I went to a fertility specialist when I was 38. We had been trying to conceive for nearly two years. It had taken almost a year to get pregnant with our first child, then we miscarried a second very early, then... nothing. So I finally went to the doctor to find out what was up.
After getting the full work-up, the doctor told me I had 'diminished ovarian reserves.' In short, I was running out of eggs. This shocked me because I remember in sex ed years before the nurse had assured us girls we had been born with plenty of eggs and we'd never run out. Turns out that is not really true. We can run out of eggs and their 'quality' diminishes with age. (This is just one of the myths I had been told about fertility.)
The doctor told me I could still get pregnant, but the chances were not good (less than 5%.) He told me the best he could do for me was IVF with donor eggs. We weren't interested in going that far down the fertility road, so we decided to look into adoption.
I was really shocked to learn that my fertility was that compromised at 'only' 38. I knew many women my age who were getting pregnant with relatively little difficulty, and had been reassured by many people with stories of their mothers, sisters, neighbor's boss's cousin's wife who got pregnant no problem well into their 40's! So don't worry! You have plenty of time!
In my case, I did not have plenty of time. I know those people were real. I don't think the stories were made up, and I know people told me about them because they wanted to encourage me and give me hope, but in my case, it could have very easily been false hope. I remember saying to the doctor, 'but I know many women my age who are getting pregnant no problem! Am I just aging more rapidly than they are?!' He assured me my results were very normal for a woman my age.
Yes, many women do have babies into their 40s, but many women also cannot. You just don't know in which camp you fall until you try! This is why I encourage women to get some testing done. I know I'm a broken record on this, but really, it's good to get at least some idea of how the land lies for you. It's certainly not going to tell you a confirmed yes or no, but it might give you some idea of what your chances are. In our case, it sort of freed us up to move on from the idea that our next child would come from our own bodies and opened us up to the world of adoption. We felt very peaceful about the whole thing, thanks to the testing and getting more information on things.
It turned out that adoption didn't pan out for us, and I actually was already pregnant with my DS2 that very day that the doctor told me I had a less than 5% chance of conceiving! Tomorrow is his fifth birthday. He is a delight! He is also special needs, but I don't know that it had anything to do with my age. He is PURE SUNSHINE, that boy. We're very, very thankful for him!
Other people's stories can be helpful, but I don't think we can hang our hats on them. Every couple's situation is very unique.
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