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Old 10-04-20, 05:55 PM  
txhsmom
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Susan,

I am so sorry for your loss - losing a parent is hard, and honestly I can't imagine the strain of losing a parent in the manner that you lost your mother. Please don't expect yourself to be back to "normal" soon. Please talk to a counselor or trusted clergy member who can help you process this loss. Don't try to handle it all by yourself.

Prayers,

Carol
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Old 10-04-20, 05:56 PM  
annette
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Susan - I am so sorry for you and your entire family. I experienced a suicide in our family 2 years ago, my sister's husband who was also my husband's best friend. From experience I can say do not put too much pressure on yourself to feel a certain way. The grief is like a wave, it ebbs and flows. Some days you think you're okay and the next you don't want to get out of bed.

I think we so want to feel better that we try to rush through the grief but unfortunately we can't. My sister and husband have talked with therapists and I believe talking to someone outside of the situation helps although I know it isn't for everyone.

There are forums on the internet for suicide survivors and I know my sister has found one that's been helpful. I can't think of the name right now. If you're interested feel free to PM me and I'll get it for you.

Virtual hug and prayers for your healing.
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Old 10-04-20, 06:13 PM  
athompson10
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Susan, I am so sorry to hear about your mom's passing. What a hard time for you and your family.

I agree with the other advice that self-care during grief is hard. Sometimes it's eating your feelings, sometimes it's exercise, sometimes sleep.

Rather than setting firm goals, I'd make a mini-goal to take it a day at a time. See how you feel when you get up. Can you commit to a healthy breakfast, or a workout? Fine, then do it. If you get up and think, nah, not today, go with that. If you feel more energized that afternoon, tackle a workout then. If not, fine.

Gradually you will incorporate your mourning into your life. It sounds like the habits you had before your mom's death were good ones, and when your body and mind are ready to resume them, you will.

Hugs to you.
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Old 10-04-20, 06:18 PM  
DCW
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Susan, I am so sorry.

Prayers for your healing and strength through this time.
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Old 10-04-20, 06:19 PM  
eventmom
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wow! this is hugely traumatic. I'm about to type - I'm sorry this happened to you knowing that it seems useless to say. I will say, I think way more than a month is needed to even start to deal with something like this.
I second everyone's advice to seek support either through a group or a therapist.
Take care of yourself however you can.
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Old 10-04-20, 06:45 PM  
Paine
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Susan, I feel for you and I'm so sorry about your mom! ((HUGS!!)) Do whatever you need to do to get through this difficult time. I was depressed for a couple years after my mom died (I was really close to her) and my mother didn't die in a tragic way like your mom did. If you are open to therapy, give it a try so you will have some support through this tough time.
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Old 10-04-20, 07:40 PM  
wendug
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Susan- I am so sorry for your loss. Having dealt with suicide of a friend, I found comforting words from what his girlfriend said to me at the time. She said, "Chris was in so much pain that he thought this was the only way out. He is no longer in pain, and for that I am thankful." Remember the good times, grieve, and take it one day at a time. You'll have good and bad days. If you feel up for a workout on a good day, great, go for it. But if you're feeling down and not up to a workout, don't worry about it. And I agree that a support group or a therapist would be helpful to work out your feelings. I'm wishing you all the best!
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Old 10-04-20, 07:47 PM  
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Susan, such a shock for you! I can't imagine what you are going through. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
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Old 10-04-20, 07:47 PM  
Vantreesta
 
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Susan, I am so sorry. I know the grief of losing a parent but I have no experience with the way you lost your mom. I agree with others to take it one day at a time.

I lost my mother-in-law in March and my mom in April and was very close to both of them. I felt like I was dealing with everything pretty well, spending a lot of time listening to meditations and doing Bible study, long walks with my dog, trying to workout, doing support groups. I haven't cried very much yet. I am obsessed with baseball so I was so happy when the season finally started and was glued to it as usual. But this week when my team was eliminated I just crashed and cried and realized I have been hiding behind baseball the past few months instead of truly dealing with my feelings. All that is just to say that it is so easy to not allow that space to grieve and to feel like you have to just push through no matter what. Be kind with yourself and allow the feelings to come as they will. Sending you prayers and hugs as you work through this trauma and grief.
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Old 10-04-20, 07:58 PM  
tiffanywu
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Omigosh, I'm so sorry about your loss. I can't imagine how hard it's been -- my sister's husband died suddenly in June and it took her three months to unravel what caused it/contributed to it (it turns out there were a lot of things she didn't know about him despite having been married for six years and having known him when he was her first love decades ago) -- so it was literally a day by day, week by week journey through shock, loss, mourning, grieving, confusion, questioning, wondering, anger, and then some. She relied on her "personal priest" (a very dear friend from her college days who is an ordained priest in Australia) to counsel her daily on WhatsApp and I listened/tried to help in small ways by being available for her to share her raw and ever-changing feelings and newly discovered facts with me a few times per week (after spending two weeks with her in the UK... had to fly there and it was the strangest experience to go from SFO to LHR amidst the empty hallways, lounges and airplanes). She is giving herself time -- a year -- to figure things out and not make any big (emotionally driven) decisions till she's had a chance to process things, really work through the roller coaster. They had planned to move back to Hawaii just three weeks before his death so she stuck with the plan and made it back to the US very recently.
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