Video Fitness Forum  

Go Back   Video Fitness Forum > Video Fitness Reader Forum > General Discussion

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 05-20-20, 12:24 PM  
eam531
VF Supporter
 
eam531's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Buffalo, NY
Fit shaming is definitely a thing, and not only for women (although I think it affects women a lot more).

I remember one time in the early 70s, my older brother came home for a visit. He was never overweight at all (few people were in the late 60s/early 70s) but he had changed the way he ate and got into yoga and a lot of bike riding. My father commented to me, "your brother looks so gaunt!" Well, actually, no, Dad, he looked lean and really fit.

I followed in my brother's footsteps when I left home in the late 1970s, and I too was called 'gaunt'. I was eating a lot differently than my parents did, and I had taken up running, and then aerobics classes at my university, and bike riding, and later on, yoga and weight training. I wasn't overweight before; more like de-conditioned and a bit puffy, and my face was round. The puffiness disappeared and I discovered I had cheekbones under the puppy fat.

Lots of people over the years have said stuff like "oh, you're lucky, you don't need to watch your weight." Or even worse, "you don't need to exercise." ??!! Well, actually, I do. If I didn't limit treats and I ate everything I wanted to eat in the amounts I wanted to eat, I would gain weight. If I didn't exercise, I'd be weak and feel terrible.

It bothers me that the discipline that it takes to maintain my dietary and exercise program isn't recognized. I'm not in a state of white-knuckled deprivation, but if I want to keep looking and feeling like I do, I have to watch what I eat and get enough exercise. Kind of like that Beachbody slogan: Decide. Commit. Succeed. Years ago, when I did the first two things, the success followed.

About what to say to encourage someone who is losing weight or starting an exercise program--I guess I would make it more about their work ethic and determination as opposed to making it all about their appearance, as if appearance is the most important thing. It takes work to make lifestyle changes, and maybe acknowledging that might be helpful. Or, just asking the person how you could best support them in their lifestyle changes.
__________________
Betsy

There is no way of telling people they are all walking around shining like the sun--Thomas Merton

People have done all kinds of remarkable things because they thought they could. People routinely fail to do quite ordinary things because they assume they can't--Reinhard Engels

Stay gold, Ponyboy--S.E. Hinton

Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try--Ryan Bingham

Disclosure: I have a personal relationship with a fitness instructor who has appeared in some videos.
eam531 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-20-20, 06:41 PM  
VainJane
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taiga View Post
I had one woman recently tell me that she could not neglect her family by working out the way that I do.
Wow, that's a whole other level of passive-aggressiveness, and goes way beyond fit shaming IMO. I guess some women feel that if they can't "compete" with another woman in looks they have to attack her in the most hurtful way possible.
VainJane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-20-20, 09:47 PM  
Leonana
 
Leonana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Arizona
I'm always glad when someone becomes more fit because of health reasons. I hate to think of losing friends and family at a young age due to ill health. And I know they would probably feel better too. You'd think Adele's fans would be happy that she will be around longer to sing for them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vintage VFer View Post
I've told this story before. I was at a T-Tapp class led by Teresa herself. A heavy woman came up to me, looked me up and down and said, "You don't belong here." I wasn't sure what she meant and was a bit stunned. I forgot my reply. Something like, "Well, I'm trying to firm up." She then said, "No, you really don't belong here."

That felt great. Not!
Wow, how horribly rude! I guess she was insecure, but that's still no excuse.
__________________
Sherry
Leonana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-20, 12:08 AM  
Taiga
 
Join Date: May 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by VainJane View Post
Wow, that's a whole other level of passive-aggressiveness, and goes way beyond fit shaming IMO. I guess some women feel that if they can't "compete" with another woman in looks they have to attack her in the most hurtful way possible.
And I wish that was not the case. She felt pressured by just standing in the room with anybody fit or energetic. I totally get that. While I generally maintain baseline fitness, I've been optimally fit and less than fit depending on schedule demands. I want people to feel my kindness towards them regardless of my or their appearance. Society teaches certain groups to expect criticism and I think some people just go on the offensive to protect themselves. If that woman truly understood how much I wanted both of us to feel valued and relaxed, I'm sure she would not feel the need to say such things.
__________________
Taiga
Taiga is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-20, 06:28 PM  
MoFirmer
 
