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Old 01-30-22, 08:53 AM  
donnamp
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Maryland, USA
Laura S - I hope that your Dr. can help you get on a good path to feeling better.

Donna
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Old 01-30-22, 10:09 AM  
kat999
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Ohio
I admit that I am vain. I'm in my mid-40s and do struggle with maintaining a look that makes people think I'm about ten years younger. I was made fun of for my looks as a kid (glasses, very pale, awkward, dorky), so when I sort of blossomed a bit more in my 20s, I decided that "going gently" into aging was for the birds and I was going to stay active and "with it" as long as I could. So maybe that puts me counter to a lot of the truly lovely advice in this thread, but it's how I feel.

Now, ironically I am also a big advocate for being healthy at any size, recognizing that the d*et industry is sexist, ageist, and looksist, and that especially women need to be allowed to actually exist in whatever form we naturally have or prefer to have. I think extreme surgery is dangerous, body dysmorphia and ED are a mental health crisis, and we put waaaaaay too much primacy on a certain narrow appearance that caters to the gaze of powerful men. So I think that stalking Bridget Fonda as she dares to exist is rude, and that whole article is kind of "double edged" in how it seems to advocate for a healthy, balanced attitude toward aging while also allowing readings to gawk at these "dramatic" transformations (when many of them are truly just either normal aging or the result of some unfortunate surgery, and none of these happened overnight).

So I feel very torn, very self-conscious, and I struggle with this. I exercise for a variety of reasons: mental health, physical health (blood pressure, stamina, flexibility, balance, strength, bone health, all that good stuff), but I do also do it so that I don't become obese, which I don't want for myself due to a variety of physical and mental and emotional reasons. However, I truly don't care and don't judge people with different priorities, different shapes, sizes, and health challenges. I also think that we not only valorize beauty in our society but also a mythical version of "good health" that is almost a value judgement. That is, if we are "healthy," we have done all the right or correct things, whereas people who are "unhealthy" have somehow chosen to be so and should be judged for it. Furthermore, what if they have deliberately to be "unhealthy"? If it's in a way that doesn't harm others at all or infringe on public health, who cares? I do think people have the right to their own bodily autonomy.

I look at someone like Linda Cardelinni, who is almost exactly my age, and she is slender but not dangerously so, she may have had work done but it seems subtle, and she looks her age but like a very balanced version of it that seems both natural but also very attractive. Bridget Fonda is the same age as Courteney Cox, who seems to have tried to maintain a similar look she's had her whole career, although she has had times when her fillers appear extreme and she has backed off of them. People are living longer, people are staying more youthful looking for longer, and I expect even more advances will happen in the next few years when it comes to physical aging.

When I think about what about aging scares me the most, though, that I want to resist, it actually isn't about gaining weight or losing mobility as much as it is losing my mental acumen. If I had to chose one thing to retain, it actually would be my memory, my intelligence, my ability to communicate, and my ability to reason and think critically. If the trade-off for that were gaining 100 lbs., losing my mobility, and physically looking very elderly, I would absolutely prioritize my mind, no question. Fortunately, IMHO, I don't think I need to make that trade-off, so I'm going to continue moisturizing, exercising, watching what I put into my body, and feeding my mind as much as I possibly can.
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Old 01-30-22, 10:48 AM  
dnna
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Comparing Bridget Fonda and Courtney Cox is very unfair. Bridget Fonda was in a terrible car accident and has severe spinal injuries.

Some older people deal with arthritis which is incredibly painful and limits movement- like me. To compare me to people without a physical disability is unfair and frankly I do not care . I am doing the best I can and if someone is thinner and does more workouts than me I send them good vibes that they can continue.

and good vibes and my best to all the posters on the vf forum who continue to keep on moving on- even if it is in a chair ( like me)

Demeras- you always have such clear sighted responses, thank you!

donna
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Old 01-30-22, 11:34 AM  
kat999
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Ohio
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Originally Posted by dnna View Post
Comparing Bridget Fonda and Courtney Cox is very unfair. Bridget Fonda was in a terrible car accident and has severe spinal injuries.

Some older people deal with arthritis which is incredibly painful and limits movement- like me. To compare me to people without a physical disability is unfair and frankly I do not care . I am doing the best I can and if someone is thinner and does more workouts than me I send them good vibes that they can continue.

and good vibes and my best to all the posters on the vf forum who continue to keep on moving on- even if it is in a chair ( like me)
I'm only comparing them because they are the same age. You are 100% correct that Bridget was in a bad car accident and was severely injured. You are absolutely doing your best and no one deserves to be judged. This issue was very triggering for me for a variety of personal reasons, and at the end of the day my point is that we none of us know what we're all dealing with, we should be applauded merely for getting through our lives as best as we can, and focusing on things that bring us joy. Tearing down others is terrible, and to be clear I was not trying to do that.

