Article Link Open Letter to Everyone Who Has Told Women Don't Get Too Muscular

[Chomper]

Great article.

I think she misses the mark with preferring "don't get too skinny" over "don't get too muscular," but she does have a point about it compensating for the unbalanced messages women get in our culture. The bottom line is to mind your own business and only make positive comments about a person's appearance and only if you know them well (basically what Miss Manners has been saying for decades).

http://www.tonygentilcore.com/blog/a...-too-muscular/

[mspina]

Thanks for sharing, that was a great article!

[Jane P.]

I think it's important to realize that different women want different results. Some are more subject to outside influences than others, but it should be each woman's choice. Some women are just not going to pick up a weight. I think doing cardio is better than nothing.

The major problem in this country is too much body fat and too little muscle. If your blood chemistry is okay, and your joints don't hurt, you probably are fine even if you are heavier than the tables say you should be.

As for comments made by others, I don't think that's going to stop any time soon. I don't handle these events any better than anyone else. I wish there was a solution. Suggestions would be welcome.

[KateTT]

GREAT article! I'm one woman who loves being strong and having muscles and never pay any attention to people who tell me I shouldn't get so muscular. Too bad!

From the article:
"Women who strength train are doing it for themselves, not for you. Women who lift weights have already eschewed social norms by touching iron in the first place, and I guarantee they give negative f***s about your opinions on their bodies."

And I stole my avatar from the article too. LOL

[eyefit]

So much to love in this article!! I absolutely love how she pointed out the true motivation behind the body policing women face. I'm going to quote some of my favorite passages because she hits the nail right on the head, imo. I love what she said here:

“A culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession about female obedience. Dieting is the most potent political sedative in women’s history; a quietly mad population is a tractable one.”

When women strength train, it is an act of borderline social disobedience. “Don’t get too muscular” is the phrase of choice used by people who are threatened by strong women to put them “back in their place”.

And it’s working.

YES! I'm proud to acknowledge I'm socially disobedient! Hehe

Also when she talks about the lack of respect for female body autonomy in our culture. WORD!

This is an issue that’s been going on since the dawn of time, with female body autonomy being disrespected from reproductive rights, to personal space in public places, to -yes – appearance, weight, & fitness

Men, for the most part, do not have to entertain this type of “well-intentioned” advice, because people actually respect male body autonomy. This is something that women would like to enjoy as well.

[Chomper]

I agree, Colleen! There is something empowering to me about lifting heavy weights and transgressing society.

One of my favorite passages underlines the gendered nature of this body-policing phenomenon:

"If you are a man, and the idea of a random passerby raising knowing eyebrows at your gut whilst commenting on your ice-cream cone sounds invasive and preposterous – that’s because it is invasive and preposterous. You are just lucky enough to not experience it every day. "

GRRRRR.

Jane P. -- as to comments made by others. I think it helps to really know deep in your heart that the comments are inappropriate and rude. And then, reacting to them becomes like reacting to other inappropriate, rude comments or actions. (What if someone just burped in your face? Would you feel insecure about yourself and worry that they were right? Hopefully you would just feel disgust for the oafish boar.) If it's coming from a stranger, just completely ignoring them would be a good way to go. Or looking confused, like are you talking to me,... do I know you?

If it's coming from someone you know and like, calling them out and trying to get them to understand the inappropriateness would be worth the effort. People say stupid stuff all the time. We've all done it ourselves, usually out of ignorance. Maybe, "Why does my physical appearance matter to you so much? Oh, you want me to be happy and you think I need to look a certain way to achieve it? You know what, I've got my own path to happiness under control, so don't worry about it."

Miss Manners often recommended saying, "Thank you for your concern" and then changing the subject to something else. I guess that's what do you with people you know and don't think will ever change.

[Jeanne Marie]

I'm curious who says these things to women? Those of you with people in your lives that make such comments, who are they? I can't imagine anybody saying that to me. Everybody I know, both friends and family, are supportive, encouraging and proud of my fitness efforts.

Maybe nobody says "don't get too muscular" to me because it's pretty obvious that due to genetics, that just isn't going to happen in my case.

I think Chomper's reference to "Miss Manners" is spot on. People need to mind their own business and their manners.

[Trixoo]

Originally Posted by Jeanne Marie

I'm curious who says these things to women? Those of you with people in your lives that make such comments, who are they? I can't imagine anybody saying that to me. Everybody I know, both friends and family, are supportive, encouraging and proud of my fitness efforts.

Maybe nobody says "don't get too muscular" to me because it's pretty obvious that due to genetics, that just isn't going to happen in my case.

I think Chomper's reference to "Miss Manners" is spot on. People need to mind their own business and their manners.

You really, truly must be the luckiest women in the whole world, and I mean that. These messages are EVERYWHERE, sometimes made directly, sometimes indirectly. In terms of direct statements, yes it can happen, unbidden, but those who love you and those who don't. Those who know you well and those who don't. Those who are well intended and those who arent. For example, a colleague's trainer discouraged her from working with weights lest she become "too bulky."

I'm glad to know there's at least one woman in this world who hasn't been weighed and measured with these types of statements in a way that she has recognized.

[marmact]

Originally Posted by Trixoo

You really, truly must be the luckiest women in the whole world, and I mean that. These messages are EVERYWHERE, sometimes made directly, sometimes indirectly. In terms of direct statements, yes it can happen, unbidden, but those who love you and those who don't. Those who know you well and those who don't. Those who are well intended and those who arent. For example, a colleague's trainer discouraged her from working with weights lest she become "too bulky."

I'm glad to know there's at least one woman in this world who hasn't been weighed and measured with these types of statements in a way that she has recognized.

+10,000

I hear these types of comments all the time, from both men and women, fit and not-fit.

[Chomper]

Originally Posted by Jeanne Marie

I'm curious who says these things to women? Those of you with people in your lives that make such comments, who are they? I can't imagine anybody saying that to me. Everybody I know, both friends and family, are supportive, encouraging and proud of my fitness efforts.

Maybe nobody says "don't get too muscular" to me because it's pretty obvious that due to genetics, that just isn't going to happen in my case.

I think Chomper's reference to "Miss Manners" is spot on. People need to mind their own business and their manners.

Jeanne Marie,

A few years ago my mother saw me doing Muscle Max and wrinkled her nose at Cathe, saying "Do you really want to look like that?" I said I would be thrilled, but didn't think I would ever achieve it.

But, the larger point is that people are making negative comments about the appearances of others AT ALL. Whether too muscular, too skinny, too fat, wrong shade of skin color, poor skin quality, big ears or nose. Why is ANY of that an available topic for conversation and unsolicited judgment and advice?

Surely we all have been on the receiving end of some kind of criticism of our looks in some way, or have loved ones who have been. My mother was overweight when she was younger, and I grew up hearing how miserable it was to be teased by the other kids. My brother was overweight and found it difficult, too. A random homeless man called shouted anti-Semitic stuff at him on the street once (I believe the focal point was my brother's nose). I had a persnickety friendly acquaintance show disgust at my bare legs once, presumably because they were too pale and had bruises.

I am sad that my teenage niece retweets jokes about skinny girls. I know it comes from feeling judged and found wanting for being overweight. She has spoken about not feeling pretty and thin enough at a church group.