Join Date: May 2009
I went to a kickboxing class that a friend of mine was teaching and she invited me. When I got there and was talking to her a woman in the front row said to her friend "I hate it when people who don't need to work out show up to our class." To which my friend said "Well actually she went through breast cancer and what got her through was her fitness level and her dedication to being healthy no matter what." The woman responded by giving me a dirty look and said "Whatever".
__________________
DISCLOSURE: I have a professional relationship with a seller or producer of fitness videos or products. For details, please see my profile.
MoFirmer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-20, 07:30 PM  
fanofladyvols
 
fanofladyvols's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Modify City, State of Fierce
MoFirmer thank you for letting us know you're a survivor and how you continue to be committed to self-care.
__________________
Don't just work hard, work smart....Pat Head Summitt

Never give up on your body!-- Miranda Esmonde-White

Word/Guiding Principle for 2024: Embrace: embrace my faith, my family, my friends, myself, the process, the progress, the hard work, the strength program I choose, the recovery methods and rest I need, my life, the good times, and the memories of good people.
fanofladyvols is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-20, 07:53 PM  
sherry7899
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoFirmer View Post
I went to a kickboxing class that a friend of mine was teaching and she invited me. When I got there and was talking to her a woman in the front row said to her friend "I hate it when people who don't need to work out show up to our class." To which my friend said "Well actually she went through breast cancer and what got her through was her fitness level and her dedication to being healthy no matter what." The woman responded by giving me a dirty look and said "Whatever".
Wow, what a mean spirited person! I am sorry that happened to you. I cannot believe how nasty people can act.
__________________
"Say you are tired and you will be. Believe you are strong and you are." (Sean O'Malley)

The cat in my avatar is my sweetheart named Bonkers
sherry7899 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-20, 10:04 PM  
Leonana
 
Leonana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Arizona
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoFirmer View Post
I went to a kickboxing class that a friend of mine was teaching and she invited me. When I got there and was talking to her a woman in the front row said to her friend "I hate it when people who don't need to work out show up to our class." To which my friend said "Well actually she went through breast cancer and what got her through was her fitness level and her dedication to being healthy no matter what." The woman responded by giving me a dirty look and said "Whatever".
It always surprises me that people can't see that their statements are so illogical. How does looking fit mean you don't need to workout, when you become fit by working out!

That's awesome that your fitness helped you beat breast cancer.
__________________
Sherry
Leonana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-20, 10:35 PM  
MoFirmer
 
Join Date: May 2009
Awww thanks guys! I am inspired daily by this board and my friends I met through the FIRM boards. I knew going through cancer that showing up for myself every day was important not only for me but for my family.

I must admit I got derailed on my fitness when my son was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Needless to say it was MUCH easier to fight my cancer than to watch my son battle it. I stress ate. But am almost back at my "fighting" weight!

Health is a precious thing that some would give their eye teeth to have.
__________________
DISCLOSURE: I have a professional relationship with a seller or producer of fitness videos or products. For details, please see my profile.
MoFirmer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-22-20, 06:28 AM  
Gams
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
It sure would be nice if people kept their opinions about other people’s bodies to themselves. When I was in my 20’s I was anorexic and there were people who congratulated me and told me to keep up the good work even though I was 5’ 4” tall and weighed 80 lbs. and some people I knew told me it was good I had lost weight because I used to be fat even though the heaviest I had ever weighed at that point was 110 lbs. I even had a couple friends start arguing about my weight right in front of me.

Anyone remember when Elizabeth Hurley said if she was as fat as Marilyn Monroe had been, she’d kill herself?
Gams is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
body comments, fit-shaming, weight loss

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:49 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
© 2009 Video Fitness