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Old 07-04-18, 03:50 PM  
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Ice Box of Pennsylvania
Originally Posted by suzannaerin View Post
What you decide to do is your choice but you should protect yourself, by that I mean financially and otherwise. And your kids.

He needs to come clean with you and that should be non negotiable. His reason sounds like malarkey to me. If he has strayed, get an std test, because she might not be the first or only one.

And remember, you did nothing wrong, this is about him.
I totally agree with Suzannaerin. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I can only imagine the betrayal, confusion and dilemma (especially with your daughter brought into it) you're going through. I know what I would do in your situation (with regards to the husband), but you have to do what is right for you and your family. {{HUGS}}
Being able to say what you want is something most people support............until you say what others don't want to hear.
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Old 07-04-18, 04:18 PM  
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Florida
I would suggest not to do anything rash until you think things over. No one is perfect. Unfortunately, your husband isnít forthcoming about the pictures or the extent of the affair. He obviously values your opinion of him or he would not be trying to cover this up -albeit very badly. There are a few questions you need to ask yourself. Is this a first time offense? Is he normally a good husband and father, but made a very bad mistake? Has your relationship been in a rough patch recently? Do you want to go through being single and starting over with someone new;however, you might not find anyone elsefor many years if ever.

My husband had a very brief affair a few years ago. We hadnít been getting along too well at the time. I found out, left him, moved to another state and started divorce proceedings. I stopped the divorce proceedings after I cooled off. My husband and I dated for about a year before reconciliation. We are now happier than weíve ever been. I make more of an effort each day to bring happiness into his life. He does the same for me. We appreciate each other more.

I would possibly also have a talk with my daughter about respecting other peopleís privacy when the time is right. I wouldnít want anyone going through my computer or phone. I have absolutely nothing to hide, but I value my privacy.
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Old 07-04-18, 04:27 PM  
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Toronto Canada
I always say that I can handle anything, as long as I know the truth. I tell my kids that too.. doesn't matter what it is, I want to know the truth and move on from there. Ask him to talk, put it all out on the table. Sometimes good can come out of situations like this, maybe you can re connect on your relationship or find out why this would happen. Communication is key... even with your daughter.. she is a bit young to understand this kind of stuff.. she needs comfort and clarification. Sorry this happened, but may be good to see a therapist.
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Old 07-04-18, 04:33 PM  
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: A helluva town
I'd be both devastated and hurt, that's for sure. And furious that my child was a part of it as well.

I can't advise you but I wish you all the best and I hope things work out, eventually, to your satisfaction. ((hugs))
~ Gina ~
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Old 07-04-18, 04:41 PM  
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Join Date: Nov 2001
I kicked mine out a day after I found him mooning over (fully covered) photos ten minutes after we opened Christmas gifts. He then left his unlocked phone in front of my 18 year old daughter when moving out. She found his sexts, but the photos were only suggestive.

He responded by feeling sorry for himself. And that was my start of my recovery- I had always considered myself very strong and was ignoring the absolutely mentally and emotionally abusive situation I was living in. I've now realized that the narcissism he had under control while we were younger had/has become completely out of control.

However, it all depends on you, how your marriage is/was outside of this incident and whether you can support yourself financially.

I'm so sorry. Do what is best for you. If you don't have a good support system- please find one. And if he doesn't treat you well outside of this incident, just imagine your daughter letting a boy/man treat her the way he treats you. how I taught my daughter to allow herself to be treated.

Please feel free to email me if you need to talk, don't have support, or want to vent. Despite the #metoo movement, there isn't much this world likes less than a woman who might be bitter- no matter how they were treated. As if being bitter for a while is a bad thing. Sheesh.

I'd definitely get your daughter into therapy and password protect your phone and make sure your husband does too, no matter your choice. Mine never locked his, and she was still going through it when she visited him. (and I do not approve of this at all, no matter the circumstances.)
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Old 07-04-18, 05:03 PM  
Join Date: Sep 2008
I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I'm of an older generation and I just don't get this thing of sending nude photos of yourself.

Perhaps if he levels about his feelings something good can come of this.

I stayed in an abusive relationship after the husband had an affair and lived to regret it, but everyone is different.

Good luck!
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Old 07-04-18, 05:17 PM  
Join Date: May 2010
Thank you all for the advice and support. My husband and I have been married for 13 years. Our marriage has been awesome. We have 2 beautiful daughters and Iíve always felt very blessed. Heís a great dad, great friend, and he always puts us first. We disagree about things but we never had a problem like this. I donít want a divorce. I donít want to start over. I love my life I know I sound corny but itís true. My daughter was not looking through his phone without permission. He unlocked it and gave it to her willingly. She wanted to check out the camera on the iPhone X.
Lynn O thank you so much your so kind.
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Old 07-04-18, 05:21 PM  
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: TarHeel country
Wow. That's

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have no input except to say, decide what you want your end result to be. Reconciliation? Then what do you expect to happen to get there (counseling, etc). Divorce? Then retain a lawyer, ASAP.

ETA: was posting during update.
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Old 07-04-18, 07:02 PM  
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: So. California
Originally Posted by txhsmom View Post
Merciful heavens, it's time to have a serious talk with husband and be prepared to hire a lawyer.

100% agree.

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Old 07-04-18, 07:10 PM  
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ETA: Nevermind. After reading the whole thread, I realized my post was redundant.
"You humans have the potential to be the most wonderful beings there are - if you can get past all these enormous stupid spots you seem to have in your hearts. It's not your fault. You just don't know how to work your hearts right yet. That's why there are dogs." - Jim Butcher, Zoo Day
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