Less-than-happy stories about "weight loss" remarks

[videofit]

It's not my job to prop up someone else's low self esteem. That is their responsibility.

[frostyjan]

Originally Posted by Judy W.

I lost almost 200 pounds a number of years ago, and have kept it off. You can be sure I heard EVERYTHING! But I have another point of view.

When people compliment my weight loss, what is their intent? Isn't it usually to indicate that they noticed? That they want to encourage me? That they are on my side? If they choose the wrong combination of words, or accidentally touch on some sensitive issue, does that change their original good intent?

I think it's time we stopped taking offense all the time. Somebody cared enough to reach out and try to encourage me! Can't I say "thank you" and go on? And isn't that healthier than storing their remark in my inner Resentment Bank?

We need to reach out to each other and walk the journey of life together! Otherwise, we are each on our own -- and THAT is scary.

I LOVE THIS!!!

[andtckrtoo]

Originally Posted by Judy W.

I lost almost 200 pounds a number of years ago, and have kept it off. You can be sure I heard EVERYTHING! But I have another point of view.

When people compliment my weight loss, what is their intent? Isn't it usually to indicate that they noticed? That they want to encourage me? That they are on my side? If they choose the wrong combination of words, or accidentally touch on some sensitive issue, does that change their original good intent?

I think it's time we stopped taking offense all the time. Somebody cared enough to reach out and try to encourage me! Can't I say "thank you" and go on? And isn't that healthier than storing their remark in my inner Resentment Bank?

We need to reach out to each other and walk the journey of life together! Otherwise, we are each on our own -- and THAT is scary.

This! Not about weight loss, but my cancer treatment. People often didn't know what to say and said some really bizarre things. I often ended comforting people who knew me. I realized I could take offense or I could take everything in the spirit in which is was intended. I was much happier thinking that they all meant the best and just struggled with how to express it.

While I absolutely agree that commenting on looks is not cool, I think those that do and mean well, simply don't know how to compliment someone. The ones who are snipping or snide - well they aren't worth the time.

[hch]

Originally Posted by Judy W.

Yes. Amen! In most cases, people make innocent remarks without the least intent of insulting or demeaning us. It is WE who choose to huff, only because of having bought into whatever that "BFC" has told us!

I smile graciously, say thank you and go on with my day. Leave it behind -- we have enough burdens to carry without putting a heavy chip on our own shoulder!

I should mention that besides agreeing with with athompson10, I also agree--to an extent--with what you say as well. As you may be guessing from my phrasing, though, this agreement has a few conditions.

I'd agree that many such comments (though not all) are "well-intentioned," and assuming that every such comment is meant to be insulting would be both inaccurate and uncharitable. There's also a good reason, though, that "well-intentioned" and "she meant well" mean what they usually mean.

We can also respond to comments and posts when we don't totally agree with them. We have more options besides "thank you" (which can be interpreted as perfect acceptance) and harshness:

Originally Posted by toaster

I do agree that sometimes, we need to realize that others are trying to help, and although they may have said something that feels invalidating or insensitive to us, we have to understand that they simply do not KNOW our situation. When I have clients dealing with grief issues in particular, I talk to them about how they might need to be educators of others in order to be able to access support.

I can imagine that it might be very difficult if I had just gone through 6 months of chemo, lost a lot of weight, and then ran into an old friend who said "wow, you look great!" Still, if I wanted that person's support, it would be incumbent on ME to say something like "well, I know it looks that way on the surface, but actually, I've been going through a really tough time." Hopefully that would open up a dialogue.

I'll post more later in this thread.

[amoodygirl]

Originally Posted by videofit

Me, too. I am a visual person so I respond to color and design. Men are usually taken aback and flattered if I compliment them on their tie or new hair cut. Better be careful around college age Snowflakes because this is considered a micro-aggression because you are insulting people you didn't compliment. I blame the schools' 'everyone is a winner' indoctrination.

Stop using the classically racist term "snowflake", videofit. This word has a nasty, racist history. Therefore, I've reported your post. Educate yourself. Education is your friend.

