OT - Need your words of wisdom

[Gams]

I apologize for starting an off topic thread and if it needs to be deleted, I'll understand. I'm turning to you all, though, because this is the kindest, gentlest forum I post on and I really need some words of wisdom. I know I need to break up with my boy friend, but I can't bring myself to do it. I don't know what my problem is because I never would have thought I'd let someone treat me this way and still go back for more. The situation is that I think my boy friend is possibly bipolar and may have some other issues going on. THAT I could deal with if he acknowledged he has problems, but he won't. He's a sweetheart most of the time and then he will turn into an angry yelling irrational person out of the blue. For example: One day he was working a long day and then had a meeting at night, so that morning I called him at 8:00 a.m. and told him I would make him dinner and leave it at his house so he would have something to eat when he got home. He said that was fine. At noon, he called to tell me he loved me and I thanked him and told him I loved him, too. At 4:00, he called and said he was near my house and wanted to know if I wanted him to come get the food, so I wouldn't have to deliver it and I told him it wasn't quite done, so I'd bring it over later. I ended up delivering a big pot of meatballs, a banana cream pie and a romantic card. At 8:15 p.m. he called my phone and left a voicemail message saying how he was sick of my attitude and I had done nothing but pitch fits all day and he was totally disgusted with me. I was totally shocked and confused. Now I don't try to understand, but even when things are going great, I know there is another one of these episodes right around the corner.

[Demeris]

A. Something's wrong with his hardwiring.
B. He's abusive.
C. You can love him and not want to be the object of that sort of invective.

If counseling is out of the question (couples counseling), I'd explain A-C, and then break up with him, KNOWING I couldn't go back.

That's what I'd do. You're the only one who knows what's right for you and what's right for the relationship. I wish you well and hope your decision gives you the best possible results.

[Kitten]

My advice: get away now! Break up with him and do not have contact with him again. Do not answer the phone or texts no matter what he says. I had a bf like this who ended up being my mentally and physically abusive husband for 2 years. It's a lot easier to walk away now, then go through a divorce(or worse) in the future.

[sherry7899]

Gams-I don't have advice to add from what has already been said. I am so very sorry you are going through this. I just wanted to send you some hugs
I know it is really painful to break up with someone you love, but you deserve to be treated with care and respect, and he does not seem capable of doing this. If he has refused to get help, there is nothing else you can do. He will not change. The longer it goes on, the worse it will hurt.

Kitten-I am so very sorry for what you went through.

Feel free to pm me anytime-
Hugs,
Sherry

[casey]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I can only tell you what works for me. I applied this in different situations, but they were situations where I lacked confidence and needed to make hard choices that were the right ones for my life and emotional confidence.

Ask yourself what someone would do who has a strong sense of their value and confidence. You know the answer in your heart. Then, make decisions that you believe a confident, strong person would make. As you continue to make those kind of choices, you will start to notice a change in yourself. You will become a positive, strong person. You will meet more positive people too.

Sometimes it's difficult to let go of feelings in a relationship. Just realize that the behavior of that person is not healthy for your well being and you can't be around that erratic, negative behavior anymore.

HTH Casey

[sherry7899]

Casey, you are very wise

Sherry

[Kitten]

Sherry, thank you.
Gams, feel free to pm me as well, I'll check VF often, so I can help you through this.

[Jane1721]

(((((Gams))))) I don't have much to add to the very wise and helpful advice you've already received. I just wanted to say that you seem like such a sweet person, and I'm sorry that you're in this erratic relationship. The boy I dated in college used to hit me, and I don't think that is different than the emotional abuse you described. Get out now while you can.

Kitten, hugs to you too. I'm sorry for what you went through.

[Genevieve M]

Hi,

I had a difficult relationship many years ago. When new year's came, I knew I did not want to see another year with this person. So I asked my roommates to support me while I pulled the plug. My bf was very nonchalant when I gave him his walking papers. That should tell you something.

It was not easy, but I was determined to get out of the (emotional) abuse cycle. Once I went through the mourning period, I knew I was much happier alone than being with someone who was erractic and cruel.

I have also done this with siblings. Not easy, but I have much more peace that I had in these relationships.

If not now, at some point soon, you will do this and you will be so glad you did. Good luck.

[yogapam]

Originally Posted by Kitten

My advice: get away now! Break up with him and do not have contact with him again. Do not answer the phone or texts no matter what he says. I had a bf like this who ended up being my mentally and physically abusive husband for 2 years. It's a lot easier to walk away now, then go through a divorce(or worse) in the future.

Originally Posted by Jane1721

(((((Gams))))) Get out now while you can.

(((Hugs))) to you Gams! I so agree, please don't get caught in the vicious cycle of abuse, it becomes the norm and then is so hard to get out of. Love yourself, take care of yourself, and know that you deserve to be loved and respected above all.

(((Hugs))) to you too Kitten.