Article Link What Do Women With Positive Body Images Have That Others Don't?

[hch]

This article was shared by Leonana (via Jessica Smith) in the thread Struggling with fit vs attractive/young, and it really deserves its own thread.

Originally Posted by Leonana

Jessica Smith posted this article on her FB page today.

What Do Women With Positive Body Images Have That Others Don't?

https://health.usnews.com/health-new...at-others-dont

It reflects a lot of what we’ve said here.

Thanks for sharing! I can see myself quoting the whole thing, but for the sake of brevity and avoiding copyright problems, here are just the five headings:

1. They believe life is about more than how you look.
2. They're involved in causes that support a greater good.
3. They avoid certain types of media.
4. They practice self-care.
5. They surround themselves with the right people and activities.

I don't know why this order is what it is, but my thematic ordering might instead be 5-3-1-4-2, 1-4-2-5-3, or some other variation. Headings #1, #2, and #4 start with our "own" thoughts and practices, and #3 and #5 specifically concern our surroundings.

Because I can write a whole post about my thoughts on each point (beyond merely restating each part of the article in my own words), I intend to. See you soon!

One note before I begin: I find it illuminating to compare these tips to suggestions about body image, children, and the wider world. For example, "they surround themselves..." reflects the usual advice to avoid talking about weight, size, and appearance (maybe especially negatively) around children. In a similar way, a friend who talks about her weight all the time may be "kindly" asked to refrain--the word "kindly" comes from the article, and I emphasize it. (Such talk doesn't do her much good, either.)

[Leonana]

Thanks for posting about the article! I thought it was really good. I believe I'd put surrounding myself with people and activities first also. I need to copy that list, and put it somewhere I see it frequently.

[Anny]

I can agree with the 'believing life is more than your looks' bit.

I guess I find that I am busy living my life, working, reading, writing, studying, spending time with family and friends, helping others, exercising...well, in the end, all this makes me think less about looks and being attractive per se. Of course, I want to look nice but beyond the every day grooming et al, I just don't think about how I look or how others look.

It becomes very freeing.

Thank you for posting the article!

[hch]

I forgot to mention the subtitle: "Hint: It's not 'better' bodies." I like this note, in part because the underlying themes form a motif running through all the points. For example, "positive body images" come more from what happens within (mentally, for example) than from what happens without (for example, finally attaining a so-called perfect body or being treated as if you did).

The article also begins with a little discussion of that idea of having "'better' bodies." There's a "suggestion" from research that targeted efforts towards "improving" the appearance of a body part may change one's feelings about the part, but it's unlikely to change general underlying dissatisfaction. In other words, those efforts may work mainly at a "surface level" in more ways than one. (I'm also reminded of other ideas--for example, that we can't be happy unless we're rich, and when we should become rich, we'll become happy as well.)

The first of the five points point that I'll discuss more will actually be #3. I want to end with #2, #1 and #4 will precede it, and I decided to start with #3 (a "negative" or subtractive way) before going to #5 (a "positive" or additive way), which has a little of the spirit #3 in it too, anyway. Expect the order 3-5-1-4-2.

[hch]

3. They avoid certain types of media.

This is a popular tip within communities dedicated to encouraging positive body image. People elsewhere have mentioned practicing what the article calls "protective filtering," and I've also seen examples in other VF threads (including one story in the other thread that I hope to discuss later). It seems to work.

Speaking of "thinspiration," it turns out it rarely inspires people to make positive changes in their lives. Instead, it often encourages negative and intrusive thoughts about self-worth and appearance. So avoid it!

My own little story is an interesting variant.

Years and years ago, when my life was different, I used to read a lot more fitness-themed forums, including some instructor forums and others besides. On almost all of them, people talked a lot about their "bad" body parts and "excess" weight (more than on VF, which even then had different goals). That sort of talk already wasn't how I thought or spoke, I never favored this talk, and if I were a member of any of those forums, I wouldn't have adopted this kind of talk to feel like one of the community. I still considered those forums worth reading, though, for other things.

Not long after I multiplied the forum reading, I started noticing the same "bad body parts" on other people in a way that I never had before (with the same cutesy vocabulary that I'd never used before). These thoughts never crossed the line into a judgment like "she has X, and that's terrible," but I was still a bit horrified. I didn't think at the time to stop reading these forums, though.