Snowflake
Snowflake is a term Republicans are calling liberals. it refers to the human ash in the air when the Nazis would burn people alive.

Referring to someone, usually the Alt-Right, Yiannopoulos, And Nazi Sympathizers (A.K.A. ARYANS), whose immense white fragility causes a meltdown when confronted with the most minute deviation from orthodox White Supremacy. They often cry bloody murder when expected to give the most modest expression of basic human decency.

This is all a continuation of how Snowflake historically refers to people who are against the abolition of slavery.

The ARYANS have attempted to hijack this term to use against progressives and those opposing Fascism.

[twinkletoes]

Originally Posted by amoodygirl

Stop using the classically racist term "snowflake", videofit. I've reported your post.

Snowflake
Snowflake is a term Republicans are calling liberals. it refers to the human ash in the air when the Nazis would burn people alive.

Referring to someone, usually the Alt-Right, Yiannopoulos, And Nazi Sympathizers (A.K.A. ARYANS), whose immense white fragility causes a meltdown when confronted with the most minute deviation from orthodox White Supremacy. They often cry bloody murder when expected to give the most modest expression of basic human decency.

This is all a continuation of how Snowflake historically refers to people who are against the abolition of slavery.

The ARYANS have attempted to hijack this term to use against progressives and those opposing Fascism. It failed ultimately, because nobody was foolish enough to believe anti-Fascist resisters to be, by any stretch of the imagination, comparable to the snowflakery of the ARYANs and their cheeto-dusted Fuhrer.

You copied this from Urban Dictionary...and it's WAY off. When using it like videofit did, it means (taking it from Google search) "Generation Snowflake, or Snowflake Generation, is a term used to characterize people who became adults in the 2010s as being more prone to taking offence and less resilient than previous generations, or too emotionally vulnerable to cope with views that challenge their own". Not racist. Just another word for crybaby.

[amoodygirl]

Originally Posted by twinkletoes

You copied this from Urban Dictionary...and it's looking WAY too deep into the term. When using it like videofit did, it means (taking it from Google search) "Generation Snowflake, or Snowflake Generation, is a term used to characterize people who became adults in the 2010s as being more prone to taking offence and less resilient than previous generations, or too emotionally vulnerable to cope with views that challenge their own". Not racist. Just another word for crybaby.

Language and its use has been my main avocation (other than fitness). The word has a racist history, no matter how much you try to sugarcoat it. It doesn't matter where the term is posted/listed. It's nasty. Language is fluid. Perhaps you think that if they took the "N" word and applied some other new meaning to it, it would be OK to use it. No difference here.

The Urban Dictionary is written by someone, no? So, if I look up a word in Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, you would come back and say, "Hey, you found that in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary." This is not a valid argument.

[Nuggie's Auntie]

Originally Posted by twinkletoes

You copied this from Urban Dictionary...and it's looking WAY too deep into the term. When using it like videofit did, it means (taking it from Google search) "Generation Snowflake, or Snowflake Generation, is a term used to characterize people who became adults in the 2010s as being more prone to taking offence and less resilient than previous generations, or too emotionally vulnerable to cope with views that challenge their own". Not racist. Just another word for crybaby.

Yes, this is how I've always understood it--it's a crack on the Millennial generation who were told they were 'special snowflakes' and are maligned for being 'too delicate.' (I actually think the millennials have some very nice qualities, too, but that's an aside.) I don't think it's a political term so much as a slur on a younger generation.

Either way, it was really irrelevant to the discussion, just one person trying to stir the pot. In these cases, I generally choose to just ignore...

[Nuggie's Auntie]

Originally Posted by amoodygirl

Language and its use has been my main avocation (other than fitness). The word has a racist history, no matter how much you try to sugarcoat it. It doesn't matter where the term is posted/listed. It's nasty. But, perhaps, you and videofit are of the same mold. SAD!

That's totally uncalled for.

[amoodygirl]

Originally Posted by Nuggie's Auntie

That's totally uncalled for.

But her name calling is OK. Got it!