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10-30-18, 10:52 AM | |||
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What Do Women With Positive Body Images Have That Others Don't?
This article was shared by Leonana (via Jessica Smith) in the thread Struggling with fit vs attractive/young, and it really deserves its own thread.
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Because I can write a whole post about my thoughts on each point (beyond merely restating each part of the article in my own words), I intend to. See you soon! One note before I begin: I find it illuminating to compare these tips to suggestions about body image, children, and the wider world. For example, "they surround themselves..." reflects the usual advice to avoid talking about weight, size, and appearance (maybe especially negatively) around children. In a similar way, a friend who talks about her weight all the time may be "kindly" asked to refrain--the word "kindly" comes from the article, and I emphasize it. (Such talk doesn't do her much good, either.)
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"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." The Velveteen Rabbit |
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11-05-18, 10:24 PM | ||
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Henry, interesting thoughts about your own experience; thanks for sharing them.
I was actually a little put off by the first line of the article: Quote:
It was the "thrilled" that I didn't like. I think I'm generally pretty body positive (I might say slightly negative things about myself in my head sometimes but would never do so in front of others), but "thrilled"? I usually feel fine when I look in the mirror; to me, the idea of being "thrilled" is to put too much weight on appearance the opposite way. The other things seemed like kind of common sense to me, and not necessarily helpful. I don't disagree with what others have already said, but here's my take: 1) Yes, life is about more than how you look. But when others place so much emphasis on looks, it can be very hard to avoid; at least I don't think it's quite this simplistic. 2) Yes, I agree that being involved in a greater good/doing something for others is important; this has shown to be an important predictor of happiness. 3) Yes, spending all your time reading glamour mags (or hanging out on appearance-focused exercise boards as Henry mentioned) is probably not a good idea. But American society is SO appearance-focused that I also find saying "avoid certain types of media" to be too simplistic. 4) As a psychologist, I'm very big on self-care! And as a VFer, I'm pretty big on exercise, too. BUT, exercise is definitely NOT a form of self-care for everyone and can be a large part of the problem in eating disorders. I would have preferred had the article focused on keeping active in general and emphasized other forms of non-fitness self-care (like meditation). 5) No real argument here; surrounding yourself with like-minded people is important! And at the same time, this can be challenge if you are under 18 and the negative person is your parent. Just my thoughts...I think being a therapist has left me a little more jaded.
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11-06-18, 07:44 AM | |
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They probably didn’t have a grandmother who promised to buy them a record player if they lost 10 pounds when they were in second grade - and then didn’t. Or a mother who went to a “diet doctor” and took diet pills throughout their childhood. Hard to break that mindset.
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11-06-18, 08:22 AM | ||
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11-07-18, 01:01 PM | ||||
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Even so, I also share your concerns. Maybe the author intended to present this impression in the introduction only to question it later, but if she did, I would've liked the questioning to be more obvious. I can also imagine some readers thinking that the intent of this article is to show us how to be "thrilled" with our appearance, and they'd read the rest of the article accordingly. (Maybe readers could think that we'd be thrilled more often after changing our looks, if the readers didn't notice the subtitle, or after somehow changing our minds to be "thrilled" more often, if the readers saw "positive body image" that way.) My reaction to my reflection is like yours. Your wording also inspired me to write a bit about the term "body positivity," and I'll probably do so in more detail later as well.
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"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." The Velveteen Rabbit Last edited by hch; 11-07-18 at 01:05 PM. Reason: reorganized middle text |
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11-07-18, 01:03 PM | |
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Henry, I am also interested in your thoughts on the term "body positivity"--I have mixed feelings on that one myself.
Being both a psychologist and a yoga teacher has made me VERY conscious of language. It's validating to hear that I wasn't the only one who reacted to the first line of the article.
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Beth aka Toaster (she/her) Follow me @YogiBethC YouTube|Instagram|Facebook And yes, I am Reviewer Dr. Beth on Amazon. |
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