Off-Topic What would you do.....

[desderata]

Lilypad - what is your husband denying? Does he say your friend sent him the photos unsolicited? If so, how did he respond? He should have a text message to her he can show you. Does he admit willingly receiving the photos but denies a sexual relationship?

If he won't be honest with you about this, that is a huge red flag. I understand you want to continue the marriage and that is a decision only you can make. I wish you the very best, no matter what you decide. You've received some very good advice in this thread.

I am so very sorry you are going through this double betrayal, and beyond sorry your daughter was the one who found them.

[txhsmom]

Originally Posted by desderata

Lilypad - what is your husband denying? Does he say your friend sent him the photos unsolicited? If so, how did he respond? He should have a text message to her he can show you. Does he admit willingly receiving the photos but denies a sexual relationship?

If he won't be honest with you about this, that is a huge red flag. I understand you want to continue the marriage and that is a decision only you can make. I wish you the very best, no matter what you decide. You've received some very good advice in this thread.

I am so very sorry you are going through this double betrayal, and beyond sorry your daughter was the one who found them.

I believe Lilypad said that her husband said the photos were sent to him by buddies as a joke.

Carol

[alisoncooks]

Originally Posted by txhsmom

I believe Lilypad said that her husband said the photos were sent to him by buddies as a joke.

Carol

Which doesn't much make sense. My DH's friends don't have nudes of other women in our circle.... And he would be horrified if one sent him such a pic (like, was this done with/out the woman's knowledge).

If this other woman is already talking up her husband with excuses and such, that says she was a willing party in something shady.

[Lilypad]

He’s denying that the pictures are of my friend. He’s not denying there were nude photos of random women in his phone. Not real women that he knows. You know how they send these memes nowadays? He sent me some of the photos that were on his phone to show me what he thought our daughter must’ve seen but my daughter described the photos that she saw on his phone and she said they were real photos. She said I can tell the difference between a real picture and a random picture.

[alisoncooks]

So here's something you know: if he's lying, he's willing to make your daughter question herself/what she saw to stay out of trouble.

If it's not your friend, why did she have her DH contact you?

[Dabbadooey]

Originally Posted by Lilypad

He’s denying that the pictures are of my friend. He’s not denying there were nude photos of random women in his phone. Not real women that he knows. You know how they send these memes nowadays? He sent me some of the photos that were on his phone to show me what he thought our daughter must’ve seen but my daughter described the photos that she saw on his phone and she said they were real photos. She said I can tell the difference between a real picture and a random picture.

Was he willing to show you the picture? If not, then you have your answer.

[cataddict]

Lilypad, I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

I see this as two different issues: one is the welfare of your daughter and how she is processing what she saw. She will be watching you to see how you handle the situation. What LynnO posted really resonated with me, so please be aware that she will learn from what you choose to do, and it can shape how she views herself and what is acceptable. There is a distinct difference between you as an adult discovering the photos yourself and your 12 year old finding them. It's a shame that she is caught in the middle of this.

The other issue is your own welfare. I understand that you have been very happy in the life that you've had. I think you need to discover whether your DH is telling the truth or not about whether the picture really is of the friend. For me, trust in a relationship is everything. If you see the picture and it is her, he needs to admit it in order for you to move forward, regardless of whatever your choices are in the relationship. If it isn't her, you need to explore why he felt he needed naked pics to begin with followed by why he kept the photos on his phone when they could be found pretty easily. To me there's a difference between looking and keeping. I agree that it doesn't make sense that the woman's husband would contact you if it wasn't her, it doesn't add up. Also please remember you can't turn back time, and things will probably not be the way they were before. Only you can decide whether you can rebuild and get past this in the best way possible for you and for your daughter.

We can all offer support, but none of us here is in your shoes. There's no easy answer that fits everyone. Best of luck to you.

[Pat58]

My heart goes out to you. And to your daughter. I wish you the best possible outcome.

[horsemom2]

Sorry you are having a difficult and painful time but only YOU can decide what is best for you and your family.

(No offense but I do not think it was wise to post this on a public forum because it is a very private matter)

Barb S

[yogapam]

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