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Old 02-11-11, 12:10 PM  
Eibhinn
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Atlantic Canada
The time when graduate school ends is pretty stressful. I'm not sure what to tell you except to take care of yourself, and do what you can to find people with similar interests to you which aren't just partying. Especially if you find yourself unemployed for a little while, take the opportunity to explore your surroundings, and check out free events and happenings around, just to keep yourself stimulated. You might find yourself making friends with people who end up liking the same things as you.

As for very negative or dismissive professors, please remember that it takes a very specific set of skills to make it in academia, and sometimes people end up there because they do not possess the skills needed to thrive in the work situations you will find yourself in. This is not to diminish the talents of academics - I hope to end up one myself once I finish my Phd! - just to say that some people are lucky that the academy exists because they would be hard pressed to find a place for themselves anywhere else. I've grown up around universities (my father worked at one, as well). I've met many professors with Asperger's syndrome, serious mental health issues, or who are extremely difficult to deal with socially, who thrive in an academic environment because "weirdness" is fine as long as you can pump out publications. Even myself, many of my own characteristics which help me succeed academically were occasionally problematic when I was in the workplace. Also, academics are trained to analytically look for problems to be studied, and often take that directive too seriously and become hyper-critical and judgemental. So please don't take the opinions of academics are any real indicator of what "the real world" is like.
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Old 02-11-11, 12:21 PM  
Mary09(b)
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
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Well, I too had a sucky grad school but even colleges will usually admit their main function is to put you through the ringer and that lets employers know that you're adaptable and persistent and those are desirable traits. And student jobs are notoriously lousy. Don't get down. There is every possibility you will land a great job with great people and great pay. I do it each degree I finish, despite even my career counselors and profs in undergrad telling me 'finance degrees just get you sales jobs'. Believe it's possible to do better and opportunities come along.

If exercise is a highlight and you don't have a lot of friends sharing your current interests, maybe join a gym or yoga studio? Anything to get you in a set of people who share your interests and outlook.

I agree with RedPanda that things are probably about to change. Hang in there! It's always darkest before the dawn.

(On academics, I do think that some graduate teachers do have a duty to sort of burst the bubble of idealistic students. I've heard that there is often a glut of MBA grads who never worked in their fields, who expected top $$$ out of grad school because of getting an MBA. Employers didn't want them. They wanted experience first and if you're then tapped for upper mgmt but lack the education, go back for an MBA later.)
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Old 02-11-11, 12:36 PM  
Severen
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by topfitmama View Post
Lizzo,
I feel very much the same. In fact, I think I have often used exercise as my escape from unhappiness, boredom and loneliness.
Me too.

I live hundreds of miles away from my family and get to see them maybe twice a year if I'm lucky. No social life to speak of. Six weeks ago I developed a sleep disorder and it's not going away. Someone on another message board I belong to referred to me as "that miserable art chick". Yeah. Seems like my workouts are the only thing I can look forward to anymore. Gggaahhh!!

Ah well....just gotta take the bad with the good. There are worse ways to deal with it, I suppose.
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Old 02-11-11, 12:40 PM  
sherry7899
 
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Severn, that was rude! I doubt they would say that to your face.

Hugs,
Sherry
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Old 02-11-11, 12:48 PM  
videofit
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
"Believing is seeing." If you believe every situation is negative, that is all you will see (and attract). Even calling exercise "an emotional crutch" is putting a negative spin on it!

For more information about changing your self-defeating, negative beliefs:

http://www.lefkoeinstitute.com/

This technique changed my life and I am a much happier person, which I never thought was possible. There have even been scientific studies (one involved criminals) showing it works where other systems have failed.
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Old 02-11-11, 01:42 PM  
Judy W.
 
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Well, academics aside, I certainly have used and do use exercise as an emotional crutch. I don't think this is a bad thing, actually!

Years ago, I was morbidly obese. Food then was my crutch! I lost the weight and discovered the joy of exercise. There IS a part of me that fears that if I were to give up exercise, the weight would come back. So -- I won't give it up. And I enjoy it! I don't overtrain, I mix up my intensities, and I'm careful of my aging joints. Yes, it's a crutch, but it's a positive one.

Furthermore, in the past couple of years my life has changed radically due to DH's job loss and subsequently taking a job in a distant city, issues with our adult children, aging parents, and other upheavals. Most of these items are beyond my control. What I still CAN control, I cling to! My fitness routine is one thing I CAN control.

So -- it does satisfy some inner emotional needs that could perhaps be filled in other healthy (and unhealthy) ways. But it also contributes to my overall physical health. I look forward to it, and I enjoy it.

My name is Judy and I'm an exerciser! But I'm not looking to join any support groups for it (Exercisers Anonymous?). It works for me! If it works for the OP or for anybody else, I say more power to them!
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Old 02-11-11, 02:02 PM  
Kathryn
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I don't think this is off topic at all.