With other changes in my life, I did gradually stop reading most of them--primarily to save time, though there was also only so much self-criticism that I was willing to read. Those thoughts started disappearing too, and I don't miss them.

I'm also not trying to flatter ourselves, but VF is now the only one of that group of forums that I still read. Even as a contemporary of the other forums, VF had different policies. The general emphasis and tone here were clearly different and more genuinely supportive.

I also wasn't looking for a segue, but the next point is "5. They surround themselves with the right people and activities."

[toaster]

Henry, interesting thoughts about your own experience; thanks for sharing them.

I was actually a little put off by the first line of the article:

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME you looked in the mirror and felt thrilled with the reflection staring back at you?

[emphasis mine]

It was the "thrilled" that I didn't like. I think I'm generally pretty body positive (I might say slightly negative things about myself in my head sometimes but would never do so in front of others), but "thrilled"? I usually feel fine when I look in the mirror; to me, the idea of being "thrilled" is to put too much weight on appearance the opposite way.

The other things seemed like kind of common sense to me, and not necessarily helpful. I don't disagree with what others have already said, but here's my take:

1) Yes, life is about more than how you look. But when others place so much emphasis on looks, it can be very hard to avoid; at least I don't think it's quite this simplistic.
2) Yes, I agree that being involved in a greater good/doing something for others is important; this has shown to be an important predictor of happiness.
3) Yes, spending all your time reading glamour mags (or hanging out on appearance-focused exercise boards as Henry mentioned) is probably not a good idea. But American society is SO appearance-focused that I also find saying "avoid certain types of media" to be too simplistic.
4) As a psychologist, I'm very big on self-care! And as a VFer, I'm pretty big on exercise, too. BUT, exercise is definitely NOT a form of self-care for everyone and can be a large part of the problem in eating disorders. I would have preferred had the article focused on keeping active in general and emphasized other forms of non-fitness self-care (like meditation).
5) No real argument here; surrounding yourself with like-minded people is important! And at the same time, this can be challenge if you are under 18 and the negative person is your parent.

Just my thoughts...I think being a therapist has left me a little more jaded.

[Joni O]

They probably didn’t have a grandmother who promised to buy them a record player if they lost 10 pounds when they were in second grade - and then didn’t. Or a mother who went to a “diet doctor” and took diet pills throughout their childhood. Hard to break that mindset.

[toaster]

Originally Posted by Joni O

They probably didn’t have a grandmother who promised to buy them a record player if they lost 10 pounds when they were in second grade - and then didn’t. Or a mother who went to a “diet doctor” and took diet pills throughout their childhood. Hard to break that mindset.

Joni, unfortunately I've heard many similar stories from some of my clients.

[hch]

Originally Posted by toaster

Henry, interesting thoughts about your own experience; thanks for sharing them.

And thank you for responding! I'll talk later about your reactions to the points, and your thoughts on them should be especially interesting.

I was actually a little put off by the first line of the article:

[emphasis mine]

It was the "thrilled" that I didn't like. I think I'm generally pretty body positive (I might say slightly negative things about myself in my head sometimes but would never do so in front of others), but "thrilled"? I usually feel fine when I look in the mirror; to me, the idea of being "thrilled" is to put too much weight on appearance the opposite way.

I'd noticed this first line but forgot about it, heh, maybe because I started thinking more about the main part of the article. The ideas presented there, if followed thoroughly, deconstruct what appears to be an ideal of being "thrilled" with my reflection.

Even so, I also share your concerns.

Maybe the author intended to present this impression in the introduction only to question it later, but if she did, I would've liked the questioning to be more obvious. I can also imagine some readers thinking that the intent of this article is to show us how to be "thrilled" with our appearance, and they'd read the rest of the article accordingly. (Maybe readers could think that we'd be thrilled more often after changing our looks, if the readers didn't notice the subtitle, or after somehow changing our minds to be "thrilled" more often, if the readers saw "positive body image" that way.)

My reaction to my reflection is like yours. Your wording also inspired me to write a bit about the term "body positivity," and I'll probably do so in more detail later as well.

[toaster]

Henry, I am also interested in your thoughts on the term "body positivity"--I have mixed feelings on that one myself.

Being both a psychologist and a yoga teacher has made me VERY conscious of language. It's validating to hear that I wasn't the only one who reacted to the first line of the article.