Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: The Big Apple
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Starting over after trauma, depression, and a lo-o-oooong absence from working out
Hello all,
I first joined VF in early '99, or possibly sometime in '98, back when the forum ran on different software. I remember many very funny and entertaining chats we all had in the chat room. There was one particular chat session that I remember - it had me laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face. My join date that shows here is after the switch was made to VBulletin (hey, my user ID # is only 14!).
I served as a Moderator for a time (we were dealing with Paulagate back then), but eventually life got in the way of my workouts and participation here. I had numerous ups and downs in trying to stay motivated to exercise and eat well, and my weight fluctuated a lot. I was struggling to balance many things in my life, which was hard because of my ADD tendencies and bouts of depression.
I have vivid and fond memories of being a member here, and once I even hosted a small gathering of NYC VFers in my tiny apartment. So, it's hard to fathom that my last post on the forum before this one was way back in '03 -- my goodness, 14 years ago! And, believe it or not, I still have about 75 of my old VHS videos and a VCR - I just couldn't get rid of them!
I did communicate privately with WWWendy once in early 2010, when I came back with the hope that I'd rekindle my fitness goals. Unfortunately, shortly after that, my world was turned upside down by a traumatic experience and the very real threat of homelessness. I was sent on a tailspin into deep depression, and life was very dark indeed for quite some time.
Slowly, things righted themselves and for a while, I was seeing light at the end of the tunnel and starting to feel okay. Last year, however, I experienced a car accident, the death of my best friend, and loss of my job all within the span of a month, and it's been hard to stay on a positive track. I do have good days but many not so good. Emotionally, I often feel like I'm on a roller-coaster. It was odd to come back here and see that my old signature was the statement "Life is good" because it has been a long time since I felt that way. So, I added the smiling little sun and kept it, as a reminder whenever I am here.
I am a stress eater, and with the stresses of the last 10 years or so, and the depression, my weight climbed back up to almost the highest it's ever been, which is rather disconcerting. I'm pretty fat and most of my clothes don't fit me anymore. There were many times I knew I had to do something and made a superficial gesture toward doing it, but then didn't follow through. For example, I have a really nice exercise bike that I bought about 5 years ago and never used. I haven't worked out at all for years. I am very unfit and worried about my health, as I am now 57 and feeling like my obesity is really aging me before my time. I especially feel it in my knees and ankles. And when I am depressed, I become very lethargic and struggle to even just get out of bed.
I CANNOT KEEP GOING THIS WAY! I know that exercise can and will help me get out of the depression that so often engulfs me. I thought about breaking out my old VCR because, until last week, I only had two exercise DVDs. But the VCR's not easily accessible. I have to be very frugal right now, because I'm only working part-time, so I picked up a few DVDs at the thrift store ($3 each - hurrah!), watched them, and liked them all.
I now have a whopping total of 8 DVDs - 3 cardio, 1 strength, 2 that mix both, 1 Pilates, and 1 yoga. I don't need a lot of variety and I was never one to care about trends and getting the latest releases, so this handful of DVDs is fine with me - most of them have options for different intensities and levels of fitness, so I can make adjustments. So now I am figuring out a rotation that will get me going without being too much to handle, and from which I can keep progressing. I also want to walk outside more because when I am feeling blue it is too easy to stay under the covers all day long on my days off.
I am not going to set myself up for failure by making big pronouncements about what I will do (doing that always bites me in the butt), but I thought that perhaps coming back here and just saying that I want to find my way back to being fit and feeling good after a long dark period would be a way to spur me forward. "Attagirls" are most welcome. Thanks for reading.
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NYCDiane
Life is good.
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