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Old 05-22-20, 04:42 PM  
Terry
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Texas
Quote:
Originally Posted by VainJane View Post
You know it! When I was younger and 30 pounds heavier, I got the "you have such a pretty face, you'd be stunning if you lost some weight" treatment from multiple people including my own mother. After I lost weight, my mother lamented that my face wasn't as pretty anymore.

I laugh about it now, but at the time (in my early 20s) it really messed with my self-esteem.
That had to hurt coming from your mom.

Aside: This reminds me of how my mom cracked me up about looks. She was 87 and a bit senile; I was 59 and not blessed with super great 59-year-old skin like some of my friends have. She was sitting at the table with me and all of a sudden said, "Does my skin look as old as yours does?" Her wondering about her skin compared to mine was pretty funny, but it was hilarious to me that it came out of her mouth. Her non-senile self would never have said anything like that to any of her kids. It made her seem more of a person instead of just "my mom" if that makes any sense.
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Old 05-22-20, 05:04 PM  
Terry
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Texas
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Originally Posted by leigh1673 View Post
While it's not right to criticize anybody's appearance, skinny-shaming and fat-shaming are not the same thing. No matter what anybody says, in our society, thin = good and fat = bad.
Not where I live. Twenty to 80 pounds "overweight" is considered to be normal and good.
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Old 05-22-20, 05:06 PM  
Terry
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
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Originally Posted by Taiga View Post
Times are changing. What media refers to as the "fat acceptance movement" has definitely had an effect on challenging that. I think there was a great opportunity to celebrate diversity and dump the shallowness that allows society to grade women like they are livestock. Instead, the movement has become in part a backlash of cruelty and a celebration of poor health. If you lose weight or pursue healthy habits, you're vain and guilty of sabotaging "body positivity" for women. Forbid that you should decline a piece of cake at a social function. Sometimes it is less threatening to just take the cake and secretly dump it in the trash rather than endure the comments now. I had one woman recently tell me that she could not neglect her family by working out the way that I do. Yeah, my family is still snoring when I finish my workout. And the energy I earn helps me to do better things for them. I am not a bad mother or wife because I work out. Do your own thing and leave me be.

I do understand some of the reason for the backlash. People are sick and tired of being JUDGED. They just want to go about their business without being made to feel crummy. And in truth, if you aren't in a current mindset to take care of your health, it can feel demoralizing to watch others do it. I think most of us have been there--life happens and it can be hard to stay above water at times let alone thrive. Society fuels food addiction to the level of insanity while guilting us for being gluttons and shaming us to the point that we'll buy anything to escape the emotional turmoil of it all. And we still have jobs, kids and ailing parents etc. The pressure can be a bit much!

After seeing a recent media blurb, I had an acquaintance say that she didn't feel all that bad seeing "thin oppressors" getting a taste of their own medicine. She's struggling with her diabetes and recently added insulin. She has gained so much weight in the past year and is completely stressed out about increasing health issues. It seems to be a vicious cycle and I feel bad for her. She will make off-handed remarks about my body, lunch foods, walking more when I can etc. I know she is struggling so my responses are kind but I would be skewered if I made similar comments about her choices.

I think what we really need is a "celebration of health and compassion" movement. Life is beautiful and we are carrying far too much baggage. People are always better when they just feel loved. They are far more likely to take better care of themselves without the crushing stress of disapproval. We all see the stories about body transformations inspired by rejection or bullying. But I question the value of that. We don't need people who are obsessed with gaining adoration or avoiding cruelty. We need a sense of community that encourages mental and physical health.
Spot on!
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Old 05-22-20, 05:08 PM  
Terry
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Texas
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Originally Posted by Gams View Post
When I was in my 20’s I was anorexic and there were people who congratulated me and told me to keep up the good work even though I was 5’ 4” tall and weighed 80 lbs. and some people I knew told me it was good I had lost weight because I used to be fat even though the heaviest I had ever weighed at that point was 110 lbs.


Maybe they were anorexic too?
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Old 05-22-20, 06:45 PM  
muggle
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
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Originally Posted by Terry View Post
Don't you wish you could have come up with an instant comeback rather than being stuck in stunned silence that she actually said that with that look on her face?

How about: Oh my god! You look so disgusted with how fit I am.
Well...she then pointed at me and said “Are you ok?”. My reply was “I’m awesome!! Join me at 5 AM for a workout!”
I’ve had a lot of people say very nasty things about me and to my face about my size. I’m fit and lean!! That should be the end of the story.
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Old 05-22-20, 09:04 PM  
Taiga
 
Join Date: May 2006
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Originally Posted by Terry View Post

Now go ahead and eat half of a double-cheese pizza tonight since you are lucky like that according to them LOL!
mmmm...Pizza
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Old 05-23-20, 08:10 AM  
laurajhawk
 
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Colorado
Quote:
Originally Posted by Terry View Post
Don't you wish you could have come up with an instant comeback rather than being stuck in stunned silence that she actually said that with that look on her face?

How about: Oh my god! You look so disgusted with how fit I am.
I'd stick with " Oh, I'm surprised anyone would say something so rude!"
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Old 05-23-20, 09:59 AM  
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I don't think there is a good comeback to some of the comments. You aren't going to change folks' minds.

About 15 years ago, I went through a very tough time with a stomach disorder and lost weight. I told someone about it and she said, "I wish I had that!" (So that she could lose weight.)

I said, "No, you really, really don't want this illness!"
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Old 05-30-20, 03:39 AM  
hypnomoon
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Denver, CO
I've lost 25# since the beginning of the year. My pants are, literally, falling off me. I can take them off without even unbuttoning and unzipping them. I have been using a safety pin to cinch them so they don't drop!

I can sense that my friends don't want to mention this weight loss for fear of being taken wrong. Of course, I wouldn't be offended because they are close friends and, I haven't lost the weight because I wanted to 'look' better. It's just an interesting situation that many of us don't want to make a compliment for fear of offending.
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Old 05-30-20, 07:25 AM  
LAC
 
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Join Date: Apr 2006
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Originally Posted by hypnomoon View Post
I've lost 25# since the beginning of the year. My pants are, literally, falling off me. I can take them off without even unbuttoning and unzipping them. I have been using a safety pin to cinch them so they don't drop!

I can sense that my friends don't want to mention this weight loss for fear of being taken wrong. Of course, I wouldn't be offended because they are close friends and, I haven't lost the weight because I wanted to 'look' better. It's just an interesting situation that many of us don't want to make a compliment for fear of offending.
This came up for me recently when I ran into a former co-worker. When we worked together, she was very heavy and probably clinically morbidly obese. She had surgery and lost a significant amount of weight. She then went through a stressful period in her life and gained the weight back. About 10 months ago she retired and I hadn't seen her again until just last week. It was quite obvious that over that 10 month period she has lost a significant amount of weight again. And this is the conversation I was having in my head while chatting with her: Should I say she looks great (which would imply she didn't look great before and would be pretty rude) or should I ignore the weight loss and not say anything (which also felt rude since I'm sure it wasn't an easy task). I settled on saying it looks like you've been working hard during retirement. She kind of laughed and made a comment about spending time helping out with a new grandbaby and doing a lot of walking. And when our conversation was over I was still wondering what is the correct thing to do in this kind of a situation and hoping I had made the right choice.
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