, this is a good place to come for support.
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Old 07-16-21, 10:15 AM  
cailleach
 
Join Date: May 2004
I was going to say this verbatim.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kat999 View Post
...as the old saying goes, you've got to put on your own oxygen mask first before you can help others. Another idea I have for you (if you want ideas!) is to maybe think about active activities you can do with the kids if they would be open to it, like taking hikes in local parks. This could provide an opportunity for bonding, for the kids to vent a little, and for you to both get some fresh air and exercise, which can be very healing and important.
You should take care of yourself first to take care of others.
The fact that they called you for help is telling.
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Old 07-16-21, 11:28 AM  
bzar
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annette, i am so sorry to hear about this situation that you're in. i echo what everyone has said.

not to detract from your situation, my married niece fostered two children from her husband's side of the family when the children were around 6-7 YO. the biological mother (i will call "Dana") of these two kids was severely drug dependent. i often got confused because dana would come around to family parties. i asked why is dana here? i thought if her kids were removed from her home she should be out of the picture? but because she was related to my niece's husband, dana felt free to attend parties. eventually, my niece and her DH legally adopted the 2 kids.

today, 12 years later, these two kids have graduated from high school, work part time, and one of them is in community college. my niece was a SAHM, husband works in construction. her husband's side of the family is very dysfunctional. his family has other checkered people in his family - he's so different than his relatives it's surprising. the credit goes to my niece for holding everything together. she was in her late 20s when they fostered the children, and they have kids of their own born the same years as the fostered kids!

we got a letter from CPS to help out with my DH's distant cousin's kids who live on another island. same situation - drug-dependent parents. my DH was not interested, and i wasn't sure how it would work from another island. i don't have regret in our decision to hold back, but i sometimes wonder what would have happened, and wonder how they're doing.
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Old 07-16-21, 11:48 AM  
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(((Annette))) - giant hugs to you! You have taken on a lot to protect the vulnerable. That has to be crazy stressful.
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Old 07-16-21, 12:33 PM  
Jane P.
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You have taken on an incredible burden and are a wonderful Aunt. The kids are lucky even if they don't know it yet.

This might be a time to go to a gym if there's an affordable one nearby. That way you could get away for an hour or so, which might give you a badly needed break from time to time.

Maybe you could interest the 17 year old in doing some videos with you. You probably would not get the quality of workout you usually get, but it might help your relationship.

The outdoor walks are a great idea.

As someone else said, you might have some more time once school starts.

You can vent here, but maybe find someone closer to home to talk to such as a counselor or member of clergy.
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Old 07-16-21, 01:35 PM  
Softshoe
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Hey Annette, I'll keep you in my prayers.
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Old 07-16-21, 02:03 PM  
MathTeacher
 
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I have so many kids who are being raised by siblings, aunts, uncles, grand parents, even GREAT grand parents. And sadly there are some who couch surf. They come to school for food. You truly are making a difference in their lives. Thank you so much for doing this.

Take care of yourself.

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