Exercise as an emotional crutch?

[Lizzo]

So I noticed the occasional thread on VF about someone in an exercise rut due to various reasons, i.e. too busy, work life, family life, stress, personal problems, etc. I've been through similar situations, but lately it has been the opposite for me. I feel like exercise is the only thing I care about and it seems that as long as I get in my daily workout, nothing else really matters

You see, I'm in my last semester of grad school, but the feeling is bittersweet. While I appreciate what I have learned, I wish I had gotten more out of this program. It seems if anything else, I have learned that the workplace is a nasty, brutal world where you either kill or be kill (figuratively, I mean). Most of my professors seem more interested in talking about their horrific experiences in their field or bragging about the well-known politicians or Fortune 500 CEOs they know, rather than teaching. But I guess that is a lesson too, right?

Speaking of the workplace, I'm definitely feeling the stress of having to find a "real" job soon since I won't be able to keep my research/teaching assistant job. Regardless, there is no love lost there since I feel overworked and under-appreciated in my current position. To be honest, I feel used by my boss, but I won't go further into that. I guess my professors were right after all.

My personal life is nothing to write home about either. All my really close friends live so far away, and it seems most people here are more interested in drinking and clubbing. What happened to a good conversation over a good cup of coffee? Or even a visit to a museum on the free days? I often feel like I have no one to talk too or even some who shares the same interests as I do. My family, bless them, aren't the type of people that are comfortable talking about feelings and problems. Unless it is good news, they just don't want to hear it.

Don't even get me started about the trash that lives in or runs my apartment complex.

I don't want this to turn into a rant, but I guess what I'm getting at is that these days, it seems exercise is the only thing that makes me happy. Quite frankly, there are some days I feel it is the only thing worth getting out of bed for. For me, it feels like a temporary fix for my problems. I always feel great after a workout, but at the end of the day, my problems aren't going away.

I'm wondering if any of you have gone through something similar, and if it even turned into an exercise addiction?

[RedPanda]

I remember that time between university and a "real" job as very stressful too. Losing yourself in exercise seems a lot more healthy than my way of coping at the time, which was bulimia.

Liz, I honestly don't think there's anything wrong with using exercise to deal with the stresses of life - as long as it doesn't become over-training, or beating yourself up because you didn't run x miles or whatever. As long as you keep your longer-term goals (getting a rewarding job, finding a new circle of friends, etc) in mind, it sounds like a way of managing the situation you find yourself in right now.

I'll bet that in six months' time, you'll be settled into a new job, and enjoying socialising and working with people who share your interests.

[topfitmama]

Originally Posted by Lizzo

Speaking of the workplace, I'm definitely feeling the stress of having to find a "real" job soon since I won't be able to keep my research/teaching assistant job. Regardless, there is no love lost there since I feel overworked and under-appreciated in my current position. To be honest, I feel used by my boss, but I won't go further into that. I guess my professors were right after all.

My personal life is nothing to write home about either. All my really close friends live so far away,

(...) My family, bless them, aren't the type of people that are comfortable talking about feelings and problems. Unless it is good news, they just don't want to hear it.

(...)it seems exercise is the only thing that makes me happy. Quite frankly, there are some days I feel it is the only thing worth getting out of bed for. For me, it feels like a temporary fix for my problems. I always feel great after a workout, but at the end of the day, my problems aren't going away.

I'm wondering if any of you have gone through something similar, and if it even turned into an exercise addiction?

Lizzo,
I feel very much the same. In fact, I think I have often used exercise as my escape from unhappiness, boredom and loneliness.
I'm a full time mother of 3 children, living in a country I wasn't born in and I'm struggling to adapt. It doesn't help that my husband has been struggling a lot too.

Like you, I feel great after a workout, and I love to plan workouts, "research" what workouts I might like, buy workouts... let's say, working out and thinking about working out could take over my life very easily. And my problems are not going away either...

My friends and family live all over the place, just not near me, and they also like to hear good news or they turn the coversation in a more "positive" direction. You have to see the bright side after all! Even if it's the bright side of your FIL yelling at you over the phone...

Originally Posted by RedPanda

I remember that time between university and a "real" job as very stressful too. Losing yourself in exercise seems a lot more healthy than my way of coping at the time, which was bulimia.

Liz, I honestly don't think there's anything wrong with using exercise to deal with the stresses of life - as long as it doesn't become over-training, or beating yourself up because you didn't run x miles or whatever. As long as you keep your longer-term goals (getting a rewarding job, finding a new circle of friends, etc) in mind, it sounds like a way of managing the situation you find yourself in right now.

I'll bet that in six months' time, you'll be settled into a new job, and enjoying socialising and working with people who share your interests.

I totally agree with Red Panda. Well said. Exercise is definitely much better than other things you could be using as a crutch. It's probably a good thing that you are aware of what you are doing.

