Please see a lawyer, IN SECRET, immediately. Hopefully you will see a lawyer before he does. You need to be prepared so that you are financially taken care of. Do not delay, keep it under your hat that you went to a lawyer to get information in your behalf. Don't tell him unless he refuses counseling (like my ex did) and it's obvious he would not give up the other woman. Then have the papers drawn up for him to sign and don't tell him until the papers are ready.

This is what I did and I have never regretted it, and the financial situation for me was as good as could be expected considering our finances at the time. Whoever files first has the advantage. Don't hide yourself from reality because the way the world is, is different from what we'd like it to be.

Hugs. Keep us posted, we care about you.

I agree. I'm always surprised at how quickly and easily people discard their relationships.

But the sad reality is that often relationships are discarded without women having any choice in the matter. In which case I agree it's better to be prepared and armed with knowledge. Again, I'm hoping for the best for Lilypad.

Also agree, especially if the relationship is a good one. Also, nude photos do not mean an infidelity... maybe only a flirtation... the friend maybe sent them to him and he is innocent.. but also maybe not. The last thing I would do is go to a lawyer at this stage of the game. And if something did happen, talk about it, affairs happen all the time, big whoop... if a relationship is strong it is something that can be worked through if both parties love each other and want to work it out.

I am so sorry that you and your family are in this situation.

If you have access to an Employee Assistance Program, I suggest you call and set up an appointment to be seen by a counselor. This is a rough time and a 3rd party can help you navigate thru this storm and especially help you with your child.

Hugs.

I'm sorry this is happening to you!
My advice would be for you guys to talk about how you both want to proceed. Whether it is calling a lawyer or a therapist, make sure you both are on the same page.
Best of luck to you.
Lorrie

I do not have any advice, but I wanted to send you some hugs and say I am sorry you are going through this.

I sent you a pm.

Same here, take care of yourself and your daughters. (((hugs)))

Lilypad - obviously, strangers on the internet are going to have a wide range of opinions. For example, I think infidelity is a *huge* deal. Maybe a deal breaker, maybe not.

I also think women often get screwed in family court. I recommended speaking to a knowledgeable person (like a lawyer), to make sure you and your children are protected...not because I advise throwing away a marriage, but because I don't want you to be blindsided if things go south. (ie. going to counseling/etc to preserve your marriage but later finding continued infidelity).

How is your daughter feeling/processing what she found? I have a 12 year old DD, and I can't imagine her handling this sort of experience.

ETA: I also recommend having the mods delete this thread once you've processed a bit. Best wishes. (hugs)