OT - would appreciate your input on a holiday issue - Page 2

tytbody · 11-06-19, 03:28 PM

Lying is a line you don’t cross. I’m sorry you know all this about him and are reluctant to let it go. Ring and all.

He has betrayed your trust, it seems on more than one occasion.
That right there is not a healthy relationship because, you will be questioning everything. The trust is gone.

Since, I don’t know you I would say, you are getting red lights not to marry this man.

He has shown you disrespect, and you are worthy of respect.

I’ve been divorced a time or two and I would not attend gatherings with the x and his new wife. Yes, I’d be invited, but , it’s awkward.

You make yourself happy and don’t go FOR HIM.

I’d find some other way to enjoy thanksgiving so that I would be happy and comfortable.

SpiritYogi · 11-06-19, 04:04 PM

Gams,

Have you ever sought counseling -- individual or couples? For your own health and happiness, I feel you should consider talking to a professional who can provide (unbiased) guidance and insight.

Gams · 11-06-19, 04:20 PM

I have been to counseling - he won’t go because he says there is nothing wrong with him. One place he worked sent him to a psychiatrist once, but it didn’t go well because he thought the problem was everyone else’s.

sherry7899 · 11-06-19, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gams

I have been to counseling - he won’t go because he says there is nothing wrong with him. One place he worked sent him to a psychiatrist once, but it didn’t go well because he thought the problem was everyone else’s.

Gams-I am so sorry for you going through this. I hate to say it, but usually people who say the problems are everyone else's are narcissists. Unfortunately, I have dealt with one in my immediate family my entire life.

yogapam · 11-06-19, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sherry7899

Gams-I am so sorry for you going through this. I hate to say it, but usually people who say the problems are everyone else's are narcissists. Unfortunately, I have dealt with one in my immediate family my entire life.

Yep, same here. Narcissists & passive aggression go hand in hand in my experience!

fanofladyvols · 11-06-19, 05:04 PM

The question I have for you is

Do you want this relationship to continue..?

You have the power to make what you live
Be what you want.

((Hugs for the hurt ))

Karla25 · 11-06-19, 05:29 PM

You’re an intelligent woman that cares about other people. I’m sorry, but your boyfriend is a loser and he’s not going to change for the better. I think he still has very strong feelings for his ex. and if you both truly loved each other you’d have been married by now. He has absolutely no respect for your feelings. Can you honestly respect a man that lies to you? He has manipulated you and made a fool of you. I sound harsh, but you must face reality. Your life is too precious to waste it on someone so undeserving. Having you pick up a toilet for his former lover was degrading you. He knew it and that’s why he lied. You most definitely can’t trust him. I think he’s emotionally abusing you. You truly deserve so much better in life! You only have one :-) Change is difficult, but you need to find someone better. I’m sending you ((Hugs)) and praying for you!

Tugger31 · 11-06-19, 05:51 PM

Trying to find the good in someone, my first thought was that maybe he took it as a personal insult and rejection of his son and not him, hence the reason he hung up. Not condoning the behavior but that was my first thought.

After reading your second post, I thought (pardon my bluntness) "whoa that relationship is NOT normal or healthy". It's possible that being in that relationship for so long you have lost touch with what a normal, healthy relationship can be and should be. It isn't wrong to want to do something that makes you happy, but the Thanksgiving holiday is only one moment in time, one day of the year. You deserve to be happy every day of the year, not just a holiday.

Lying has no place in a relationship. End of story.

laurajhawk · 11-06-19, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gams

We’ve been together for 6 years and engaged for two, but I would never marry him ... I’ve known for a long time I need to get out of this relationship, but for some reason I don’t.

You've asked us for advice, so I don't feel bad about giving it: Get out of the relationship.

Then start a VF thread about post-breakup workouts. We're totally here for you. Wishing you all kinds of strength.

alisoncooks · 11-06-19, 06:23 PM

In my kindest, gentlest voice:
Please read this: http://forum.videofitness.com/showthread.php?t=204484

And (5 years later) what advice would you give to her...?

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11-06-19, 03:28 PM
tytbody VF Supporter Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: MA	Lying is a line you don’t cross. I’m sorry you know all this about him and are reluctant to let it go. Ring and all. He has betrayed your trust, it seems on more than one occasion. That right there is not a healthy relationship because, you will be questioning everything. The trust is gone. Since, I don’t know you I would say, you are getting red lights not to marry this man. He has shown you disrespect, and you are worthy of respect. I’ve been divorced a time or two and I would not attend gatherings with the x and his new wife. Yes, I’d be invited, but , it’s awkward. You make yourself happy and don’t go FOR HIM. I’d find some other way to enjoy thanksgiving so that I would be happy and comfortable. __________________ ~~~Cheryl Completed a 10 day Pilates Challenge 2019 Completed Pilates 7 day Challenge 2019 Live Life Simply -Simply Love Life

11-06-19, 04:04 PM
SpiritYogi Join Date: May 2002 Location: Spiritual Bliss	Gams, Have you ever sought counseling -- individual or couples? For your own health and happiness, I feel you should consider talking to a professional who can provide (unbiased) guidance and insight.

11-06-19, 04:20 PM
Gams Join Date: Mar 2007	I have been to counseling - he won’t go because he says there is nothing wrong with him. One place he worked sent him to a psychiatrist once, but it didn’t go well because he thought the problem was everyone else’s.

11-06-19, 05:04 PM
fanofladyvols Join Date: May 2004 Location: Modify City, State of Fierce	The question I have for you is Do you want this relationship to continue..? You have the power to make what you live Be what you want. ((Hugs for the hurt )) __________________ Don't just work hard, work smart....Pat Head Summitt Never give up on your body!-- Miranda Esmonde-White Word/Guiding Principle for 2024: Embrace: embrace my faith, my family, my friends, myself, the process, the progress, the hard work, the strength program I choose, the recovery methods and rest I need, my life, the good times, and the memories of good people.

11-06-19, 05:29 PM
Karla25 Join Date: Jul 2017 Location: Florida	You’re an intelligent woman that cares about other people. I’m sorry, but your boyfriend is a loser and he’s not going to change for the better. I think he still has very strong feelings for his ex. and if you both truly loved each other you’d have been married by now. He has absolutely no respect for your feelings. Can you honestly respect a man that lies to you? He has manipulated you and made a fool of you. I sound harsh, but you must face reality. Your life is too precious to waste it on someone so undeserving. Having you pick up a toilet for his former lover was degrading you. He knew it and that’s why he lied. You most definitely can’t trust him. I think he’s emotionally abusing you. You truly deserve so much better in life! You only have one :-) Change is difficult, but you need to find someone better. I’m sending you ((Hugs)) and praying for you! __________________ Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. Henry David Thoreau

11-06-19, 05:51 PM
Tugger31 Join Date: Feb 2002	Trying to find the good in someone, my first thought was that maybe he took it as a personal insult and rejection of his son and not him, hence the reason he hung up. Not condoning the behavior but that was my first thought. After reading your second post, I thought (pardon my bluntness) "whoa that relationship is NOT normal or healthy". It's possible that being in that relationship for so long you have lost touch with what a normal, healthy relationship can be and should be. It isn't wrong to want to do something that makes you happy, but the Thanksgiving holiday is only one moment in time, one day of the year. You deserve to be happy every day of the year, not just a holiday. Lying has no place in a relationship. End of story.

11-06-19, 06:23 PM
alisoncooks Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: TarHeel country	In my kindest, gentlest voice: Please read this: http://forum.videofitness.com/showthread.php?t=204484 And (5 years later) what advice would you give to her...?