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Old 08-06-20, 02:40 PM  
Mopsy
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: central New York
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sollamyn View Post
This particular friend has been one of my best friends since we were Freshmen (freshmans? ) in high school, so it's difficult for me to just write her off. We have a long shared history of friendship, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Lately, I've been feeling like we don't have that much in common anymore, though. However, I have very few friends who live anywhere near me now, so...I'd hate to lose her, too. My approach to this situation must be handled delicately. I may not be giving her enough credit, though. I will hope for the best and that it all goes smoothly when I make my case: Either no more rides (after tomorrow when I see her again) or we wear masks and don't go to lunch. I don't expect her to change her lifestyle and I can't reasonably be expected by her to change my current preferences (social distancing/masking).

Thanks for all of your support, fellow VFers!

Donna
I'm not sure anyone was suggesting writing off the friendship. It sounds cliched, but the friendship has to go both ways and I would hope she understands your concerns. Maybe put it in the context of your mother and other compromised family members, not her socializing. I have physical therapy twice a week and they take my temperature each time I walk in the door. I'm not sure how much that actually helps, but if they do the same to her, maybe you'll have an early warning if something comes up.
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Old 08-07-20, 05:15 PM  
DCW
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I made walking a priority today. I also stopped working on time and started my weekend.

Regarding driving, don't explain and give excuses.

I am so sorry I won't be able to drive you after x day. I know you depended on me but I am unable to do it anymore. Why not? I am willing to help you find someone else but I can't. I am sorry I won't be able to drive you. I know it's disappointing but how can I help you find someone else. Do you want me to help you ask and name the people who have been visiting her.

My measly 2 cents worth.
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Old 08-08-20, 07:31 AM  
Pat58
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Our heat wave let up enough that I could walk outside, and so I went to the beach last night to walk. It was heavenly. I took a couple bench breaks just to look at the water, birds, and the ferries going by.

Donna, you have every right to ask her to wear a mask in your car. If she's a friend she will understand.

Would it be too cumbersome for her to get in the back seat? You have more distance between you that way. If you just say matter of factly instead of asking, "I don't feel comfortable right now unless we do it this way" she should be alright - or she'll get over it eventually. I'm sure she's grateful for your taking her there and back and will comply. If she won't - well DCW certainly gave a valid option. You and your family come first.

Good luck with this situation. People are getting overconfident. My neighbor had a backyard party with about 20 people last night. She arranged the tables into a big square, but everyone was seated right next to each other and nobody was wearing a mask. I couldn't believe my eyes.
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Old 08-08-20, 08:08 AM  
Sollamyn
 
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Join Date: Jun 2004
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Well, she said she would just drive herself, even though she hasn't been cleared to drive by her doctor yet. Hopefully, that will come soon! She is feeling a lot better, though, and the p.t. place is just a 2-minute drive from her house. She was a little miffed, I could tell, but she took the news pretty well and said she would keep in touch and let me know how things were going. I suggested that we get together for a drink sometime. There is a nice wine bar in her town with a very pleasant outdoor seating area. I can manage something like that without feeling compromised, I think (I haven't done anything like that, yet, though.) Anyway--I think she and I will be okay.

Now--just wish the rest of this country would take similar precautions so we can minimize our losses and recover our normalcy (whatever that will be post-pandemic).

Donna
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Old 08-08-20, 09:24 AM  
DCW
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I am glad it worked out for you in the end.

My treat was sleep. Last night I was in bed real early. I slept really well and now plan on moving my regular bed time up.
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Old 08-08-20, 10:17 AM  
Pat58
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Good to hear it worked out!

Now that is self care at its finest.
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Old 08-08-20, 01:59 PM  
Vantreesta
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Snowman Land :) MN
Quote:
Originally Posted by BunnyHop View Post
I've been struggling to meditate for a long time. I know it has benefits that I need, but somehow have trouble.

Lately, my workaround is to call it 'breathing exercises' instead. Several times a day I do four or five rounds of the 4-7-8 type breathing. It makes a huge difference in my anxiety level.

Still haven't managed to return to a seated meditation practice though.

Anybody else found useful workarounds for resistant minds? I need to get back in the fitness groove. (Finally quit the gym. Couldn't see that I'd feel safe on a treadmill any time soon.)
I have to say, I have been *listening* to meditations rather than doing seated meditation. Maybe that is smthg to try to get started? By this I mean I listen to an app or smthg while I am doing smthg else. I don't feel I get the full benefit this way but I think I get smthg and most of the time I can keep my mind focused on it if my hands are busy so I usually do it while making and eating breakfast. I have problems with time mgmt so I'm struggling to find the time for seated undistracted meditation but I feel like what I'm doing is a bridge till I can get there, if that makes sense.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DCW View Post
Wishing you well and a speedy recovery on your upcoming surgery.

