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01-11-15, 04:24 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Stamford, CT
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I could not agree more with Joni, sounds as you have to be on the same page with your husband first, Cristina.
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Val |
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01-11-15, 04:45 PM
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VF Supporter
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sonoma County, CA
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Quote:
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Jennifer R Dancin' in Paradise "I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused"--Elvis Costello |
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01-11-15, 04:58 PM
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VF Supporter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: West coast of Canada, eh. ;)
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*~*Pam*~* Certified Level 4 Essentrics Instructor - March 2021 Hatha YTT - 2011 Your body keeps an accurate journal regardless of what you write down..... "Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live." Jim Rohn "It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently.” - Tony Robbins Check out my Instagram account, @fitness.ficti0n.inspirati0n |
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01-11-15, 05:12 PM
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VF Supporter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Minnesota
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Quote:
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Jackie Certified Essentrics Instructor, Level 4---February 2017 Yoga Tune Up Roll Model Method Practitioner---December 2021 "Movement is a privilege. You don't have to exercise. You get to exercise. Visit a person whose mobility is severely limited, and you'll appreciate the distinction. Do what you can, count yourself lucky, heal yourself in the process." Essentrics Colorado |
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01-11-15, 05:31 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Belfast, UK!
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You are all correct. It might be an attempt to close the issue on my behalf, but it may indeed backfire.
Thank you all very much for listening, and for the invaluable advice.
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"It's not what happens to you in life that matters, but how you deal with it" ~Tracy Hogg, the Baby Whisperer 
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01-11-15, 06:00 PM
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VF Supporter
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Connecticut
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I chose the tubal ligation over vasectomy for DH because I had strong personal reasons for not wanting to have another child. I never had a problem with it. The only difficulty I had was dealing with the abdominal gas afterward - they pump up your abdomen so it is easier for the docs to see what they're doing. That "passed" and all was fine. I have no regrets, love my one DS and gave him the best I could.
I wish you all the best with your decision and discussions. |
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01-11-15, 08:32 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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I'm relieved that the issue of being of the same page as your partner was brought up. Honestly Cristina, I just believe that there has to be another way to solve this issue for the immediate time. Maybe a relationship counselor would help DH appreciate your perspective & keep the communication positive.
In my circumstance the sides were reversed: I definitely wanted more children & DH didn't. I'd wanted a large family consistently since childhood; DH told me for years he did but later (when I was ready to go for a third) admitted he agreed because he thought I'd leave if he didn't. The issue still causes pain for me, though I am sincerely grateful for my 2 amazing teenage sons that he did agree to have. If DH had gone ahead & gotten snipped, especially when we were in our 20s, I would have stayed, though I have a bad feeling it may have come up again. Obviously, he had a right to not have more children, but something about making the decision for both of us so abruptly would have made me feel disrespected, even if that is wrong-I'm just being honest. I was respectful, obviously, by not having any children "accidentally," which I was shocked to find was fairly common among friends. We both treasure our family as it is now. This is just such an important, emotional decision for you both, that it just seems wise to proceed cautiously. I hope I didn't overstep & sound judgmental- this has just been a big issue in our lives. |
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01-11-15, 08:56 PM
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VF Supporter
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Twin Cities, MN
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My SO of 4 years and I actually broke up because he wanted kids and I didn't. It was a huge loss for me, but I felt strongly enough that I wouldn't change my mind. It's never a decision to take lightly.
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01-11-15, 10:10 PM
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VF Supporter
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sonoma County, CA
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When I first met my husband of over 30 years, he had recently broken up a long relationship because she wanted children and he didn't. He was so sure he didn't want children that he had a vasectomy as a single man. He mourned the relationship but knew they'd never be happy together.
Since I was also sure I didn't want children, we were a great match (well, for more reasons than that, but it can be a real deal-breaker). I'll echo Joni that having children, not having children, or having more children, is never a throwaway decision.
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Jennifer R Dancin' in Paradise "I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused"--Elvis Costello |
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01-12-15, 03:46 PM
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VF Supporter
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: pittsburgh
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I'm going to have to be a dissenting voice here
 It's your body. It's your life and your sanity. It's your choice. Don't let cultural expectations or relationships define you or make choices for you.
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you can have my caffeine when you pry it from my cold dead hands |
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| off-topic, tubal ligation, vasectomy |
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