Struggling with fit vs attractive/young

[kittybug]

Originally Posted by Aunt Famous

It has taken me 50 years to grow into myself.

When I was 30, I hated how I looked. I thought I was fat and ugly. I now look at photographs of me at 30, and I am ashamed of what I thought. I was beautiful.

At some point, near 40, I decided never to look in the mirror and tell myself that I was fat and ugly. I had done that every day for nearly all of my conscious life, and I decided that it was time to quit.

I did.

I love being 50. My husband encouraged me to grow out my grey hair. It was a rough time, watching the red leave and the salt and pepper come in. I had to learn to transcend hair and focus on what made me happy. My hair is almost grown out now, and when I look in the mirror, I now see a 50 year-old woman, a woman with experience and wisdom and lines and (finally!) peace.

I take care of myself, figuring that I am my most valuable possession.

I do things that feel like they have been prescribed for me by a physician: heavy weights, yoga. When I let my grousing get in the way and skip these things, I feel worse.

I have tapped into my creative side. I knit. I paint. I write. I have a goal to sew all of my own clothes.

I have cleaned out my life, taking bag upon bag upon bag to Goodwill. I listened a podcast (Ask a Clean Person) that had professional organizers on it. They said that people often hold onto things that remind them of a former time in their life that they can't quite let go of -- for instance, a woman who quit being a lawyer to care for her children who is unwilling to get rid of her work suits. I have asked myself this, many times over: what I am holding onto that I need to let go?

I walk every day.

I go to bed tired.

I reach out to friends.

I travel.

I love deeply.

Yes, I look in the mirror critically at times, but I stop myself. It is a good body, I tell myself, a body that has carried children, that has run, that has walked, that has served me so very well for 50 years, and that -- if I'm lucky -- will serve me for many more.

That's how I cope.

AF

Check out my blog at www.typeALC.com

So eloquent, so beautiful, so....THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!

[JeepGirl]

I wish we had like buttons on here. So many graceful, beautiful sentiments expressed. I hope those that are struggling can find some peace and comfort. I’ll be 51 in a couple weeks; my dad died two weeks after he turned 51 of a massive heart attack and this year has been introspective for me. About a month ago my favorite uncle died somewhat unexpectedly and my family is really struggling with his loss. This will be a sad holiday season for us. Today my dog (9.5 year old German Shepherd) nudged me and I looked at her, and I was floored by how old she looks. I guess when I look at her I see my puppy. In the midst of these things that are making me sad, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for everything I have in my life. I feel like getting older has freed me from caring about how other people perceive my physical attractiveness. I am me and I just don’t care anymore. Not to say that I don’t take care of myself, I do. But I don’t care what anybody thinks about how I look. My workouts have changed to yoga, walking, rebounding, Pilates and foam rolling. I don’t kill myself anymore. It’s more about feeling good then trying to look a certain way. The yoga seems to have brought me some peace and lessened anxiety that I feel from a very stressful job. Sending ❤️ to all of you. ��

[JeepGirl]

I wish we had like buttons on here. So many graceful, beautiful sentiments expressed. I hope those that are struggling can find some peace and comfort. I’ll be 51 in a couple weeks; my dad died two weeks after he turned 51 of a massive heart attack and this year has been introspective for me. About a month ago my favorite uncle died somewhat unexpectedly and my family is really struggling with his loss. This will be a sad holiday season for us. Today my dog (9.5 year old German Shepherd) nudged me and I looked at her, and I was floored by how old she looks. I guess when I look at her I see my puppy. In the midst of these things that are making me sad, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for everything I have in my life. I feel like getting older has freed me from caring about how other people perceive my physical attractiveness. I am me and I just don’t care anymore. Not to say that I don’t take care of myself, I do. But I don’t care what anybody thinks about how I look. My workouts have changed to yoga, walking, rebounding, Pilates and foam rolling. I don’t kill myself anymore. It’s more about feeling good then trying to look a certain way. The yoga seems to have brought me some peace and lessened anxiety that I feel from a very stressful job. Sending ❤️ to all of you. ��

[AnnieO]

This is a timely thread for me because I was just thinking about the fact that I no longer care if people find me attractive anymore. When I was younger (I'm 53 now) I was very cognizant of whether I was looked at by people, (men in particular) when I entered a room. It's not as if I was one of the pretty girls, but women are constantly led to believe that their appearance is of upmost importance and so we tend to seek the attention and compliments of others.
I've never had a weight issue (until now), I've never had wrinkles (until now), I've never had odd facial hairs that seem to grow overnight (until now) and yet I'm a much more confident person. In a way, it's a relief not to care anymore. That's not to say that I don't work out, wear makeup and try to look good in my clothes, but I do it for me now, not other people. Exercise enables me to hike in beautiful places, keep my balance while carrying groceries up the stairs, walk my three dogs without without getting winded, etc. etc. That's why I take care of myself now, as opposed to just ten years ago when it was all about "how do I look?"
One of the keys for me has been practicing yoga a couple of times a week, even if it's only for 30 minutes. There's something about the practice that leads me to self-acceptance. Also, I surround myself with interesting people of all ages through volunteer work and other activities. Finally, I remember my great-great grandmother who lived to be 102. She always wanted to wear what was "in style", refused to go to a home with "old people", and redecorated her kitchen at the age of 95. If I can cultivate just a fraction of her mindset I will definitely grow old gracefully

[Vintage VFer]

Your appearance over the age of 60 only matters to you. You become virtually invisible to the public in general around that time anyway.

Except for me, because I recently colored my hair pink.

[unfetteredpast]

Okay everyone, stop what you're doing and go watch this!

That is a 52-year old woman who looks like she is aging naturally, and dayam, is she beautiful or what?

Listen to the words of that song and take it to heart.

Life is too short to not be happy. Find what makes you happy. That, in the words of Miracle Max, is a noble cause.

[Juliepie]

Originally Posted by unfetteredpast

Okay everyone, stop what you're doing and go watch this!

That is a 52-year old woman who looks like she is aging naturally, and dayam, is she beautiful or what?

Listen to the words of that song and take it to heart.

Life is too short to not be happy. Find what makes you happy. That, in the words of Miracle Max, is a noble cause.

And that woman is Edie Brickell, the singer of the song.

[sherry7899]

Originally Posted by Juliepie

And that woman is Edie Brickell, the singer of the song.

She just got back together with The New Bohemians. Their new album is on Spotify and they are touring. We saw them about 30 years ago at a local college and met them . Edie was very sweet and modest. If we did not have tickets for another concert the same night we would be seeing them in Philly. She is married to Paul Simon.

Sorry , I cannot help my music geek coming out.

[unfetteredpast]

Originally Posted by Juliepie

And that woman is Edie Brickell, the singer of the song.

Yup!! And her New Bohemians! They all look great. It's possible I now have a crush on the lead guitarist And a dog in a roller rink? How can this not inspire you to be happy?

[Gams]

I was someone who got a lot of attention for my looks when I was younger and I feel crummy about aging. I saw an interview with Candice Bergen where she was talking about all the attention she got for her looks when she was younger and she said that now that she’s older, she feels invisible. I think that’s a great way to describe it.

And I think about that Elizabeth Hurley quote about Marilyn Monroe where she said if she were as “fat” as Marilyn she’d kill herself.

People are nasty.