Video Fitness Forum  

Go Back   Video Fitness Forum > Video Fitness Reader Forum > General Discussion

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 01-12-17, 10:25 PM  
bfit
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
somewhat OT: not sure what to do about rude woman at water aerobics class

I've attended a water aerobics class for several years, and I really enjoy it. I consider the other regular attendees friends although we never really socialize much away from the pool, and it's mostly just locker room chat. There's one woman who has been coming now for about a year who teases me in the pool in front of the others, and it embarrasses me. She does not do this to anyone else - just me. She says my hat is "goofy". She says I look like a "duckling" and a "bobblehead" when I'm exercising. Sometimes she laughs out loud and says "Look how silly she looks" and points at me during class. I've tried ignoring her, tried laughing it off, and tried saying things like "Oh come on, I don't look that silly, do I"? But, I've finally reached the end of my rope. Should I tell her that I don't appreciate this? If so, should I do it privately? Or in front of the other people? Should I discuss this with the instructor? Should I discuss it with other people in the class? If I can't fix this I'm thinking of just not going to the class any more. I'd appreciate your thoughts.
bfit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-17, 10:36 PM  
shoegoddess
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: So. California
WOW!! That woman sounds like a rude bully! I'd speak to the instructor first. If that doesn't work I'd personally call the woman out in front of the class and tell her she is being rude and you don't appreciate being bullied and to knock it off!
__________________
CINDY

I'm not a typical grandma!

Body by Cathe, Chalene and Dr. Niccole
-Me

A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Well-behaved women seldom make history
-Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Women are Angels
And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly....on a broomstick...we are flexible like that
-White Witch

Gotta love Maxine:
http://forum.videofitness.com/pictur...&pictureid=230
shoegoddess is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-17, 10:48 PM  
kristiep
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Georgia
I am a person who does not shy from confrontation so keep that in mind with my opinion. . . This woman sounds horrible. It is terribly rude what she has been doing to you.

If I were you, I would take her to the side gently but confidently and tell her you do not appreciate what she has been doing and saying. Give her these examples so that she clearly understands what you mean. Tell her that if she does it again, you will call her out, publicly if necessary. "Call out" meaning you would say to her "That comment was hurtful. I don't appreciate it." Or " I would appreciate it if you did not speak to me if you cannot be polite."

You could talk to the instructor and tell him/her how you feel and how you plan to address it. That way the instructor would not be surprised if you had a confrontation in class. You might also discuss with some of the other students for the same reason.

The point is for you to handle it. You're not trying to start a "war" or pit her against the other students. You just want her to stop. I don't see why you need to leave the class. That's not fair to you.
kristiep is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-17, 10:55 PM  
shoegoddess
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: So. California
Quote:
Originally Posted by kristiep View Post
I don't see why you need to leave the class. That's not fair to you.
That.
__________________
CINDY

I'm not a typical grandma!

Body by Cathe, Chalene and Dr. Niccole
-Me

A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Well-behaved women seldom make history
-Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Women are Angels
And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly....on a broomstick...we are flexible like that
-White Witch

Gotta love Maxine:
http://forum.videofitness.com/pictur...&pictureid=230
shoegoddess is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-17, 11:18 PM  
LizEMA
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northeast
I would actually suggest approaching the woman privately and saying something like, "I really like this class, but I'm uncomfortable with the comments you make about me. I would appreciate it if you would not single me out anymore." Or SOMETHING like that. (I'm really bad at this kind of thing, but maybe someone else can chime in and polish that up for me. )

If you're uncomfortable pulling her aside before or after class, then say something during it. She may not actually realize how rude, obnxious or hurtful she is being or how unomfortable she is making you. Some people, though not mean-spirited, may come off as such, thinking something like that is funny or humorous and not realize that it is just too much. People can really just be THAT clueless. I think all of us, though, at some time in our lives, may do or say things that may make others uncomfortable without realizing or intending to, AT ALL, but, unless someone says something to us, how are we to know? The same is especially true for super oblivious people.

If that doesn't work, THEN I would approach the instructor with your dilemma.