[ldy_solana]

my therapist insists i take such time for myself or my anxiety will get out of control and my depression will just take over,leading me to give up a lot of things and just hide in a corner. and if i need more during the day a small 10-20 min walk, yoga or something will help. i don't think there is anything wrong with using exercise to help with stress. like you i deal with butt head neighbors, rude classmates(all younger then me), raising a child with autism, and a husband working two job so i can finish school. i am sure somebody out there has it more stressful then myself too. its a great tool to keep us in check and keep us healthy and if it is the only thing getting you through a rough spot, then it is a healthy thing to throw yourself into as opposed to all the other vices ppl have turned to in order to cope.

i just have way to much i know i have to do to make it an addiction. i had it happen one time when my daughter was first diagnosed i worked out almost 3 hours over a day. mostly when she was at school and i was out of work but when she started to get more help when we moved that eased up greatly. i set time for myself for a formal workout and once i get that done i am ready to take on a lot in my day.

[desderata]

The transition between education and the real world is tough, especially when university was extended by graduate or professional degrees. You didn't say what field you are in, but your professors seem awfully negative about their professional experiences. Maybe they aren't suited to being out in the "real world" for lack of a better term and that's why they returned to academia. Others might have a very different experience and much prefer working in the field to being an academic. The work force is tough, especially right now, but there's a lot to be said for bringing in a paycheck instead of increasing student loans, and I still remember the relief of not having final exams hanging over my head after all those years.

You said your very close friends live far away, but is it possible for you to go visit one of them for a few days? You sound lonely, and you're in a tough transition time. You need someone to talk this through with. Is it possible for you to focus your job search in an area where you have friends, so that you will have something to look forward to?

Like RedPanda wisely said, in six months or so you will through with this transition and beginning a new and exciting phase of your life. Until then you are doing great to lean on fitness to get you through a tough spot.

[sherry7899]

I don't have any good advice, but I wanted to send some hugs your way.

I'm sure there must be a lot of VF'ers in the Chicago area-maybe you could arrange a vf get together so you could meet people with common interests?

Sherry

[suebella]

I'm sorry it's such a tough time. Winter doesn't help, I'm sure.

I agree with the other posters, who gave fantastic insight. As a short term crutch it's fine. It's so much better than focusing on alcohol, food, wild socializing, shopping, or any other common things people turn to in times of stress and confusion.

I see a bright future for you! Hang in there and in the meantime, you have VF for that good conversation you crave.

[Mopsy]

[QUOTE=Lizzo;1739274


My personal life is nothing to write home about either. All my really close friends live so far away, and it seems most people here are more interested in drinking and clubbing. What happened to a good conversation over a good cup of coffee? Or even a visit to a museum on the free days? I often feel like I have no one to talk too or even some who shares the same interests as I do. My family, bless them, aren't the type of people that are comfortable talking about feelings and problems. Unless it is good news, they just don't want to hear it.
[/QUOTE]

I wish I could give you a hug. It was several years ago, but I remember that last semester well. Where will you go when school is over? I went back to my parents' house with no direction and stayed there for a year before I got my "real" job, which had nothing to do with my degree, but I've enjoyed for over 20 years (well, except the last few haven't been great ) And I'm with you on the social life. Really tough.

How do you feel when you're done with your workout? Charged up and ready to face the day, or wanting to climb back under the covers? (Okay, I just re-read your second-your-last paragraph) We all know the benefits of daily exercise, so enjoy it as your escape. I would be concerned if you exercised all day to escape the rest of your day. I don't have answers, just commiseration.

Is there a counselor at school you can talk to?

[Terry]

How about this: Did you choose a field of study with a particular career in mind, and are now no longer interested in that career path? That could be depressing, especially in the current weather conditions. If you were on a narrow path, consider looking wider into possibilties of where you can apply yourself to your life and society by what you choose as your life's work.

My field of study for undergrad and grad was Biology because I love it (am now a Biologist by hobby only). My career is in Environmental Compliance and Quality Control because I'm good at it and somebody was willing to pay me. Biology did not lead me into my career; the Biology/Chemistry/Physics/Math courses were only the necessary background.

Your future career positions will be what you make of them, just like school was. It's not going to be nasty and brutal. Once you find your niche, you can love making the best of it and your co-workers can become your work family.

Another thing you are facing is job hunting. That can be depressing to anybody and especially when the economy is on the down side.

For social activities: Do you run . . . yet?

For your focus on exercise (DVDs?): Does it make you happy but you just think you should be worried that you are too much into it? Does it lead you to fail at some other part of your life? If "Happy Yes" and "Fail No", consider not worrying about it.

[JP44]

Hi Lizzo,

I dearly love Chicago so I'm sorry to hear that you aren't enjoying yourself right now in one of my favorites cities on the planet. I don't think your focus on exercise is problematic, but I do think you need to step outside the box and discover there are other wonderful people in Chicago besides those who drink, go clubbing and abuse their employees.

You might consider checking out out this site

http://www.volunteermatch.org/

It has hundreds of places where you can volunteer for any amount of time, however short. It matches your interests with places that need help.

Also, since you mention museums (gotta say, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the Art Institute of Chicago), that's another place to inquire about for volunteer opportunities.

Follow your interests and you'll find the kind of people you like to hang out with. They're out there, really!

HTH!

Joan