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Old 10-12-18, 11:31 AM  
bfit
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Struggling with fit vs attractive/young

I'm over 60, and I'm healthy and as fit as I've ever been. I can do things I wasn't able to do a few years ago, and I just finished very well in my age group at a local run. But, I just can't be happy about it as much as I should because I don't LOOK as good as I used to. I have wrinkles, gray hairs, droopy body parts, and I've just given up on ever weighing the same as I did when I was 30. How do other people cope with this? I KNOW that I'm being silly and that I should be grateful for health and fitness and a good life, BUT sometimes I'm still sad that I'm not young any more. Any thoughts?
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Old 10-12-18, 12:28 PM  
Fidget Queen
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
It's hard. It sucks. And I despise our media that has put out into the world that only super young and super beautiful women deserve anything - relationships, happiness, and health. It has seeped into all of our heads - we learn to hate ourselves, our partners are taught to only desire young women, and so we then hate ourselves even more.

I have no answer, but this is a real and hard subject that we are supposed to just gloss over with platitudes and meaningless words and fake it like it's no big deal. Maybe those of us whose relationships and other things have been personally affected are devastated more by it, but there's no glossing over it for me.

I am culling as much of that stuff out of my life as humanly possible. I try to read British books more often and watch more British shows - as they treat older/not super thin women as just as primary as young. Although, I'm sure that will be Americanized completely, as they become more popular. I have no cable. A magazine will never be in my hands ever again.

I love my workouts - but I also need to stay out of the fitness world as much as possible. My head space just needs to be used elsewhere, because it's too much. I only follow body-positive fitness/physical therapist/health people. Edit - I shouldn't say ONLY. I have my favorite instructors regardless. I try to focus on the body-positive ones.

The part I try to remember is that the majority of us are not the super young, super thin and supermodel types. The fact that our faces are buried in media/magazines/TV/movies/fitness videos all day long trick us into thinking that WE are the abhorrent, disgusting, and few. It isn't true.

10 years of desperately trying to just be healthy enough and pain-free enough to move has shifted my mindset some, too. But the same struggles are there. I just can't get rid of it because I want to

Good luck to all of us
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Old 10-12-18, 12:39 PM  
sbh
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fidget Queen View Post

10 years of desperately trying to just be healthy enough and pain-free enough to move has shifted my mindset some, too. But the same struggles are there. I just can't get rid of it because I want to

Good luck to all of us
This! 14 years ago I blew out my lower back and it changed my whole way of thinking. I'm 57 now, grey, wrinkled, and about 15 pounds overweight...per the BMI Index.
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Old 10-12-18, 03:03 PM  
Sara1000
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
It's an adjustment - Fidget Queen offers some great ideas. Our culture makes it very very hard, but keep working on developing a healthy mindset.

My focus has gradually shifted (with effort) from looking good to being as healthy and strong as possible. There are many fitness related things I can't do as well as I could 20 years ago, but some that I can. I find ways of challenging myself given my current capabilities and that is making me happy.

Good luck to us all
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Old 10-12-18, 03:29 PM  
DCW
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Join Date: Dec 2016
I signed up for Weight Training in HS looking to lose weight at 123 at 16 years old. It was a lifting weight PE class which turned into the best exercise class I ever had. Yep. We are given the Kool-Aid really young. Decades later I am no where near or want that number ever again.

My goals and plan

1. Real Role Models

Doing Classical Stretch with Miranda who is 69 and going strong.
Watching my 86 year old aunt live independently and walk up and down stairs. She came to our DD graduation and walked up 3 flights of stairs with nary a complaint at age 84.
Taking boot camp classes from my 72 year old instructor who I can’t keep up with.
My grandmother who walked and milked cows in her early 70’s

2. Being proud of me.

Heck I am more fit or just as fit as most of my co-workers who are 10+ years younger than me.
You want body parts to stand up??? As my momma use to say “foundation garments”. My mom’s girdle is now called Spanx. Ever figure out how you can’t recognize famous stars in regular clothes and no make-up. They don’t wake up looking like that. No one does.

