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Old 07-27-17, 12:31 PM  
nycdiane
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: The Big Apple
Starting over after trauma, depression, and a lo-o-oooong absence from working out

Hello all,
I first joined VF in early '99, or possibly sometime in '98, back when the forum ran on different software. I remember many very funny and entertaining chats we all had in the chat room. There was one particular chat session that I remember - it had me laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face. My join date that shows here is after the switch was made to VBulletin (hey, my user ID # is only 14!).

I served as a Moderator for a time (we were dealing with Paulagate back then), but eventually life got in the way of my workouts and participation here. I had numerous ups and downs in trying to stay motivated to exercise and eat well, and my weight fluctuated a lot. I was struggling to balance many things in my life, which was hard because of my ADD tendencies and bouts of depression.

I have vivid and fond memories of being a member here, and once I even hosted a small gathering of NYC VFers in my tiny apartment. So, it's hard to fathom that my last post on the forum before this one was way back in '03 -- my goodness, 14 years ago! And, believe it or not, I still have about 75 of my old VHS videos and a VCR - I just couldn't get rid of them!

I did communicate privately with WWWendy once in early 2010, when I came back with the hope that I'd rekindle my fitness goals. Unfortunately, shortly after that, my world was turned upside down by a traumatic experience and the very real threat of homelessness. I was sent on a tailspin into deep depression, and life was very dark indeed for quite some time.

Slowly, things righted themselves and for a while, I was seeing light at the end of the tunnel and starting to feel okay. Last year, however, I experienced a car accident, the death of my best friend, and loss of my job all within the span of a month, and it's been hard to stay on a positive track. I do have good days but many not so good. Emotionally, I often feel like I'm on a roller-coaster. It was odd to come back here and see that my old signature was the statement "Life is good" because it has been a long time since I felt that way. So, I added the smiling little sun and kept it, as a reminder whenever I am here.

I am a stress eater, and with the stresses of the last 10 years or so, and the depression, my weight climbed back up to almost the highest it's ever been, which is rather disconcerting. I'm pretty fat and most of my clothes don't fit me anymore. There were many times I knew I had to do something and made a superficial gesture toward doing it, but then didn't follow through. For example, I have a really nice exercise bike that I bought about 5 years ago and never used. I haven't worked out at all for years. I am very unfit and worried about my health, as I am now 57 and feeling like my obesity is really aging me before my time. I especially feel it in my knees and ankles. And when I am depressed, I become very lethargic and struggle to even just get out of bed.

I CANNOT KEEP GOING THIS WAY! I know that exercise can and will help me get out of the depression that so often engulfs me. I thought about breaking out my old VCR because, until last week, I only had two exercise DVDs. But the VCR's not easily accessible. I have to be very frugal right now, because I'm only working part-time, so I picked up a few DVDs at the thrift store ($3 each - hurrah!), watched them, and liked them all.

I now have a whopping total of 8 DVDs - 3 cardio, 1 strength, 2 that mix both, 1 Pilates, and 1 yoga. I don't need a lot of variety and I was never one to care about trends and getting the latest releases, so this handful of DVDs is fine with me - most of them have options for different intensities and levels of fitness, so I can make adjustments. So now I am figuring out a rotation that will get me going without being too much to handle, and from which I can keep progressing. I also want to walk outside more because when I am feeling blue it is too easy to stay under the covers all day long on my days off.

I am not going to set myself up for failure by making big pronouncements about what I will do (doing that always bites me in the butt), but I thought that perhaps coming back here and just saying that I want to find my way back to being fit and feeling good after a long dark period would be a way to spur me forward. "Attagirls" are most welcome. Thanks for reading.
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Life is good.

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Old 07-27-17, 01:32 PM  
upperwside
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: On Canada 💗
So sorry you been through a very difficult time Diane. Good for you to reach out! Take one day at a time.. you are in NYC.. a great city to walk.. taking a nice long walk daily will help.. not only with mood.. but with weight. Little changes add up to big one. Rock it girl.. you can do it!!!!
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Old 07-27-17, 01:44 PM  
laurajhawk
 
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Colorado
Welcome home, and good for you making the moves to get back on track!
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"Don't say 'I can't' ... say 'I presently suck at this thing.'" - Matt Meese, BYU Divine Comedy
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Old 07-27-17, 01:48 PM  
Dorothy J
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Florida
{{Hugs}}} to you Diane...you have been through so much!

But you're still here, putting one foot in front of the other; that in itself shows what a strong survivor you are! My advice to you is to be kind to yourself--treat yourself as you would your best friend, with love, without judgement, with delight in every little victory.

Walking always helps me get out of a funk (not easy to do right now in blazing hot Florida), but hopefully more pleasant in NYC.

Another small thing that has helped me is this: at bedtime, I write down 3 good things that happened that day, things I'm grateful, that made me happy, etc. It sounds trite, but I find it surprisingly soothing. On trying days, it can be hard to come up with 3 things--the other day, one of them was simply "air conditioning," ha.

Please let us know how you're doing.
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"You want to go into life feeling great, feeling strong, and as you get older, feeling even stronger!" Gin Miller
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Old 07-27-17, 02:08 PM  
LizEMA
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northeast
Good for you, Diane! Your determination and tenacity is inspiring. I can relate to most of your post, and it's so nice to hear about the perserverance of others in response to whatever their struggles may be.

And, you know, when getting started again, you don't don't need to do full workouts. 10-30 mins a day would be enough to dip your toes back in and let your body adjust. And your exercise bike sounds like a perfect way to do that! You can dictate your own intensity and speed, and stop when needed without having to pause a workout.

Good luck with everything, and keep us updated on your journey!
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Old 07-27-17, 02:09 PM  
Judy W.
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
If you can get up again after life knocks you down, you are headed in the right direction. You're up, and look out world, because here you come! Wishing you the very best.
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Old 07-27-17, 02:11 PM  
Rhonda
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: MI
So good to see you back Diane. As you know VF is a great place. As someone mentioned already one step at a time. Even baby steps your moving forward.

So sorry to hear of everything you have gone through. Keep on smiling, it does wonders.
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Old 07-27-17, 02:18 PM  
Aunt Famous
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: the Sunny South
Hey, Diane.

Attagirl. I'll say it louder: ATTAGIRL!

I am so sorry to read about all that has happened lately. I am so impressed that you are working to move forward. (Or, as I tell my kids, when you're in hole, resist the temptation to grab a shovel and make it deeper.)

If you ever decide that eight DVDs are not enough, PM me and let me know the type of workouts you like and your address. I am happy to send some your way. Like its owner (ahem), my collection could stand to lose a little weight.

Now: Go get 'em, tiger. Roar!

AF

Check out my blog at www.typeALC.com
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Old 07-27-17, 03:08 PM  
Marilyn
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Northbrook, Illinois
Welcome back, Diane! We are all rooting for you! Please PM me as well if you are looking for anything special. I always love to pay it forward as so many times I have been the recipient of VF generosity.
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Old 07-27-17, 04:11 PM  
hdw
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Join Date: Dec 2001
Love to have you back!
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