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Old 07-04-18, 08:08 PM  
Scorpio6
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: St. Louis MO
Please see a lawyer, IN SECRET, immediately. Hopefully you will see a lawyer before he does. You need to be prepared so that you are financially taken care of. Do not delay, keep it under your hat that you went to a lawyer to get information in your behalf. Don't tell him unless he refuses counseling (like my ex did) and it's obvious he would not give up the other woman. Then have the papers drawn up for him to sign and don't tell him until the papers are ready.

This is what I did and I have never regretted it, and the financial situation for me was as good as could be expected considering our finances at the time. Whoever files first has the advantage. Don't hide yourself from reality because the way the world is, is different from what we'd like it to be.

Hugs. Keep us posted, we care about you.
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Old 07-04-18, 09:41 PM  
videofit
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Quote:
Originally Posted by Karla25 View Post
I would suggest not to do anything rash until you think things over. No one is perfect. Unfortunately, your husband isn’t forthcoming about the pictures or the extent of the affair. He obviously values your opinion of him or he would not be trying to cover this up -albeit very badly. There are a few questions you need to ask yourself. Is this a first time offense? Is he normally a good husband and father, but made a very bad mistake? Has your relationship been in a rough patch recently? Do you want to go through being single and starting over with someone new;however, you might not find anyone else for many years if ever.
I agree. I'm always surprised at how quickly and easily people discard their relationships.
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Old 07-04-18, 09:51 PM  
Lucky Star
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Quote:
Originally Posted by videofit View Post
I agree. I'm always surprised at how quickly and easily people discard their relationships.
But the sad reality is that often relationships are discarded without women having any choice in the matter. In which case I agree it's better to be prepared and armed with knowledge. Again, I'm hoping for the best for Lilypad.
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Old 07-05-18, 07:21 AM  
upperwside
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Toronto Canada
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Originally Posted by videofit View Post
I agree. I'm always surprised at how quickly and easily people discard their relationships.
Also agree, especially if the relationship is a good one. Also, nude photos do not mean an infidelity... maybe only a flirtation... the friend maybe sent them to him and he is innocent.. but also maybe not. The last thing I would do is go to a lawyer at this stage of the game. And if something did happen, talk about it, affairs happen all the time, big whoop... if a relationship is strong it is something that can be worked through if both parties love each other and want to work it out.
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Old 07-05-18, 07:52 AM  
DCW
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Join Date: Dec 2016
I am so sorry that you and your family are in this situation.

If you have access to an Employee Assistance Program, I suggest you call and set up an appointment to be seen by a counselor. This is a rough time and a 3rd party can help you navigate thru this storm and especially help you with your child.

Hugs.
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Old 07-05-18, 09:24 AM  
wlorrie
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Central Mass
I'm sorry this is happening to you!
My advice would be for you guys to talk about how you both want to proceed. Whether it is calling a lawyer or a therapist, make sure you both are on the same page.
Best of luck to you.
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Old 07-05-18, 09:41 AM  
sherry7899
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I do not have any advice, but I wanted to send you some hugs and say I am sorry you are going through this.
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Old 07-05-18, 09:58 AM  
Terry
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Texas
I sent you a pm.
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Old 07-05-18, 09:58 AM  
violingal3
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Colorado
Quote:
Originally Posted by sherry7899 View Post
I do not have any advice, but I wanted to send you some hugs and say I am sorry you are going through this.
Same here, take care of yourself and your daughters. (((hugs)))
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Old 07-05-18, 10:24 AM  
alisoncooks
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: TarHeel country
Lilypad - obviously, strangers on the internet are going to have a wide range of opinions. For example, I think infidelity is a *huge* deal. Maybe a deal breaker, maybe not.

I also think women often get screwed in family court. I recommended speaking to a knowledgeable person (like a lawyer), to make sure you and your children are protected...not because I advise throwing away a marriage, but because I don't want you to be blindsided if things go south. (ie. going to counseling/etc to preserve your marriage but later finding continued infidelity).

How is your daughter feeling/processing what she found? I have a 12 year old DD, and I can't imagine her handling this sort of experience.

ETA: I also recommend having the mods delete this thread once you've processed a bit. Best wishes. (hugs)
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