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Old 11-27-20, 08:41 PM  
bfit
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
OT: Relative asks for fitness advice and then rejects everything

I have a relative who lives some distance away who is always contacting me via e-mail for fitness advice. She is looking for some "magic bullet" that will allow her to get in shape and lose weight, but she rejects absolutely everything that I suggest. Her reasons are endless. It makes her knee hurt, it makes her back hurt, she can't go outside because of the pandemic, it "isn't her thing", it doesn't seem "cardio enough", and on and on. She even rejects things that are on You Tube because she "prefers DVDs". Is there a polite way to just stop sending her information? I've spent literally hours researching and writing to her and sending links. I'm dealing with the pandemic too and recovering from an injury (a broken bone) so it's upsetting to me right now to listen to this. Is there a polite way to tell her I'm through talking about fitness?
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Old 11-27-20, 08:56 PM  
CharM
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
How patient you are, which is why this person keeps coming back to you over and over. After all that you've already done for this person, and all that you're going through yourself (sorry to hear about the injury), I think it's more than ok to simply wish this person good luck and be done.

"I don't know the answer to your question, try Google. Good luck!"
"Please refer to the other links I've sent you. Good luck!"

I, on the other hand, wouldn't be so nice. I'd say something like, "You've never taken my advice and/or find excuses, I won't be able to help you out anymore."
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Old 11-27-20, 09:23 PM  
JackieB
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Yeah, I have friends like that.

You know the thing about free advice.....nobody ever takes it.

I only have one good friend who takes classes from me.
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Old 11-27-20, 09:34 PM  
annette
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My sister is the exact same!! We've been going back and forth for years - she asks what things she could be doing, I tell her/show her/buy DVDs for her - she never follows through. The last time she brought it up I told her she has never listened to me in the past so......... She just laughed and told me I was right.
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Old 11-27-20, 11:04 PM  
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This is my situation, only with my mom. I bought a gym membership for her that she used twice, sent her dvds, bought the portion control plates and containers, researched what to eat, sent cookbooks, etc. It got to the point where I literally had to say what CharM said:

"I don't know the answer to your question, try Google. Good luck!"

and

"You've never taken my advice and/or find excuses, I won't be able to help you out anymore."

It's sad when I think about all the time and money I've spent, but it is what it is.. They will be ready when they are ready. If we are lucky, they will look back at the help we've given them and use it when that time comes
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Old 11-27-20, 11:50 PM  
yogapam
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Location: West coast of Canada, eh. ;)
I have friends with constant aches & pains and zero initiative to make changes. And if nothing changes....nothing will change. I’ve given up & no longer offer advice. They are adults who make their own choices.
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Old 11-27-20, 11:56 PM  
fanofladyvols
 
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It's perfectly reasonable to say you don't have anything else to share.

And also, sometimes people just want to share their frustration about not getting to do or eat what they want without consequence...that's not the same thing as wanting you to find them answers on how to change. It's hard as the listener sometimes to know the difference.

The most memorable response I received recently was when I shared some ideas on how to substitute other foods. She said "You look good...tell me what you do." When I shared some of the things I do, she said, "Ok, but cookies and doughnuts and chips taste better." Sigh...


And no, I haven't discovered the grocery aisle where doughnut flavored nutrient dense magical food is displayed..yet!
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Old 11-28-20, 12:32 AM  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fanofladyvols View Post

And also, sometimes people just want to share their frustration about not getting to do or eat what they want without consequence...that's not the same thing as wanting you to find them answers on how to change. It's hard as the listener sometimes to know the difference.
This can definitely be true. But with my mom, she was actually asking what to do and to get her these things. I just think she needs a different motivation. Maybe if she has to go through the effort, time, and money herself, it might actually cause her to make the changes.
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Old 11-28-20, 02:02 AM  
fanofladyvols
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bubbles76 View Post
This can definitely be true. But with my mom, she was actually asking what to do and to get her these things. I just think she needs a different motivation. Maybe if she has to go through the effort, time, and money herself, it might actually cause her to make the changes.
Yes that's frustrating ..especially when it's a friend or loved one. You've been a good daughter, that's for sure

bfit you've been a good friend to your relative.

bfit and bubbles, you bless them by continuing to simply cheer for them.
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Old 11-28-20, 09:21 AM  
Gams
 
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I would say, “Gosh, I think I’ve given you all the info I can. I can’t think of anything else - maybe you can find more online.”
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