I also think exercise can help us deal with and reduce stresses, but if you feel it is becoming a crutch, perhaps it is for you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JP44 View Post
I don't think your focus on exercise is problematic, but I do think you need to step outside the box and discover there are other wonderful people in Chicago besides those who drink, go clubbing and abuse their employees.
ITA!
For example, go to www.meetup.com and look for groups that have similar interests to you (you could fiind exercise-related ones, like running, or hobby-related ones, or lifestyle-related ones. Poke around a bit and see if there is a group or two that could give you the opportunity to meet people with like interests. For example, I'm in a vegan meetup group, a holistic health group, and used to be in a raw-food group. I'd like to find a jewelry-making or speed-walking group in my area, but so far, no luck). I'm sure there are quite a few groups to choose from in the Chicago area.
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Old 02-11-11, 02:38 PM  
catwoman
 
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Location: the Silver State
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathryn View Post
I don't think this is off topic at all...For example, go to www.meetup.com and look for groups that have similar interests to you (you could fiind exercise-related ones, like running, or hobby-related ones, or lifestyle-related ones. Poke around a bit and see if there is a group or two that could give you the opportunity to meet people with like interests...
Just chiming in to add that I agree with Kathryn. I don't find this OT AND having just gone to a MEETUP group last night at Whole Foods on Cooking for 2, Romantic dinner - I want to say I love her suggestion. I'm relatively new to Meetup, though like the ease of just getting out and doing something I'm interested in, as well as meeting new people. The cooking class last night was A LOT of fun. When I came home I did yoga with Barbara B and felt even better (emotionally & physically)!
Sending you good energy -Kelly
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Old 02-11-11, 03:39 PM  
Lizzo
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Part 1

I wrote so much, I decided to break it up into two sections :



Hello everyone! First and foremost, I want to say thank you for all the lovely responses. I can’t respond to all of you, so I’ll address some things that were repeatedly brought up.

I reminded time and time again why I love this site and this forum. I am a member of other forums, but they never seem to have the sense of community and compassion that this one does. Have you ever seen the forums on Internet Movie Database?

I think I should clarify some things in my original post. I’ll leave my school nameless, but I am seeking a Masters in Public Administration. Specifically, I have a concentration in nonprofit administration management, and a certificate in healthcare management. I also do have a vision for myself as to what I want to do once I graduate and where I see myself in the coming years.

Regarding my professors, I should clarify a few things about that as well. I do want to say that I have some great professors in my program. There are two off the top of my head that I can think of that have done a great job tying in their working experiences into their teaching. The good, the bad, the ugly—they are able to bring it full circle. They are also very accessible outside of classroom hours and are always willing to help. For that, I feel enriched and grateful to have had them as professors.

My problem with my other professors is that they can’t seem to see the forest from the trees (you’ll find that I love that expression). If I’m taking a course in management and leadership, I’d like to know about different management theories and what many people consider good and bad traits of an effective leader. I don’t need to hear about the time the toilets weren’t working at the IRS’s St. Louis field office for a whole week. I have one professor in particular who when she gripes, seems so stuck on tiny details. I often have to decipher what she is really trying to say and how it relates to our current lesson. Going by the reactions of my classmates, I’ve realized many of them are just as confused as I am. She is not the only professor who does this. Don’t get me started on the countless times she has bragged about her son working at Google!

I do have some experience in the working world. I was laid off after 8-9 months from my first job out of college because as the expression goes “last one in the door, first one out.” The company I had been working for had a reputation for frivolous hiring, which I had to find out the hard way. Massive layoffs were done in February and March. The company was so determined to do aggressive expansion; they couldn’t see the forest from the trees. The problem with all this aggressive expansion is the product it was selling wasn’t in demand in this economic downturn: online job postings. It was a tough time for me since I had to work various odd jobs and I had some struggles living with my parents.

Looking back on this experience, it was both humbling and bittersweet, and something I learned from as well. I’ve considered teaching in academia later on, down the road. If I needed to use this story as a way to illustrate a particular lesson to my students, I wouldn’t use it as a scare tactic or use my students as outlets to whine about my experiences.
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Old 02-11-11, 03:39 PM  
Lizzo
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Part 2

My boss is another interesting one. I don't want to talk too much about this one. I'll say that it doesn't help that I’m crazy organized and she is not…we have often butted heads over things she couldn’t remember that were said or done. I record everything, and I mean everything!

In terms of my social life, I guess it can be tough because I have always felt older than my actual age. I’m not entirely disenfranchised by my generation (Gen Y), but I can’t always relate to their mentality. I have always been this way since I was little. I remember hearing a story of when I was 4 or 5 years old. My dad and older brother were taking care of the kids of some work clients of mother’s, while she took them to dinner. They were rowdy kids, running around our house screaming and pushing each other around. My dad claims I stood there with my arms crossed, shaking my head in disbelief, lol. That being said, I should definitely utilize meet-up groups more often.

Even though my close friends are far away, I have to say I’m very blessed with my core group of friends. My family is great too. Despite little things like not always being able to always tell them about my problems, I know they love me and have always supported me, short-comings and all, lol.

On the topic of exercise, I didn’t mean to demonize exercise as a crutch in the sense that drugs, alcohol food are crutches for some people…I guess I just wondered if there were ever days you felt exercise was the only thing you looked forward to. I wouldn’t say I’m near the brink of over exercising, but I can tell there are days I often go longer than usual because I can’t bring myself to do other things. I agree that exercise is a great outlet and one of my plans this year is to train for a 5K.

Thank you again for all your kind words! I do recognize that is only a phase that will pass. I try to have a good outlook in general, even when I do the occasional whine session. It is nice to have such support.

Now let's get back to debating Tracy Anderson!
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