Video Fitness Forum  

Go Back   Video Fitness Forum > Video Fitness Reader Forum > General Discussion

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 10-11-11, 05:19 AM  
Lurdes
VF Supporter
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: California
Mizach, LuckyStar, and Rhbrand - thank you for expressing just what I was feeling. I'm very much "my own woman" as well, and I don't appreciate the implication that I'm not just because I value my husband's opinion and maybe even consult with him from time to time. Given how hard I've worked all my life, what I've accomplished, and how much I contribute to our household, I find the insinuation deeply insulting.

Lurdes
Lurdes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-11, 06:53 AM  
counterclockwise
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: TX
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky Star View Post
That's how I took it too.

ETA - I guess I don't find this as offensive as some of you do. I don't see this as an attempt from a man to 'control' his wife. (Now if Ruth's husband *insisted* she gain or lose weight that would be a different matter altogether.)
I totally agree, and I'm about as independent as they come.

ETA: I actually find saying things like "If my husband ever said X, he'd never do it again..." disturbing. It's like saying we have our husbands walking some kind of fine line, or we have them trained (I know some say trained in a joking way so I'm not talking about that). My hubby is of course not allowed to control me, and he never would, but I am also not allowed to control him.
counterclockwise is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-11, 06:57 AM  
Mopsy
VF Supporter
 
Mopsy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: central New York
I'm glad to see the more recent posts on this thread. I'm really starting to feel sorry for the men on this planet. It seems that they can't do (or say) anything right. If they don't notice a weight loss (or haircut), they're accused of not caring. If they mention a possible change, the woman gets all defensive. This has nothing to do with the OP, but when someone starts to gain or lose lots of weight in an unhealthy manner, the loved one may be speaking out of concern, not "control". The more I think about it, the more I believe that we are our own worst enemies.
__________________
Louise
Mopsy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-11, 09:27 AM  
ebianco
VF Supporter
 
ebianco's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: USA
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeanne Marie View Post
I guess I am just the independent sort and I took it a different way. I don't tell my DH how much he should weigh, and don't want any opinions from him on what I should weigh. I think weight is such a personal issue... definitely not the same as saying whether an article of clothing looks good or not.

Sorry for any pot stirring... I am just very much my own woman and don't look to anybody for my self assurance... even my DH of many years.
It's always nice to meet a kindred spirit Jeanne!! I'm not married (plan to be someday) but I imagine I'd feel the same way even after being married for years.
__________________
"Feel strong and beautiful. Be a Tonique woman." -Sylwia
ebianco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-11, 09:41 AM  
ebianco
VF Supporter
 
ebianco's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: USA
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mopsy View Post
I'm glad to see the more recent posts on this thread. I'm really starting to feel sorry for the men on this planet. It seems that they can't do (or say) anything right. If they don't notice a weight loss (or haircut), they're accused of not caring. If they mention a possible change, the woman gets all defensive. This has nothing to do with the OP, but when someone starts to gain or lose lots of weight in an unhealthy manner, the loved one may be speaking out of concern, not "control". The more I think about it, the more I believe that we are our own worst enemies.
I don't really think this is a fair statement, and I think you're widely generalizing both men and women. I have never relied on my significant other to notice a new haircut or weight loss. I guess I've never considered myself so dependent on a guy to validate my self worth with his noticing me. Pleasing myself is good enough for me!

I hope that one's husband (again I'm not married yet) would know his wife well enough to know which things to comment/compliment/give constructive criticism on, and which things to keep his mouth shut on...and likewise for the wife of the partnership!!! It seems like people are forever criticising my weight (whether I'm in good shape or not) and I would only hope my future husband would know well enough when to lighten up or not comment on a situation (and I would hope I would know him well enough to return that favor, be it with work, finances, or weight, whatever).

ETA: In regards to the original poster, I don't think I'd let it haunt me if my guy told me he would prefer me to gain weight, but I would much rather have my guy tell me he likes me just the way I am, instead of prefering me to alter myself in some way (gain/lose weight, longer/shorter hair, wear more of a certain color or dress up/down, etc.)
__________________
"Feel strong and beautiful. Be a Tonique woman." -Sylwia
ebianco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-11, 09:53 AM  
enduranceron
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Cromwell, CT
I don't mean to cause any more of a stir but I don't quite agree with this comment:

Quote:
His health is his problem.
I agree with this to a certain extent. But once you are in a marriage, there is also a responsiblity to each other. As we get older, those that take less care of themselves can have a negative impact on their spouse/families.

Yes, we love our significant others unconditoinally but I believe in a realtionship, both have to do things that is for the betterment of each other. Taking care of your health is one of them and I think spouses should be able to voice their concerns with each others health freely.

Of course, this is my opinion an I speaking from a health perspective (not looks).
__________________
“Security is mostly a superstition.....Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all.” – Helen Keller

"I've got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom." - Thomas Carlyle

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." - Mahatma Ghandi
enduranceron is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-11, 09:57 AM  
Lucky Star
VF Supporter
 
Lucky Star's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: A helluva town
I agree, dironstarr. My husband and I *are* each other's family, especially since neither of us have living parents. We take care of ourselves and, to a certain extent, yes of each other as well. Why not? We are devoted to each other and have been happily together for 32 years - who better to offer love, care and support?
__________________
~ Gina ~
"Remain cheerful, for nothing destructive can pierce through the solid wall of cheerfulness." ~Sri Chinmoy
"We are so fortunate that we get to exercise!" ~Erin O'Brien
Lucky Star is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-11, 11:29 AM  
fit44
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky Star View Post
Yes, I don't think that sort of interchange between husband and wife necessarily indicates a dependent nature in either.
I've been married a long time to my soul mate/best friend and we discuss everything with love, respect, admiration and support. That doesn't mean I don't have my own opinions or make my own decisions.
This is exactly how I feel. I've been married to my best friend for 30 years. I respect & trust his opinion more than anyone in this world. That doesn't make me weak or dependent, it makes me lucky.
fit44 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-11, 11:32 AM  
lundquist93
 
lundquist93's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: NC
I think it's amuzing that this thread has 6 pages of discussion when the original poster is not even asking a question or asking for advice. She ends with "I'm not worried, just puzzled". In all seriousness, what is the purpose of the post then? I don't get it. If you are puzzled, why would you ask the opinions of a forum full of fitness gals? Ask your husband.
lundquist93 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-11, 11:34 AM  
fit44
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky Star View Post
I agree, dironstarr. My husband and I *are* each other's family, especially since neither of us have living parents. We take care of ourselves and, to a certain extent, yes of each other as well. Why not? We are devoted to each other and have been happily together for 32 years - who better to offer love, care and support?
Lucky, I agree with this too!
fit44 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:48 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
© 2009 Video Fitness