Struggling with fit vs attractive/young

[Jennifer R]

Originally Posted by bzar

i notice that women who have inner beauty are naturally appealing to people of any age or gender. they have a radiance not measured by lumens, they have wisdom not measured necessarily by degrees.

where does inner beauty come from? all the answers thus posted.

I love this. Thank you.

[Sollamyn]

I will turn 60 in February. I was later than average to menopause (56). During my 'perimeno into meno' phase, I became stressed and depressed due to my work situation (I'm now retired) and I gained 65 pounds in about 4 years. So--talk about feeling like I'd lost my, um, attractiveness? Well, there you have it. And I used to think I needed to lose weight (BEFORE I gained the 65 pounds!)!

Now I realize that was all in my head. I wasn't overweight! I was fine, I was normal, I was me. And you know what, now that I'm a different me, I'm learning to accept it and not hate myself for it. My self hate may be one of the reasons for much of the weight gain to begin with, and I do NOT want to go down that road again. Do I want to lose weight now? Sure! But because I'm accepting of myself as I am now, regardless of what I look like, I'm taking more of an attitude of self-care and health, rather than trying to fit into a certain size of clothing or to look good in a two-piece.

I developed sleep apnea, probably due to the weight gain. I'm also borderline high cholesterol and borderline high BP. So to help myself to better health I use my CPAP every night. I joined WW (aka Weight Watchers). I'm now getting physical therapy because my hips hurt when I walk, which makes many types of exercise (as well as just everyday life!) difficult to manage. I'm taking as many proactive steps toward wellness that I can take. I want to be well!

During this time of being obese (according to the BMI chart), I've found out what is truly important in life: being able to LIVE it. I want to have fun and interesting experiences. I want to travel as much as my modest finances allow. I've found that I no longer care very much about how I LOOK. It's what I can DO that matters most. Life is for learning and living. Not for looking in a mirror or for worrying about what others think of me. I'll be 60 soon. Tick tock.

Donna

[FirmDancer]

I'm 62, wrestling with many of the same thoughts expressed here. This is an interesting thread; giving me inspiration for reflection and re-evaluation.

[TracyQ]

We need a group HUG. This thread makes me so sad.

[kittybug]

Such a fantastic thread, thanks to all of you! I'm closer to 50 than 40 but these things cross my mind a lot, because for years, I've felt like our society only values what we look like instead of who we are. That kind of thinking can't help but permeate our psyches, and it's hard to adjust our own mindsets...so many of you have eloquently laid out how you did just that and I thank you for sharing!

[Sara1000]

Originally Posted by TracyQ

We need a group HUG. This thread makes me so sad.

Looks like many of us are experiencing the same issues/challenges. It's great we are opening it up here and talking about it. At this time in history there really isn't a road map of how to cope with aging and the changes that go with it, when being strong and attractive etc. has been a big priority for decades of our lives.

I'm so glad we have others to discuss this with.

[clerkin11]

Too many women (and society in general) teach us that our looks are our currency in the world. You don't have to buy into that!!!
When I think about who I want to spend time with, the last thing I think about is their looks. I think about their warmth and sense of humor. Some of the theoretically most beautiful women I know are so obsessed with every ounce they gain or lose and every morsel they eat that they are no fun to hang around.
Most men also don't care how perfect you are. Are you warm & willing? Well, that's plenty good.
But I do also agree that feeling more achy and less physically capable sucks!!! I long for the days of physical ease and boundless energy. Even though I don't weigh what I used to and I have more wrinkles, I still value myself for all that I am.
As they say in that old movie "youth is wasted on the young" lol.

P.s. I fully admit that I am a super girly girl who does her hair & makeup every day and loves to look pretty. I just decided a while ago to love myself no matter what. No matter what.

[primrosecat]

There's a lot of insight to be gained here.I've read everyone's post. And I thought I was the only one dealing with this. When I gained all my weight (I'm now almost 70) after being a size 5 for years, I realized there were things I could no longer control. Because of stress, watching loved ones die of cancer, diabetes, strokes....I started eating and couldn't stop. I watch my DH struggle with his health after surviving 5 heart attacks. I had to realize not to blame myself for being fat and out of shape. I gave myself permission not to wear makeup, to be what I am. I don't exercise, but maybe I will again someday. I hope so, but I am not going to beat myself up over it. We are all finding ways to deal with what we deal with, and we need to love ourselves while we do it.

[Dabbadooey]

When I was young, there were women my present age who envied me. One day those who are currently young will be old and experiencing the same thing. Such is life.

[Sara1000]

Originally Posted by primrosecat

There's a lot of insight to be gained here.I've read everyone's post. And I thought I was the only one dealing with this. When I gained all my weight (I'm now almost 70) after being a size 5 for years, I realized there were things I could no longer control. Because of stress, watching loved ones die of cancer, diabetes, strokes....I started eating and couldn't stop. I watch my DH struggle with his health after surviving 5 heart attacks. I had to realize not to blame myself for being fat and out of shape. I gave myself permission not to wear makeup, to be what I am. I don't exercise, but maybe I will again someday. I hope so, but I am not going to beat myself up over it. We are all finding ways to deal with what we deal with, and we need to love ourselves while we do it.

I'm so sorry you have had such a hard time - life has hit you really hard. I do hope you find your way back into a little exercise - a short walk outside is a great way to start back - even if you have to drive somewhere to do it - not to lose weight or anything like that, but just to remind yourself of where you still have power. Also something about being outside can be very uplifting. Take care of yourself, don't give up.