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Old 05-19-20, 09:11 PM  
bfit
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
I think there is definitely fit shaming. I remember people criticizing Michelle Obama because she was supposedly too muscular and manly in her upper body. I think people do this because at some level they are envious of fit people, and they make themselves feel better by criticizing. Also, I'm fit and petite, and people are always saying things like "OMG, you're so small. How much do you weigh?" I think it's really rude to ask someone how much they weigh under any circumstances.
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Old 05-19-20, 09:52 PM  
SEV
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
I will never understand this! Why is it ok to criticize others about their weight? Or, someone's body shape, which we have no control over.

I get so frustrated at the importance people place on beauty. I've heard news anchors talking about something hard a person was going through and implying that because they were beautiful this shouldn't have happened to them??!!
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Old 05-20-20, 08:32 AM  
leigh1673
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Adele looks amazing and <bleep> anybody who says otherwise.

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Originally Posted by Terry View Post
It is considered wrong to say: Too fat. It is considered right to say: You need to eat something. I do not understand why it is OK to criticize thin people.

I learned when I was 16 that my skeletal structure, waaaaay left on the bell curve, looks awful with even just 5 or 6 pounds of excess fat. I took that off and kept it off.

I learned when I was in my 40s, by reading on forums, that I'm not even a "real woman". Wow! That was a surprise. I thank all of "them" for letting me know that I am not real. I am glad they made me face the truth about myself, and I know that at least I serve a purpose by letting them compare themselves, then be thankful that they don't "look like a twig" the way I do.

I honestly don't care what "they" think about how I look. I prove this daily by never wearing makeup or nail polish and by letting my hair go to a bad color mix of gray and mousy brown thanks to us remodeling both bathrooms; not taking dye into our now-expensive bathrooms and not paying for a pro job. It is the double-standard that annoys the crud out of me because it is irrational. This annoyance, I know, is my problem. Just having a temper tantrum about it at the moment.
While it's not right to criticize anybody's appearance, skinny-shaming and fat-shaming are not the same thing. No matter what anybody says, in our society, thin = good and fat = bad.
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Old 05-20-20, 11:06 AM  
Vintage VFer
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I've told this story before. I was at a T-Tapp class led by Teresa herself. A heavy woman came up to me, looked me up and down and said, "You don't belong here." I wasn't sure what she meant and was a bit stunned. I forgot my reply. Something like, "Well, I'm trying to firm up." She then said, "No, you really don't belong here."

That felt great. Not!
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Old 05-20-20, 11:15 AM  
Taiga
 
Join Date: May 2006
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Originally Posted by leigh1673 View Post
While it's not right to criticize anybody's appearance, skinny-shaming and fat-shaming are not the same thing. No matter what anybody says, in our society, thin = good and fat = bad.
Times are changing. What media refers to as the "fat acceptance movement" has definitely had an effect on challenging that. I think there was a great opportunity to celebrate diversity and dump the shallowness that allows society to grade women like they are livestock. Instead, the movement has become in part a backlash of cruelty and a celebration of poor health. If you lose weight or pursue healthy habits, you're vain and guilty of sabotaging "body positivity" for women. Forbid that you should decline a piece of cake at a social function. Sometimes it is less threatening to just take the cake and secretly dump it in the trash rather than endure the comments now. I had one woman recently tell me that she could not neglect her family by working out the way that I do. Yeah, my family is still snoring when I finish my workout. And the energy I earn helps me to do better things for them. I am not a bad mother or wife because I work out. Do your own thing and leave me be.

I do understand some of the reason for the backlash. People are sick and tired of being JUDGED. They just want to go about their business without being made to feel crummy. And in truth, if you aren't in a current mindset to take care of your health, it can feel demoralizing to watch others do it. I think most of us have been there--life happens and it can be hard to stay above water at times let alone thrive. Society fuels food addiction to the level of insanity while guilting us for being gluttons and shaming us to the point that we'll buy anything to escape the emotional turmoil of it all. And we still have jobs, kids and ailing parents etc. The pressure can be a bit much!

