How Do you Not Internalize Stress?

[lorajc]

Okay, I posted on another thread about pain/spasms and working out. This led me to start thinking about this. When I get "stressed" ....I seem to "internalize" the stress and tense up and get all tight and spasmed. I know people say to relax and not let stuff affect you like this, but in my close to 51 years, I've never been able to figure out how to do this.

Anyone care to share with me how you don't let stress affect you? I'd love to hear your suggestions! I know I'm asking for a lot....buy you peeps are my wonderful VF family!

[Pat58]

I'm working with a stress counselor right now. I've only had two sessions. One of the fundamental things he keeps harping on is exercise: "sweating, heart pumping" exercise as he puts it. He told me exercise helps wash away stress and anxiety chemicals in the body.

Right now I'm in a place where I can't engage in intense exercise. We made a pact that I can focus on gentle yoga, including Svaroopa. If the muscles are stretching and you're breathing deeply, it will help. Also walking, pumping it up and challenging myself. He recommends when walking outdoors, enjoy nature, focus on the sun, breeze, etc. If indoors on a TM, wear an Ipod with relaxing Sounds True type CDs on it (yoga music, nature sounds, etc.). In my car I put all the Korn, Judas Priest, Metallica, et al in the back and am playing Shiva Rea and other yoga music CDs - it is helping.

Another assignment is "mobility." During my desk job day, I must get up and stretch, take deep breathing breaks, walk across the office, move paper here and there. Just keep getting up and about.

My biggie is deflecting the tape in my mind. He was dead right in suspecting I don't go home and relax - I collapse and play the day's stressful scenario over and over like a tape loop in my mind. He says "stop - notice the thought - let it go and immediately focus on something else. Don't care if you have to do this 5,000 times, keep working on it." Even if you have to physically hold out your hand like The Supremes and say "Stop!" just do it.

Personally, even before the stress counselor I discovered Lee Holden's Qi Gong and got the "get it all" set. Having Lee at home to hold my hand and guide me through these simple yet amazingly effective routines has been a lifeline.

Best wishes to you. If I get any more helpful "assignments" I'll report back.

[PeakFitness]

By venting to someone.. If I don't talk about it, I just keep up this internal monologue that just keep getting worse and worse. This was actually the only thing Dr. Phil said that I agree with, lol, that once you "get it out" even just writing in a journal or something, it's only then that you realize you were just blowing it up in your head and it's really not as bad as you thought. And then you're better able to "let it go." So true!

[Sophie]

You've gotten some great suggestions already. I think it can take a while to try different coping methods to see which suits your personality best. I would completely agree with those who feel that psychological stress can show up in the body as physical pain.

Something to consider - pain and stress are learned behaviours, and it's been demonstrated that stress can exacerbate pain, which you probably know already. Some interesting reading from yoga teacher/psychologist Kelly McGonigal: Yoga and Pain Relief, which has a good deal to do with stress coping.

Best of luck in your search. Keep in mind that this can be a long journey, and the first and foremost tool is patience, and kindness towards yourself if you can't "fix" things right away.

[lorajc]

I probably should have mentioned that a lot of my stress right now is from being in a new position at work. I'm in sales and we don't rotate sales, so it's very stressful trying to be on your toes at all times and trying to get the customer first when there are 3 of you there!! How do you deal with that?

I realize that It's gonna take a LOT of practice, but I need to start doing something!!

[buffmama]

I just want to second the yoga recommendation. After a stressful summer I started doing yoga on a regular basis in addition to my other exercises and found I was definitely calmer. I'm also hoping to add some meditation into the mix but am not there yet. Fresh air and sunshine midday for a few minutes should also probably help - just stand and breathe .

[antbuko]

I internalize it too. I can actually feel myself tensing up the various body parts. When I notice it, I make an effort to relax it, but a longer term & preemptive solution for me is some kind of quiet, meditative time. I fall on and off the wagon with doing it but it really, really works. I do it in the morning, after coffee and before anything else. Whatever my morning theme for the day was, I repeat often thoughout the day, like several times an hour. Another technique that is working for me is to make a concerted effort to pay attention to and redirect my thoughts, which is also kind of the point of the morning meditiation too. If I let my thoughts run amok then they can really get on a runaway negative train which in turn disrupts my peace of mind, creating tension and stress. I'm actually getting quite good at the old positive outlook thing.

[ooty]

Hugs to all the stressers ( I am one of them). I think I have ADD because I get in and out of stress mode easily. The upshot is that I am not stressed for long peridos of times, but the downside is that I get back into it quickly. My office mate wrote on the board: "The sky will not fall. RELAX".
I have been anxiety-ridden for a year now... mostly work-related stress.

My husband tells me, "Nobody is going to cut your head off".

I am very sensitive and also a play it safe gal. So I get easily hurt.
I have to RUN when I feel like I am going to explode. Yes, I need heart-pumping action for a release. For my personality, I think smashing China like they show in movies would be a good release, but ALAS I don't do it. I think it helps to vent it out to someone.

Lorajc: I saw this a couple of days ago in some Oprah-related newsletter

Diane Sawyer says "Whatever you want in life, other people are going to want it too. Believe in yourself enough to accept the idea that you have an equal right to it."

Pat58: {{{HUGS}}} dear!

[jerebo]

I agree with everything so far. Definitely yoga, qi gong (which I've yet to try) or some form of meditation seems to help. Recently I downloaded for my iphone "Belly Biofeedback." You put the phone on your abdomen so that it can tilt as you breathe in and out. It measures your breathing and determines how "calm" or otherwise you are. In addition, you begin to breathe to the sound of waves and relaxing music. I find it really helps.

If you don't have an iphone, you can try CDs--or get the same effect from sitting quietly and breathing deeply and mindfully. Yoga has much the same effect.

[susan p]

Lora, I am near your age and have the same problem. My stress lands very specifically in my RIGHT shoulder/trapezius/mid-back area and can lock me up in pain so bad I literally cannot lift a cup of water to my mouth.

Is your physical stress localized like that, where there's ONE muscle/muscle group that is mainly at play? I have to work at CONSCIOUSLY relaxing the muscles on my right shoulder and learning to be aware of their tenseness. Warmth helps a lot, if I am feeling really tense a heating pad on that shoulder helps a lot.

General strategies that work for me at lowering overall stress are belly breathing, conscious relaxation of the muscles, moderate cardio (too intense and adrenaline just makes it worse. Yoga does NOT work for me, for some reason I obsess worse when I'm trying to focus on my breath and stretch. Once I have done some moderate cardio to burn off the worst of the stress, THEN I can do yoga. But not yoga on its own.

I understand why you are struggling so much since you mentioned that you are in a competitive environment at work. I HATE competition. I am not a competitive person and when I find myself in an environment where I have to be competitive I get VERY, VERY tense.

Do a study of yourself. Watch and listen and hear and feel how you react when a customer walks in and you suddenly have to beat your fellow salesfolks to them. If you pay attention you might find certain behaviors you can consciously work on --if you start breathing faster, if you clench your buttocks (some people do, I don't mean that to be funny!) or whatever. Learn what your physical reactions are and you can begin to work more specifically on what you need to focus on controlling.

Good luck. If nothing else at all in this post happens to be personally helpful to you, at least know this: I SYMPATHIZE ENTIRELY.