For me, I am currently extremely lucky to be mostly physically capable of doing the same workouts I did when I was 20, although I struggle with aches and pains and flagging energy and a variety of limitations. But again, for me, I view aging as something I am really, really fighting.
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Old 01-30-22, 12:22 PM  
Sissy B
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Honestly one of the best recommendations my DH's physician gave him a few years ago was to read Younger Next Year by Henry Lodge & Chris Crowley. It makes the point that while you're going to age - your hair will turn gray, things will sag, and your skin will become thinner and crepey as you age - you don't have to decay. Staying active and exercising helps with that.

Kathleen Turner has Rheumatoid arthritis and that has affected her appearance. She was diagnosed in her late 30s.
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Old 01-30-22, 01:21 PM  
warriorprincess
 
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Join Date: Aug 2002
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Originally Posted by Sissy B View Post
Honestly one of the best recommendations my DH's physician gave him a few years ago was to read Younger Next Year by Henry Lodge & Chris Crowley. It makes the point that while you're going to age - your hair will turn gray, things will sag, and your skin will become thinner and crepey as you age - you don't have to decay. Staying active and exercising helps with that.

Kathleen Turner has Rheumatoid arthritis and that has affected her appearance. She was diagnosed in her late 30s.
My DH loved that book! He read it shortly before he retired and bought several copies to give to friends. He did exercise daily for over a year before his lower back pain finally demotivated him. He does less and less now, and the pain grows worse. It's a vicious cycle.
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Old 01-30-22, 01:29 PM  
carolyn jane
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
I don't keep us with celebrities so how they age doesn't interest me. But in reading the article, I am struck by the assumption that aging "appropriately" means gaining an enormous amount of weight. Considering the health implications of significant weight gain, I don't think that is a good message along the lines of "accept that you have wrinkles" or "be OK with not looking like you are 20 years old anymore."
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Old 01-30-22, 03:47 PM  
dnna
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
gaining weight as you grow older can be a condition of taking a lot of medications. My friend now wears a size 2x and was a size small her entire life. She has MS and has a lot of trouble walking. So it is often not a conscious -oh the heck with it I am old so I will just not care-.
This has also happened to me and I have been judged really cruelly for being overweight. I had a complete thyroidectomy and have debilitating arthritis so try that on for size . hard. also a size small all my life before the surgery and the arthritis started raging.
Your body shape does change with are as well. I remember watching the old Firm vhs! that addresses this.
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Old 01-30-22, 04:01 PM  
Erica H.
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
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Originally Posted by dnna View Post
gaining weight as you grow older can be a condition of taking a lot of medications. My friend now wears a size 2x and was a size small her entire life. She has MS and has a lot of trouble walking. So it is often not a conscious -oh the heck with it I am old so I will just not care-.
This has also happened to me and I have been judged really cruelly for being overweight. I had a complete thyroidectomy and have debilitating arthritis so try that on for size . hard. also a size small all my life before the surgery and the arthritis started raging.
Your body shape does change with are as well. I remember watching the old Firm vhs! that addresses this.
I am struggling with issues that have caused me to gain weight as well after being very fit and lean for a long time. It's hard enough living in this new body and coming to terms with it but having to deal with what others think and how I am judged makes it much more difficult.

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Old 01-30-22, 04:20 PM  
prettyinpink
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
I agree that the article is double-edged, though I lean toward the side that it is mostly mean when these rags publish stories with unflattering pictures of people especially if they clearly no longer want to have their pictures published and have stayed out of the public eye, like Bridget Fonda and Kelly MacGillis.

These people at some point had plenty of money and access to the best anti-aging tips, products, and procedures, yet life happens to them just as it does to all of us. And not everyone is interested in all of that. Or in continued fame.

Kathleen Turner has been open about her autoimmune medical conditions that caused her to need years of steroids and limited activity, which resulted in weight gain. She had a part in a Netflix show in the last couple years, and is as awesome as she ever was. You never know what a person has been through. And even if they haven’t been through something like that, it is their life, they don’t need to maintain a certain look if they don’t want to.

Jamie Lee Curtis has had a lot of work done, actually, but it was when she was younger. Eventually she came out and said she regretted it and was stopping.

I want to be as healthy as possible as I age, so I do my best to maintain a healthy weight and strong bones. Yes there is still some vanity there, less the older I get, but if it is motivating vanity and not the beat-yourself-up kind, then I don’t see the problem. It’s human nature. I don’t plan to ever get Botox, filler, or any cosmetic procedures, but if doing so is part of a healthy outlook and helps someone feel good, then more power to them.
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