After seeing a recent media blurb, I had an acquaintance say that she didn't feel all that bad seeing "thin oppressors" getting a taste of their own medicine. She's struggling with her diabetes and recently added insulin. She has gained so much weight in the past year and is completely stressed out about increasing health issues. It seems to be a vicious cycle and I feel bad for her. She will make off-handed remarks about my body, lunch foods, walking more when I can etc. I know she is struggling so my responses are kind but I would be skewered if I made similar comments about her choices.

I think what we really need is a "celebration of health and compassion" movement. Life is beautiful and we are carrying far too much baggage. People are always better when they just feel loved. They are far more likely to take better care of themselves without the crushing stress of disapproval. We all see the stories about body transformations inspired by rejection or bullying. But I question the value of that. We don't need people who are obsessed with gaining adoration or avoiding cruelty. We need a sense of community that encourages mental and physical health.
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Old 05-20-20, 11:38 AM  
zoegirl
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Texas
I have a question. I have a friend who has been losing weight (she is trying to). Is it ok to comment and try to encourage her? I love her and think she is beautiful no matter what size she is. How do you encourage someone who is trying to lose weight?
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Old 05-20-20, 11:55 AM  
Erica H.
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
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Originally Posted by zoegirl View Post
I have a question. I have a friend who has been losing weight (she is trying to). Is it ok to comment and try to encourage her? I love her and think she is beautiful no matter what size she is. How do you encourage someone who is trying to lose weight?
This is really difficult because it depends on the person. I am extremely uncomfortable with anyone commenting on my body size, but I know someone who gets upset if she is losing weight by dieting and no one comments on the changes.

I had someone comment that I was looking "fit" and I was more comfortable with that than other comments, but I still prefer for people just to not say anything at all.

Erica
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Old 05-20-20, 12:01 PM  
Taiga
 
Join Date: May 2006
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Originally Posted by zoegirl View Post
I have a question. I have a friend who has been losing weight (she is trying to). Is it ok to comment and try to encourage her? I love her and think she is beautiful no matter what size she is. How do you encourage someone who is trying to lose weight?
For close friends, I hold nothing back. We talk about everything and I mostly express genuine happiness over improved health and the chance at a longer life and friendship. For everyone else, I never broach the topic. If they bring it up, I will often say that their energy and smile reflect their recent efforts. I really want to be supportive without fueling the whole beauty/body obsession or opening up a can of worms.

Personally, I agree with Erica. I don't like people commenting on my body, though I try to be as polite as possible and respect their intentions.
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Old 05-20-20, 12:08 PM  
bee
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zoegirl View Post
I have a question. I have a friend who has been losing weight (she is trying to). Is it ok to comment and try to encourage her? I love her and think she is beautiful no matter what size she is. How do you encourage someone who is trying to lose weight?
I know this awkwardness! I have a friend that I went through this with -- it actually first started with her husband giving updates, which I really felt awkward about!! But then she was giving updates, too...... to me that indicated she wanted kudos and positive feedback, so I gave it, gladly, but it did feel really awkward to me. As Erica said, I think it just depends on the person.... if it seems like your friend is wanting some strokes, go for it. Otherwise maybe just ask supportive questions about how it's going.

And a big +1 "like" to Taiga's spot-on post.

Vintage, I cannot believe that happened to you at a T-tapp class -- that's horrible!!
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Old 05-20-20, 12:19 PM  
Nuggie's Auntie
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: I love that dirty water...
Quote:
Originally Posted by zoegirl View Post
I have a question. I have a friend who has been losing weight (she is trying to). Is it ok to comment and try to encourage her? I love her and think she is beautiful no matter what size she is. How do you encourage someone who is trying to lose weight?
Whether or not you comment that you have noticed she's smaller, maybe ask her how she feels. Is she feeling good? More energetic? Sleeping well? Enjoying any new recipes that she might like to share?

I'm like the others in that I prefer people don't comment on my body size--one way or the other. I know some people who really want you to notice if they've lost weight, so I try to keep the focus on wellness, not how you look.
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