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Old 02-01-22, 12:36 PM  
annette
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Ohio
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Originally Posted by gjv View Post
My father once told me, when I was about 14 or 15 years old, that it was a "good thing I was smart because I'd never get anywhere on my looks". Now if *that* doesn't stick with a young girl. Unsurprisingly we had been estranged for many years before he died in 2018.
Our fathers must have been related. Mine told me when I was around 20 and still not engaged or married, much to his dismay, that I would have a harder time finding a husband than my sister because I wasn't as pretty. I've forgiven him but haven't forgotten.
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Old 02-02-22, 06:10 AM  
gjv
 
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Originally Posted by annette View Post
Our fathers must have been related. Mine told me when I was around 20 and still not engaged or married, much to his dismay, that I would have a harder time finding a husband than my sister because I wasn't as pretty. I've forgiven him but haven't forgotten.
We could be sisters!

Another gem from my father when I was a senior in high school. "Go to college if you want but don't expect any help from me." I didn't go to college, got married at 18 years old. Good thing is, we're still married 37 yrs later!
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Old 02-02-22, 07:57 AM  
donnamp
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
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OMG - as a parent, I can't imagine saying those things to a child.

My parents were never critical of my appearance - but looking back, my Mom always had something to say about someone else's appearance - and also in looking back she definitely had disordered eating habits - always being on a diet....I remember her preparing meals but only eating a small salad. Unfortunately, I think those habits contributed to poor aging and an early death for her.

I had my issues w/ body image and food when I was younger as well - I don't want to point fingers at my mom, but probably, a little bit came from that and also from the friends/culture I surrounded myself with back then.

Fortunately much of that is gone for me now - I do have my moments - but I guess we all do.

It is very hard to change ingrained habits and messages....

Donna
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Old 02-03-22, 10:58 AM  
Leonana
 
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Originally Posted by donnamp View Post

My parents were never critical of my appearance - but looking back, my Mom always had something to say about someone else's appearance -

It is very hard to change ingrained habits and messages....

Donna
It was similar in my family, my mother and father would remark on people’s looks. My father didn’t criticize me, but didn’t compliment me either, so you would feel it was unsaid. My mother would make comments about my height, I was 5’9”. So I always felt too tall.

Two things helped me, meeting dh. He’s an inch taller than me but finds tall women attractive. I realized not everyone thinks like my mother! Also exercise made a difference. I became more confident about what my body could do compared to how it looked.
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Old 02-04-22, 08:13 PM  
DCW
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My mother always had us wear long pants or jeans when we were outside playing. She said her father our grandfather lamented about girls being injured and having scarred legs in adulthood. They were farmers with horse drawn plows, cows to milked, crops to plant and harvested. Lots of chances to hurt yourself as a child. Medical care was minimal or non-existent in the 30's and 40's for them.

That's all I got about appearance.
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