somewhat OT: not sure what to do about rude woman at water aerobics class - Page 8

Jeanne Marie · 01-15-17, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beanpeanut

Confronting the bully in front of others and "getting her with kindness" ( I did not use the actual word that comes first with this saying), Could go a long way, being nice to her in front of her peers and asking if she would like to go to lunch, may make her feel uncomfortable and hopefully rethink what she is doing, it also opens the window to the fact that harsh feels between two people does need to be addressed and best worked out amongst each other.

I agree with the kindness approach.

This whole situation reminds me of one of the tenets that I live by.... we can not control what others say or do, we can only control how we react to those people. With that in mind, I would do my best to handle it with kindness. It may not work with her, but by and large I've found that if I approach people with a gracious attitude, most of the time they react accordingly.

little bird · 01-15-17, 08:44 AM

Under normal circumstances I use the kindness approach. Dealing with a bully is different. You are probably going to get steamed rolled over by being nice to a bully.

FitBoop · 01-15-17, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little bird

Under normal circumstances I use the kindness approach. Dealing with a bully is different. You are probably going to get steamed rolled over by being nice to a bully.

Yes, that's right. People who act rude and nasty to other people don't see anything wrong with their behavior, and when you say something to them about it, they will blame you. People like that can interpret kindness as weakness, and it can fuel them. It is better to avoid interacting with people like that.

In a situation like this, where you are both members of a class, it is the duty of the instructor and the facility to maintain and enforce a code of conduct. That's why I think it is essential to speak to the person in charge and let them figure out how to deal with it.

wishiwasinhawaii · 01-15-17, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FitBoop

Yes, that's right. People who act rude and nasty to other people don't see anything wrong with their behavior, and when you say something to them about it, they will blame you. People like that can interpret kindness as weakness, and it can fuel them. It is better to avoid interacting with people like that.

In a situation like this, where you are both members of a class, it is the duty of the instructor and the facility to maintain and enforce a code of conduct. That's why I think it is essential to speak to the person in charge and let them figure out how to deal with it.

This is excellent advice.

MathTeacher · 01-15-17, 02:38 PM

I recently had to deal with a bully in one of my classes. Of course, bullies are sneaky so I did not know what was going on until it was brought to my attention. That gave me the opportunity to sit back and watch and wait. I heard him. His hatefulness was beyond....... I don't have a word. I let him know I knew what he had been doing. I checked up on the situation Friday. He has not said another word. And he better not.

I said all of that to say this. You need to let the person in charge know what is going on, because she may not see it. Let her handle it. I have found that retaliation always gets caught and the guilty person in the situation acts like an innocent lamb.

Betty Boop · 01-15-17, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MathTeacher

. . . I spider monkeyed him. . . .

What does that mean? Thanks!

MathTeacher · 01-15-17, 04:41 PM

I put a stop to it.

Aunt Famous · 01-15-17, 06:29 PM

FitBoop said perfectly what I had been trying to articulate since reading the original post.

Let me let you in on a little secret: There is about a 100% chance that you are not the only one being bothered by this person. I guarantee that it's not just you.

Hang in there, friend.

AF

Check out my blog at www.typeALC.com

mtnmom · 01-16-17, 01:36 PM

What about a simple "I don't appreciate your insults. Stop it now, or I'll take up the matter with the instructor."

dianestjohn · 01-17-17, 02:37 PM

Another idea might be to email the facility and explain what has been going wrong - it's this particular class, the bully's name is x, she has made the following comments, you are uncomfortable, you don't want to drop out of the class but you don't know what to do - what do they suggest? I like this approach because for me it is easier to complain by email than in person, and this way they will have a record of the complaint.

Support VF
VF Membership Subscription
Shop These Vendors
Activa	Collage Video
Amazon.com	eBay.com
Amazon.ca (Canada)	Half.com
Amazon.co.uk (UK)	Junonia
Amazon.fr (France)	Onehanesplace.com
BN.com	Overstock.com
Buy.com	Road Runner Sports
CenturyFitness.com	Sierra Trading Post

01-15-17, 08:44 AM
little bird Join Date: Aug 2003	Under normal circumstances I use the kindness approach. Dealing with a bully is different. You are probably going to get steamed rolled over by being nice to a bully. __________________ Life is a wonderful thing even with the difficulties that are sprinkled in. ~little bird from VF

01-15-17, 02:38 PM
MathTeacher Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: Arkansas	I recently had to deal with a bully in one of my classes. Of course, bullies are sneaky so I did not know what was going on until it was brought to my attention. That gave me the opportunity to sit back and watch and wait. I heard him. His hatefulness was beyond....... I don't have a word. I let him know I knew what he had been doing. I checked up on the situation Friday. He has not said another word. And he better not. I said all of that to say this. You need to let the person in charge know what is going on, because she may not see it. Let her handle it. I have found that retaliation always gets caught and the guilty person in the situation acts like an innocent lamb. __________________ In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

01-15-17, 04:41 PM
MathTeacher Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: Arkansas	I put a stop to it. __________________ In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

01-15-17, 06:29 PM
Aunt Famous Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: the Sunny South	FitBoop said perfectly what I had been trying to articulate since reading the original post. Let me let you in on a little secret: There is about a 100% chance that you are not the only one being bothered by this person. I guarantee that it's not just you. Hang in there, friend. AF Check out my blog at www.typeALC.com

01-16-17, 01:36 PM
mtnmom Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Santa Cruz Mtns, CA	What about a simple "I don't appreciate your insults. Stop it now, or I'll take up the matter with the instructor." __________________ ~~Diane~~

01-17-17, 02:37 PM
dianestjohn Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Orange County, CA	Another idea might be to email the facility and explain what has been going wrong - it's this particular class, the bully's name is x, she has made the following comments, you are uncomfortable, you don't want to drop out of the class but you don't know what to do - what do they suggest? I like this approach because for me it is easier to complain by email than in person, and this way they will have a record of the complaint.