I have decided to start using all of the fragrances and lotions I have daily. No more special occasions or only when I go to work. Every day I pick one to wear just for me to smell good.
I'm trying to remember to do this too. I have so many lotions and some were my mom's so using those feels like a connection to her. And I just smell pretty. I've also been trying to remember to burn candles.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Demeris View Post
Many of the studies on the salutary effects of meditation included prayer, which is NOT a clearing of the mind but a calming of the thoughts and focusing on, in Christian prayer, God.

What the researchers have found is that any meditative practice—prayer, knitting, guided meditation, drawing, coloring, journaling, crochet, whittling — these all have the same physiological and psychological benefits.

I'm writing this for those of you who are struggling to find time to meditate. There are other activities that will bring about the same physical and emotional benefits as meditation, and you might turn to them with less resistance.
I think this is a great point. Meditation can take different forms. We can sit quietly breathing allowing thoughts to just drift by. One I listened to this week described it as sitting beside the road watching cars drive by, not engaging the cars, not judging them, just watching. Some days there are a lot of cars and some days the road is quiet. We can also be mindful and focused on what we're doing, whether it's a hobby or washing dishes or exercising.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vintage VFer View Post
DCW and Donna, thanks for the good wishes! I would have some anxiety about any surgery. The current conditions make having a medical procedure even more stressful.


So true! I meditated every morning for over three years and then fell of the wagon. For all the great benefits, it didn't help my insomnia. After tossing and turning half the night recently, I just want to get out of bed ASAP in the morning and have my tea.

I still keep up with deep breathing. I will try to slow my mind and enjoy the taste of food and beverages.

I have kept up with some relaxing, creative crafts that cheer me up.
Alta, hope all goes well with the cataract surgery. As far as insomnia, I am still having sleep quality (and quantity but that's all my own fault) issues but I do think falling asleep to nature sounds and binaural beats is helping me feel more rested for the next day.
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Old 08-08-20, 02:17 PM  
Vantreesta
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Snowman Land :) MN
Last Friday and two nights this week I stayed up till 1 AM. Why? No good reason that I know of. Thursday I wasn't at all sleepy but if I had tried a different activity or at least turned off the overhead lights I think I would have started feeling it. This morning I took Cyric out at 7 and then went back to bed. I never heard the alarm and got up at 10! It felt so good. Of course it meant our walk was very short bc it was already hot by the time we went.

I don't remember if I mentioned that journaling has been suggested to me and I am always resistant for some reason. I decided instead of forcing myself to do it, for now I will sort of do it in the form of writing notes to my mom and mother-in-law since i can no longer text them all my random thoughts like I used to. I have only managed to do it a couple days but I like the idea of it. Hopefully I will increase the frequency of it.

I made a spreadsheet (bc I geek out on that stuff) for a quick tracking of what meditation and Bible study apps I use each day. I keep notes in a journal of it all but I like the quick visual of a spreadsheet. I'm going to try this with cleaning tasks too, I think. All the little checked boxes make me feel good so I really hope it works with cleaning, my one job and I'm not good at it!

I'm watching and listening to all the baseball I possibly can. Usually I only really watch my two teams and playoffs but I'm watching anybody this season!
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"No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everybody on the couch."
"God, please help me to be the person my dog thinks I am."
"You can't run from your problems. But you'll both feel a little lighter when you get back." ~New Balance shoe ad
You don't have to be fast, just keep moving forward.
Note to self: You don't get to complain about things you won't work to change!
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Old 08-08-20, 02:24 PM  
Demeris
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vantreesta View Post

I'm watching and listening to all the baseball I possibly can. Usually I only really watch my two teams and playoffs but I'm watching anybody this season!
Baseball has to be my favorite non prayer form of meditation.
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Old 08-08-20, 02:47 PM  
Vantreesta
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Snowman Land :) MN
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demeris View Post
Baseball has to be my favorite non prayer form of meditation.
People think it's so weird when I say it relaxes me even if I'm on the edge of my seat yelling at my guys to win! Today I'm combining it with crocheting a hat and I'm fixing to make some green tea for a relaxation triple play!
__________________
"No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everybody on the couch."
"God, please help me to be the person my dog thinks I am."
"You can't run from your problems. But you'll both feel a little lighter when you get back." ~New Balance shoe ad
You don't have to be fast, just keep moving forward.
Note to self: You don't get to complain about things you won't work to change!
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