Video Fitness Forum  

Go Back   Video Fitness Forum > Video Fitness Reader Forum > General Discussion

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 05-22-20, 07:07 AM  
bubbles76
 
bubbles76's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Jersey
Quote:
Originally Posted by leigh1673 View Post
While it's not right to criticize anybody's appearance, skinny-shaming and fat-shaming are not the same thing. No matter what anybody says, in our society, thin = good and fat = bad.
Sorry but that's just not true. I was teased mercilessly for being "too skinny." I am still very sensitive about it. Even found myself in the past sometimes making comments on girls that were "too skinny", who were just as skinny as me. In some communities, thin is not always good.
__________________
"You humans have the potential to be the most wonderful beings there are - if you can get past all these enormous stupid spots you seem to have in your hearts. It's not your fault. You just don't know how to work your hearts right yet. That's why there are dogs." - Jim Butcher, Zoo Day
bubbles76 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-22-20, 07:32 AM  
SpiritYogi
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Spiritual Bliss
Quote:
Originally Posted by bubbles76 View Post
Sorry but that's just not true. I was teased mercilessly for being "too skinny." I am still very sensitive about it. In some communities, thin is not always good.
I agree. I've always been thin and I've had people ask me if I have cancer or some other illness and call me an Ethiopian.
SpiritYogi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-22-20, 07:46 AM  
cyana
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Quote:
Originally Posted by zoegirl View Post
I have a question. I have a friend who has been losing weight (she is trying to). Is it ok to comment and try to encourage her? I love her and think she is beautiful no matter what size she is. How do you encourage someone who is trying to lose weight?
I think you have to take your cues from your friend - does she talk about her weight loss efforts? I loved your comment (highlighted above). Although I can't speak for your friend, I would be touched if a good friend conveyed that to me and let me know that she was there to support my journey on the good days as well as during times that I might be struggling. If you aren't sure that she wants to talk about it, are there other ways you could be supportive - such as recognizing healthy food choices without making a big deal out of it ("That dish looks yummy - tell me how you made that.") and sharing recipe ideas, or expanding meeting up for coffee into a walk, meeting up to walk a local trail or a local park/botanical garden? I was out for a walk last week and met one of my neighbors for the first time. As we were chatting, she mentioned that she did some cooking for an elderly neighbor who has diabetes and that one of her family members is insulin resistant. We discussed some recipes and web sites - it was an easy and natural way to support her efforts.

MoFirmer - Congratulations to you for prioritizing your health despite being thrown a major challenge. I also hope your son has a successful journey.
__________________
"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway." — Mother Teresa

"I've decided to grow old disgracefully." - Twigs
cyana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-22-20, 10:39 AM  
dianestjohn
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Orange County, CA
This is a very interesting thread. I just want to point out that thin is not necessarily the same thing as fit. So although this thread is titled “fit-shaming” I think it’s actually more a case of “thin-shaming”. I doubt anyone cares if Adele has been working out more but people who thought she was a good role model for body acceptance may feel disappointed that she has seemingly capitulated to society’s standard that women should be thin by losing so much weight.

For most of my adult life I have been about a size 14 which I have mostly been happy with. I work out every day, have good aerobic capacity, am healthy and am muscular. In my early 40s I got a bee in my bonnet and carefully but strenuously lost 40 lbs which oddly only took me down to a size 10, although people started telling me I looked too thin (which just made me laugh). But I really did not like all the “compliments” I got from friends and acquaintances like “wow, look at you, have you been working out?” (daily, as per usual), “oh you look so good!” (as opposed to how I looked before?) and my absolute favorite “oh I didn’t even recognize you!!!!” I guess in general I think America puts too much emphasis on women being thin, people seem to think fit equals thin or healthy equals thin, neither of which is always the case. I also think there’s a double standard whereby men can be considered attractive if they are not super thin, but women usually cannot. I think that’s why people champion Ashley Graham, the old Adele, one of the many Beyoncé’s LOL, who are widely acknowledged to be attractive even when they are larger.