And please don't leave the class and stop doing something you enjoy because someone else is being a bumblehead.
__________________
Liz
LizEMA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-17, 11:42 PM  
Genevieve M
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Roslindale, MA
Oh, man, would I have fun with her!!!! Some suggestions:

- start insulting HER
- Hold her head under water for a few minutes
- steal her locker room key

No, seriously, she obviously has a problem. Normal people don't behave like that. I think you would feel better if you followed the advice of the previous poster who suggested that you talk with her 1x1.

Am sorry you are going through this. Don't let her ruin your enjoyment of the class!!
Genevieve M is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-17, 12:22 AM  
bzar
Exchange Moderator
 
bzar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: PalmTreeVille
i like all of the suggestions.

man, i can't imagine someone like this! gawd! how childish. please tell us what ends up happening!

does anyone have any real stories about how they dealt w/someone like this? i'm trying to think if i've ever experienced anything like this.
__________________
~jeannine


Miyagi: Wax on, right hand. Wax off, left hand. Wax on, wax off. Breathe in through nose, out the mouth. Wax on, wax off. Don't forget to breathe, very important.
[walks away, still making circular motions with hands] ~ Pat Morita, The Karate Kid, 1984


disclosure: in the years 2002-2004 i had a professional relationship with a distributor of fitness videos; see profile.
bzar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-17, 12:37 AM  
AsSweetAsSugar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
How old is she? 10?! Wow, unbelievable. I think you should have try to stop it a while back, but it is never too late to act or re-act, how frustrating I guess it is, sorry you have to experience something like this, but I agree with most comments here, especially Kristiep''s advice. And I agree about not leaving the class for her, she is not worth it! I'm also surprised the instructor have not said anything about her silly comments. I hope you'll find a way to get it resolve, good luck, and please let us know how it goes!
__________________
"There are seven days in the week and someday isn't one of them!"

LMP - Grad/Aug 13 * TheRack - Grad/Nov 13 * PowerFit H - Grad/Jan 14 * FIF: SB - Grad/ Feb 14 * Cage/Box/KB 6WR - Comp/Mar 14 * Ugi/Kb/Pilates 6WR - Comp/May 14 * ThunderBell - Comp/Sep 14 * Obsidian - Comp/Jan 15 * JNL - DO/Sept 15 * D2S - Grad/Feb 16 * KbKb/TBS - Grad/Jun 16 * FusionMixx - Com/Aug 16 * F8F - Grad/Oct 16

Sonríe a la vida y ella te sonreíra siempre!
AsSweetAsSugar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-17, 12:56 AM  
bzar
Exchange Moderator
 
bzar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: PalmTreeVille
sugar just mentioned something - how old is she? i wonder if she has a mental disability or something where she doesn't realize that she's being a bully.

this story doesn't match your situation, but here goes.

back in the late 60s, one of my childhood friends was bullied by another kid (a boy) who was 1 year older. he made my friend cry. the next day, her mother came to school, and in front of everyone, yelled at the boy. he was such a punk. i don't know if something like this would ever happen now, but no one stopped my friend's mom. and she was a petite little thing, but boy did she have command over this boy. she didn't swear or cuss, but was scolding him. i'm pretty certain he was ashamed being called out in front of the whole class.
__________________
~jeannine


Miyagi: Wax on, right hand. Wax off, left hand. Wax on, wax off. Breathe in through nose, out the mouth. Wax on, wax off. Don't forget to breathe, very important.
[walks away, still making circular motions with hands] ~ Pat Morita, The Karate Kid, 1984


disclosure: in the years 2002-2004 i had a professional relationship with a distributor of fitness videos; see profile.
bzar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-17, 01:40 AM  
Betty Boop
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Arkansas
Quote:
Originally Posted by shoegoddess View Post
WOW!! That woman sounds like a rude bully! I'd speak to the instructor first. If that doesn't work I'd personally call the woman out in front of the class and tell her she is being rude and you don't appreciate being bullied and to knock it off!
Yes - A good assertive response.
__________________
Carol
"You speak of what you need, but you say nothing of what you are needed for."
Betty Boop is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:41 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
© 2009 Video Fitness