Off-Topic Big Disappointment -- It Wasn't a Friendship After All

[Gams]

Well, now that sounds a little different than your first post, although I still think there may be more to it. And the fact that he doesn’t even wave hello anymore? Odd.

[Betty Boop]

I had a similar experience, not with a neighbor, but with my former singing teacher. I had taken lessons for about 12 years. Then he moved to a city about 60 miles away. He started writing articles for his church newsletter and would email them to me. I would respond, and then the articles stopped about seven months ago. I've had no response to emails or phone calls. I know he's still there because I ran into another student of his at the annual garden show here. She's still taking lessons from him because she lives closer to his new city. She mentioned that he and his wife were involved with the local choral society and asked that I contact her by Facebook and she would give me performance details. I did but never heard back from her. I reread my emails to him to see if I had said someone offensive. Couldn't see anything that was not friendly.

[suzannaerin]

Try not to take it personally. Sounds like he was embarrassed by the situation (this possibly won’t end well, but I digress).

If he treats you this way regardless of the reason, he isn’t worth your friendship. Maybe the folks who buys his place will end up being a better neighbors and friends.

[Lannette]

This is way off in another direction but on top of a new well heeled wife, could he be dealing with the emotions of leaving his home and feel the need to do so on his own? Or be afraid of becoming emotional around you?

It doesn’t excuse his poor behavior but might put a different spin on it. Sounds like he may be coming to grips with a whole heck of a lot right now.

[Indy]

Isn't it a shame how things sometimes work out? For whatever reason this man feels it isn't worth his time to talk to you anymore and there isn't any explanation for it. I agree that if this is the way he wants to play it - don't waste any more of your energy worrying over it - he just wasn't worth it to begin with. There is probably a reason - but unless you really want to push the issue and get in his face - it isn't worth knowing why. Just know that you didn't do anything wrong and move on. I am hoping you enjoy the new neighbors and have a life long friendship with them.

[yogapam]

I’m sorry Scorpio6, it’s hard to understand what motivates people to be unkind. Two friends and I had a very hurtful experience a while back with a book club we had belonged to for several years. We were suddenly ostracized from the group without any explanation & it was very upsetting. I had know some of these people for years and called them friends. It impacts ones ability to trust in the sincerity & motives of people. (((Hugs)))

[eyefit]

Originally Posted by Gams

Without knowing more, I wouldn’t be too quick to blame the wife. He’s a big boy - for whatever reason, this is the way he wants it.

I worked with a guy once who was always bumming food off people at lunch. The women in the office felt sorry for him and would say they couldn’t believe his wife didn’t pack him a lunch every day and I would say, “But he’s 36 years old.” If a 36-year old man goes hungry because his wife didn’t pack him a lunch, well, he deserves to starve in my opinion.

Wow. That...that is extremely sexist. It always amazes me how some women can be more sexist then men, yet I see it again and again.

[eyefit]

As for the situation with the neighbor, I wouldn't take anything too personally. Like Gams said, sometimes people have their own reasons for acting a certain way and it really is just their problem and their business. It's unfortunate, but I wouldn't spend any more time worrying about it. People drift in and out of our lives all the time. It's just the way life is.

[Lannette]

I hope your new neighbors will be so amazing that this will fade into a distant memory.

[Scorpio6]

Betty Boop: Comforting to hear that you went thru a similar situation, appreciate your sharing, it's really helpful

suzannaerin: "won't end well" -- odd you would say that, hubby & I have taken bets on how long it will be before they divorce -- we think approx the 5-yr mark, esp since he's a temp/contract worker instead of a permanent employee, and even at the 5-yr mark that would have been an extended run of luck

Lannette: very perceptive comments re his emotions leaving his home under pressure and having to deal with that -- that was quite helpful, I appreciate your insight

Indy: I agree, he's not worth it, just wish we had realized it earlier before the emotional upset

yogapam: you made such very perceptive comments about trust and sincerity -- you are so right -- bc hubby & I are now afraid to make any attempt to get friendly w/ new neighbors

eyefit: it's not that we're worrying about this situation, we're hurt, and trying to figure out what we can do differently in future to prevent getting deceived like this by somebody again (end of original post) -- only thing we can come up with is to not get friendly with the neighbors