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Originally Posted by mandie123
My Mother who has always been very healthy(92 yrs)other than being in a wheel chair for the last 10 due to not doing rehab after hip replacment had a major stroke a few days ago.She lives with me,EMS was able to get her to a great hospital here in just a few minutes.She could not move on one side and no speech,Neuro Dr gave her a clot busting drug which within the hour she was able to move that side again.The prob is-she still can't swallow or speak,they have inserted a nasal feeding tub,.During the C.T.S they also said there is another small bleed.I'am over there all the time she will hold my hand tight and seems to know what I'am saying.Now today the Dr tells me they suggest watching her for a few days than I and my sister(she's out of town)have to make a decision,either to put in a perm feeding tube thru the stomach or just put her on pallitive care.I am beside myself with grief,I mean she still looks at me and crys when I leave.Has anyone had to go thru this I guess I'am asking? I love her so,and when they tried to explain the pallitive care I just freaked out.I know I guess I just don't want to let go.Sorry for such a depressing post,I'am really tired but will read any replies! Mandy
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Mandy, my sister and younger brother and I were in almost the same position you and your sister are now in, back in late December 2011. Our mother also had a catastrophic stroke, and was not discovered until hours later, long after anything meaningful could be done. After intensive examinations, my sister (who lived in the same city as our mother and was her primary go-to girl) was told that the stroke's effects on Mom were so profound that, although there might be a glimmer of hope for minimal return of some bodily and brain function, that was it - a glimmer. Our mother had always made it abundantly (to say the least) clear that she did not want ANY extraordinary measures taken to prolong her life if she were rendered helpless like this. When my sister relayed this to my brother and me in a conference call and asked what our thoughts were, I paused for a long time, then said, "I can't get my mouth around what I know the answer to be."
We did in fact honor Mom's verbalized wishes, and moved her into a nearby hospice facility, where she died about 3 days later, in peace and among loved ones.
There are no easy answers here. I do echo others' advice to get. some. rest. And then try to approach this with a clear head, you and your sister both, and try to gauge the realistic possibilities here as well as your best understanding of your mother's wishes. I'll also give you some advice my father gave me as we were all sitting vigil during the days Mom was in the hospice center: do everything you can to conserve your energy. You'll need everything you got for this one.
My thoughts are with you and your family now.
Annette