3. Gratitude

Several HS classmates didn’t make it to their 30’s much less 50’s.
Folks would take ½ of my blessings and dance the rest of their lives.
My newest mantra courtesy of Jackie B. "Movement is a privilege. You don't have to exercise. You get to exercise. Visit a person whose mobility is severely limited, and you'll appreciate the distinction. Do what you can, count yourself lucky, heal yourself in the process." Essentrics Colorado

What I hate is facing and realizing my own mortality and the mortality of my loved ones.
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Old 10-12-18, 06:37 PM  
tiffanywu
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Join Date: Nov 2001
I'm 42 and there's (hopefully) a long way ahead and as my husband (who's 52) and I discuss semi-retirement and/or at least taking a sabbatical (and we have two kids under 7... late starters), all we can keep our fingers crossed on is not being too decrepit when the time comes to actually enjoy having more time on our hands! This means we have to try to stay relatively fit and active because my motto is "if you stop walking, you stop walking". My step-grandma lived till age 91 (and still working on her garden till a few months before she passed away) and my beloved aunt (her caregiver) is still a very busy 77-year-old who does household chores and can't seem to sit still.

As for the media pressure and popular culture, I guess I checked out of that a long time ago, not by design. I moved to the US when I was 19 and thought it would be amazing because I would finally get to watch all the latest movies and TV shows, and then somehow I got sucked into other things (working part-time, socializing over ramen at midnight, cramming for exams) while in college, and ever since then, with the exception of the time when I was following the Sopranos on HBO, I haven't really watched TV. I go to the movies a few times per month for date night with hubby, but don't read any media about celebrities, be it online or at the nail salon. I even quit reading magazines like Self, Fitness and Shape a few years ago because I found the content too repetitive (although there were usually a few good tips about new fitness fads that I enjoyed). I read the Wall Street Journal and occassionally check out Google News for breaking news items. And I only check Twitter for updates about train delays.
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Old 10-12-18, 08:10 PM  
BunnyHop
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fidget Queen View Post
... 10 years of desperately trying to just be healthy enough and pain-free enough to move has shifted my mindset some, too. But the same struggles are there. I just can't get rid of it because I want to

Good luck to all of us
This is true for me too!

Glimpsing myself in the mirror is disconcerting because I guess I still expect to see the physique I had when I was younger.

I do find it helpful that my goals have shifted. If I were still as strong as I used to be, or as agile, I guess I would have more trouble accepting the changes I can see. The changes I can feel get my attention in some uncomfortable ways, so I've had to adapt what I do.

I find my lack of stamina really discouraging, but in retrospect, I wonder how much of it I had even back when.
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Old 10-12-18, 09:18 PM  
bzar
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i notice that women who have inner beauty are naturally appealing to people of any age or gender. they have a radiance not measured by lumens, they have wisdom not measured necessarily by degrees.

where does inner beauty come from? all the answers thus posted.
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Old 10-12-18, 10:35 PM  
Helen
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Australia
When my mother's friends complained about the problems associated with getting older, she'd say: "Getting older sure beats the alternative!"
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2024: 👏 STRIVE rather than settle.👏 💪STRONG rather than soft.💪
• No exercise can compensate for a poor diet. 😖
• Walking is phenomenally good for me. 😊
• Resistance training is critical. 💯

¹ Walk first
² Weights next
³ Cardio for fun
⁴ Add stretch & balance.
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Old 10-13-18, 01:25 AM  
Jennifer R
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Location: Sonoma County, CA
Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen View Post
When my mother's friends complained about the problems associated with getting older, she'd say: "Getting older sure beats the alternative!"
As a hospice nurse, that's my go to answer as well!

That's glib, but I'm tired right not and don't feel like discussion. There is already great insight in this thread.

I'm at the "don't like it--don't look" stage of life, hit 65 this year. I get to see that I am healthy, vibrant, and fit at my age. I do work that younger people find difficult.

I don't stress about my menopause belly pooch, although I did when it first started making an appearance >20 years ago. Now I'm all about being able to sit on the floor and get up to go help someone else.
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aging, aging old gracefully, getting older, gratitude, old talk, social media, social media envy

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