When I notice friends have lost weight I usually don’t comment and I never know if it’s rude not to comment or if it’s rude to comment, it’s such an individual thing. I guess for most people being thin is very important so probably they would enjoy it if people noticed and congratulated them. My husband has always made me feel beautiful and that neither increased nor decreased when I lost weight, which was a sort of non-reaction that I greatly appreciated from him. Honestly, I think most people (myself included) who diet to lose weight end up gaining it back so when I have friends who go on diets I sort of inwardly sigh and think it’s just a temporary new hobby for them but I try to listen patiently and express interest when they talk about their new regime.
dianestjohn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-22-20, 10:44 AM  
Taiga
 
Join Date: May 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gams View Post

Anyone remember when Elizabeth Hurley said if she was as fat as Marilyn Monroe had been, she’d kill herself?
Epic level of dysfunction. As she found out soon enough, Hollywood can find endless other 'flaws' to inspire demise.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bubbles76 View Post
Sorry but that's just not true. I was teased mercilessly for being "too skinny." I am still very sensitive about it. Even found myself in the past sometimes making comments on girls that were "too skinny", who were just as skinny as me. In some communities, thin is not always good.
There have been a few times in my life when I actually felt a little threatened by people commenting inappropriately on this. With the exception of one bereavement related weight loss, I am typically fairly muscular even when I'm smaller/ carrying lower body fat. There is no way that I appear malnourished but it doesn't stop a few people from inserting "eating disorder" comments during those times. I think there are 2 reasons for this. Our population tends to carry more weight these days and so the perception for appropriate weight has moved. Secondly, it is a control mechanism and disguised criticism. It gives some people the opportunity to feign concern and feel justified for making body comments and interfering in someone else's life. That interference can feel a bit spooky in the days of social media. It is particularly harmful because it detracts from situations where urgent intervention is needed.


Sadly, I've noticed that these interlopers are always women who never show "concern" about my life except to make comments about weight. The men in my circle can get ripped and lean without ever suffering those types of comments.
__________________
Taiga
Taiga is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-22-20, 02:07 PM  
dianestjohn
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Orange County, CA
I also think that most people are not happy with their own bodies, they judge themselves harshly for being too fat, not muscular enough, whatever. So it’s a kind of knee jerk reaction for people to respond strongly when other people lose weight or are just thinner to start with, whether through genetics or hard work, it seems to hit a nerve with the majority of people in this country who feel their bodies are not good enough and so they will be vocal about judging and commenting on other people’s size and shape.
dianestjohn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-22-20, 04:15 PM  
Terry
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Texas
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoFirmer View Post
I must admit I got derailed on my fitness when my son was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Needless to say it was MUCH easier to fight my cancer than to watch my son battle it.


I know how hard this is on you. My son was diagnosed as a Type 1 diabetic 20 years ago when he was 8. I used to check his blood glucose twice per night. With each night check and every morning getting him up for school, I approached him slowly in case I found what the doctors at Children's included in our training before they let us bring him home: Dead in Bed thanks to life-saving insulin therapy not being all that perfect. NOTE: Insulin therapy is better these days with better insulin, insulin pumps, and automatic blood glucose monitors with alarms.
Terry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-22-20, 04:27 PM  
Terry
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Texas
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vintage VFer View Post
I've told this story before. I was at a T-Tapp class led by Teresa herself. A heavy woman came up to me, looked me up and down and said, "You don't belong here." I wasn't sure what she meant and was a bit stunned. I forgot my reply. Something like, "Well, I'm trying to firm up." She then said, "No, you really don't belong here."

That felt great. Not!
I know there are rude people in this world, but this one was apparently a first class "b". Wow! It's not hard to believe her self image would allow her to think that as some sort of self-defense, but to push with the last statement after your reply is mind boggling. I knew a spoiled brat adult whose family had catered to her. She never hesitated to say whatever nasty thought she came up with, like mean girls in movies.
Terry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-22-20, 04:32 PM  
Terry
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Texas
Quote:
Originally Posted by eam531 View Post
Lots of people over the years have said stuff like "oh, you're lucky, you don't need to watch your weight." Or even worse, "you don't need to exercise." ??!! Well, actually, I do. If I didn't limit treats and I ate everything I wanted to eat in the amounts I wanted to eat, I would gain weight. If I didn't exercise, I'd be weak and feel terrible.

It bothers me that the discipline that it takes to maintain my dietary and exercise program isn't recognized.
We recognize your discipline

Now go ahead and eat half of a double-cheese pizza tonight since you are lucky like that according to them LOL!
Terry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-22-20, 04:36 PM  
Terry
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Texas
Quote:
Originally Posted by muggle View Post
I had a coworker look me up and down then say “Oh my God, you’re so skinny”. She had a disgusted look on her face.
Don't you wish you could have come up with an instant comeback rather than being stuck in stunned silence that she actually said that with that look on her face?

How about: Oh my god! You look so disgusted with how fit I am.
Terry is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
body comments, fit-shaming, weight loss

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:49 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
© 2009 Video Fitness