OT: Childless by Choice quotes

[cristinalatina]

Originally Posted by Taramisu

Besides, my own mom never made motherhood sound very appealing. She used to tape her gray hairs to the mirror and say..."You kids did this to me!!!!"

You are all killing me here

[toaster]

Originally Posted by bearcatfan

Jeez, I would never presume to ask someone *why* they don't have children. It just didn't happen, either by happenstance or choice. ...snip...
But yeah. People can be darn rude.

Rose I don't even think of it as rude anymore when people ask (although of course it is--I never ask someone why they have kids!). I've tried to use some snappy comeback, but now I usually just say something like "it's more fun being the aunt!" However, I'm also usually quick to say that I LOVE kids--in my case, this is actually true, but I feel bad for people who don't like kids, as they are stigmatized even further.

I also feel bad for those who are childless b/c they can't have kids--I always imagine how hard it would be for THEM to get this question.

Originally Posted by JulieIL

A comment that my child free sister hears is (even from our own mother!) is, "It's probably for the best. Not everyone would be a good mother." The implication that she takes away from this is that there is something so defective with her that she did the world a favor by not having a child.

Julie, that is so sad! People have always told me that I would make a good mother; on the one hand, it's one of the reasons why they say I "should" have kids, but on the other, I do take it as a compliment.

Originally Posted by deltoro

2. Being discrimanted against in a work setting because I don't have children. I don't get the picking the kid up/running to a kid's play/out sick because of the kid stuff (not that its all a joy for those who do). I have also had the situation where people felt that I should be obligated to work certain holidays because I "don't have a family" ummm yeah I do, not having a kid does not negate me having a family.

Oh, I forgot about #2. Luckily, this doesn't happen to me all that much--one of my co-workers is gay with no kids, and several others either have just one child or older children, so it's not a big issue. But you do kind of feel sometimes that it's not justified to take time off to take care of your own "family."

Originally Posted by Demeris

I have, because of my childlessness, been judged as LESS moral than women who have children. I lost track, decades ago, of mothers who have said to me, "You really don't understand X unless you have children," the 'X' being an issue that was always, at heart, a moral issue--not littering, or being allowed to leave work early without penalty because of their children (yes, I have picked up the slack without complaint and without being paid of women who left early), or the longing for a pet--COUNTLESS other small but at heart moral issues.

This is interesting--DH & I haven't run into this from not having children, but we have run into others suggesting that we can't have morals b/c we aren't religious! But I won't get into that...

[suegy3]

Originally Posted by Breezy Trousers

This has been an illuminating thread so far! I think Lizzo's comparison of this thread to the "are you an extrovert or introvert?" thread is spot-on.

.... Sadly, when I hear someone imply they are magically protected in old age because they have children, I immediately know that the person has never once done any serious volunteer work in a nursing home. (My two years of weekly teenage volunteer work at an "upper class" nursing home was quite an education. )

I worked in a nursing home for 13 years and MOST of the patients children or grandchildren visited them. Some would come just on a big holiday or once a month. And it wasn't because they lived far, they just didn't bother. So I feel really sorry for anyone thinking that their children will guarantee them company in their old age because chances are, they won't be around.

[JackieB]

DH and I were married for 8 years before we finally decided to have kids. I was a bit reluctant, knowing that my life was going to change. I have done daycare, coached, and taught public school. I knew what I was getting into. I love my kids and wouldn't change a thing.

Honestly, I can't believe some of the comments. My IL's used to bug us about when we were going to have kids, then when was baby #2 going to be. They scratched their heads with baby #3 and when I got my bonus baby girl, the comments come about our "huge" family.

I think that there is just way too much criticism out there. I used to work with school teachers who chose to not have kids. People would scratch theri hands and call them selfish. I don't think it's selfish to not have kids. As another person upthread mentioned...it would be worse to have kids you don't want.

We just all need to love and be tolerant...as Rodney King put it, "Can't we all just get along?" .

Jackie

[Lizzo]

Originally Posted by JackieB

I think that there is just way too much criticism out there. I used to work with school teachers who chose to not have kids. People would scratch theri hands and call them selfish. I don't think it's selfish to not have kids. As another person upthread mentioned...it would be worse to have kids you don't want.

See, comments like that boggle my mind. My best friend works with immigrant/refugee children as a case worker and recently completed graduate work so she could work with trafficked women and children. She loves kids, but doesn't want to have any...and people hold that against her. That type of judgment bothers her because she works so hard and finds enough fulfillment in just working with kids. She told me that one doesn't need to a parent to make a meaningful impact in the lives of children--in fact, many of the kids she works with have horrible parents!--and yet people's prejudices and biases make them overlook the contributions of teachers, case workers, especially if they don't have children of their own.

[violingal3]

Wow, I was just going to read the comments, but had to chime in and say, "Me, too!" I'm in my early 30s and DH and I have been together 12 years. I am an only child and just recently had the blunt talk with my mother (who is desperately waiting) to tell her I have no maternal instinct and no desire to have children, so don't wait up for us (I think she's stalling some of her life plans thinking she needs to be close by because a baby is coming). I've heard it all from just about everyone over the years...sigh...

[Diana3271]

I am also an only child. DH and I never wanted children. I also don't feel that I have any maternal instincts. Although, I feel differently about pets (dogs). My Mom always supported us and said it was our decision. My DH had a V when we were married 5 years because we didn't want to deal with BC any longer. My MIL, of course blamed it all on me and made it sound like I made her son get a V against his will. She said that I was a "greedy little girl".

[yogapam]

My DH and waited five years to have children and honestly I could have gone either way. I wholeheartedly agree that having children is a choice and not for everyone. The comments and criticism childless couples receive is so wrong. But it works both ways and I have to jump in and say that I have heard many negative, hurtful comments about children and parenthood from those who are childless and that's wrong too.

[JackieB]

Originally Posted by yogapam

My DH and waited five years to have children and honestly I could have gone either way. I wholeheartedly agree that having children is a choice and not for everyone. The comments and criticism childless couples receive is so wrong. But it works both ways and I have to jump in and say that I have heard many negative, hurtful comments about children and parenthood from those who are childless and that's wrong too.

Where is the "like" button, Pam?

J.

[SimplyGlowing]

I can also relate to being the only child and constantly being pressed by my parents . My mother recently even said that I should just have a baby and if I don't want him/her she Will raise them ....I was shocked and told her to adopt a baby if she so desperately needed one. But I refuse to go against myself to simply please others .