Not entirely OT: Sleep problems with partner

[NoraKate]

another vote for different rooms.
just over 20 yrs together and it works for us

I snore like...well...like a noisy snoring thing, I like the cats to cuddle, am primarily nocturnal and I read until I fall asleep

DH wakes me up when I snore him awake, doesn't appreciate prrring kitties on the bed, is one of those freaky morning people and can't stand me having the light on for reading while he tries to sleep.

[Terri1222]

Another one here who has separate bedrooms.

We've been married about 17 years, and after soooo many nights of me not getting quality sleep (definitely cranky, lowered immune system) and tired of having to get myself up to go to the couch, I finally decided I wanted my own bedroom all to myself.

I will be honest though and admit that it has hurt our intimacy level. He is not one who "cuddles" (and doesn't exactly respond well to it either) and so our relationship has taken on more of a "best friend status" than anything else.

But it's wonderful to hear of all these other relationships who have kept their separate sleeping quarters and are still able to keep the romance alive!

Terri

[Joanna]

I so appreciated reading this! We have been together three years, just married, and the sleep issue is one I have worried about a lot. When we move, I think we would be okay with two mattresses in one frame. The movement bothers me more than the noise does. But I am such a light sleeper and it wakes me up!

He has said numerous times that he does not mind. We always start the night together, watch TV, cuddle etc. If I leave, it is after he is sleeping. I feel real guilt over this, and he tells me I don't need to be :-)

I have been surprised by how many people have heard my story (including his sister) and sheepishly admitted they often sleep apart. It is not a reflection of my love for him at all. It truly is just that I am a very light sleeper and he is a very restless one.

[mtngoat]

This thread makes me feel better too.

My DH kicks in his sleep - I have had bruised shins and legs countless times.
.
For this reason I often sleep apart from DH - Pumpkin sleeps with me, Peanut (the tortoise) with him, ha ha. DH isn't happy with the situation, says he doesn't kick any more, but when we sleep together he does. Maybe I should take this as a hint? I just go to the couch - we don't have separate bedrooms.

(We've been together 36 years, and I still love the guy. )

eta: I'm not a sleeping partner's dream, either. Since we had an attempted home invasion last year, I wake at every sound whether in the street or house. I get up virtually every night and do the rounds (checking doors and windows). Pumpkin has had problems too (extreme weight loss - now regained) so we're a good pair, ha ha. We keep each other company while on security detail.

[rosepetals]

Your not alone. My sleep quality is going downhill big time. We have a queen size bed. Hubby refuses to get a king size. He takes up much of the bed.

I sleep with my pillow at the edge. That means the I also sleep on a slope which hurts my back. Even with that he complains I take up too much room, one pillow space. He pushes me (supposedly in his sleep, I don't believe it.) His knees ram my hips. Ouch. I put a small yoga pillow to protect my hip. The chiropractor suggested a body pillow, but hubby won't go for it.

Sometimes I end up shoved on the floor. His arm or pillow ends up under mine. I put a pillow under my knees to define my sleeping space. I sleep flat on my back, so I don't move around. He stops throwing his legs over me when I moan loudly or squeal in pain. I have back issues. The moaning helps him to remember his space too. He retracts his leg when I moan. The pillow helps him to notice that he is in my space. Even with that, he says I take up too much space. I am always wrong. I use too many pillows. A pillow under my knees takes up no more space than my body. The pillows help to decrease the incidents of me being hit during his sleep.


When he moves it wakes me up. When he gets up to use the bathroom I wake up. I don't sleep well. His snores. I tell him the bed hurts my back, he won't get a new one. It has since we got it. It sags terribly. Its a 2 year old hybrid spring and foam mattress. The foam part is very saggy. Especially with his weight gain. If I sleep alone the bed is fine. 2 people on the mattress and help, I am sliding into the great void.

I would love separate bedrooms, but I know that won't happen. It would offend him. We don't have a couch anymore, so my only choice would be to sleep in the recliner. Sigh.