somewhat OT: not sure what to do about rude woman at water aerobics class

[jusca]

how awful you have to experience that bully. I think the advice above is perfect. I hope it helps. I can't recommend anything cause I'm the quiet type--there's nothing to talk about, I simmer and snap. Miss Bully would be discovering how long she could hold her breath. All joking aside, I've learned that it's best to nip situations like this immediately to let the offender know you won't tolerate the behavior. It's never too late to stand up and redefine your boundaries.

[little bird]

Since she is calling you out in class. Flip the switch and put her on the defensive. The next time she does this. Ask her so that the other class members can hear. Ask her something like "Who pi$$ed in you Wheaties this morning? If she has any sense she should realize that she is being rude.

[furmomof6]

I love water aerobics! I couldn't imagine someone in my class doing that. I'm sorry you're having this issue. I haven't read the other responses but this is my personal opinion. I say you should confront her privately first and tell her how you feel. No need to stoop to her level and do it in public or even disrespectfully. If, however, she doesn't take to heart what you are saying privately and continues to harass you, then I would take it to the instructor and see if the instructor will approach her with you to confront her again. If he or she doesn't want to get involved or help, the pool must have a manager or some sort of director you could also let know if she won't stop. I wouldn't stop going to the class because of her though. I hope you can get this resolved as her behavior is really out of line and very immature.

[Dabbadooey]

I would not go to her directly. You never know how someone may react. I would go to the instructor and ask him/her to handle it.

[Lucky Star]

Originally Posted by little bird

Since she is calling you out in class. Flip the switch and put her on the defensive. The next time she does this. Ask her so that the other class members can hear. Ask her something like "Who pi$$ed in you Wheaties this morning? If she has any sense she should realize that she is being rude.

Seriously, what an awful woman! I'm not great at confrontations, but I might just respond similarly. Like the next mean comment, I might calmly say "Wow, do you enjoy being so rude?!" in front of everyone.

One question I'm curious about: how does everyone else react when this woman fires off her nasty remarks? Do they look annoyed, embarrassed, do they laugh as well? It helps to know how supported you'd feel if/when you call her out.

ETA - You have to somehow fix this - enlist the instructor if you need to - and please don't quit the class!

[deineira]

Originally Posted by Dabbadooey

I would not go to her directly. You never know how someone may react. I would go to the instructor and ask him/her to handle it.

This is tough. I'm in HR, and when people have conflicts with their coworkers, I encourage them to speak directly with each other. I feel in this case, you have a bit less control over the situation and there are fewer known parameters. She's a strange person in an environment where there are no stakes for her behavior, or misbehavior, so what's her real incentive to respond respectfully to you? I would start a discussion with the instructor and see what options there are. I would also alert the manager of the club that the instructor is allowing this type of behavior in a class. That is not appropriate either, and she should have confronted it from the get go.

I wish you luck in resolving this horrible situation and I'm sorry that you have to experience this.

[summer breeze]

If someone makes a snide remark to me, even if they think they're being funny, I usually come right back at them with a similar remark. They usually back right off if they see you're not upset and you'll go right back at them. I guess it's something that should have been done right from the start but I don't think it's too late now to just stand right back up to her. It's really a shame some people have to put other people down to feel good about themselves but that's what bullies are all about.

[mandie123]

Don't quit over some jerk!Confront her! Somewhat on the same line,-I had a superviser years ago that always gave me a hard time,tried so hard to be extra nice to her to no avail.Finally one day I cornered her alone and asked her what was her prob?Why was she so rude to me,she just looked at me and said"I just don't like you".True story,we never became any type of friends after that,but she stopped being mean,I think because I finally called her out on it,so I say don't stop the class just because of that one person,you need to confront her!

[bearcatfan]

This is how I respond to people who do that to me, each and every time:

"That's nice."

It's really not a response, or even an answer. And it can be interpreted as "man, you are being a #$*&" or "oh, what a lovely comment." It knocks them off their game, and they spend time wondering what you meant by that. They can't say it was nasty, because it wasn't. Confuse your enemy, and you've won.

Now, I'm no shrinking violet so I don't think anyone would dare say anything like that to me more than once. But it stinks that she feels she can say something like that during a fairly vulnerable situation (bathing suits -- eek!).

There is the small possibility she is socially awkward, either through some syndrome or just not well-mannered, and is not trying to be rude or mean. But still ....

[antbuko]

Be direct. Ask her if she has a problem with you. When she says no, ask her to please stop. Get her alone so that there is no chance of her trying to loop a room full of people in on your conversation. She's bullying you.